SUNDAY
May 2nd.
Today I get to go home from the hospital. Jake is wheeling me out and I have the baby wrapped in my arms.
It's so weird that she's actually in my arms and no longer right under my heart.
I rub my finger on her cheek. It terrifies me to think that she's out in the world now and most of the time I won't be able to do anything to protect her. Though I already know that I'd kill for her.
Jake helps me into the car and we put the baby into the car seat that we had Hannah and my mom install.
When we get home Jake carefully helps me up the stairs because I'm still a little weak and then sits me on the couch and puts the baby in my arms.
"I'm going to grab the bags I'll be right back." He kisses my lips and then Lillys forehead before running out of the living room.
I sigh, "I love you." I whisper.
She doesn't do anything in response because she's asleep. Which I know won't last very long.
Jake is back in a matter of seconds and sits on the couch with me. He brushes hair from my face, "Why don't you go take a shower and I'll make you some dinner?"
I smile, "You sure?"
He nods, "Yeah."
I stand and he follows me as I lay the baby into her crib. I smile, pulling up the blanket.
Jake kisses the side of my neck, "I love you."
I turn my head kissing him, "I love you too."
After a few minutes I make my way into the bathroom and slowly pull off my clothes inspecting the skin that I uncover in the mirror.
My stomach still has stretch marks and I'm fatter then I used to be still. My boobs are bigger and I look exhausted.
I rub a hand over my eyes and steam from the shower starts to fill the room. I step in and sigh with pleasure as the warm water hits my back.
I shiver. After a minute of just standing there I grab my shampoo and wash my hair. Then for the first time in months I properly shave my legs. I hated the never ending prickle that I had because it hurt my back to bend over long enough to shave.
After ten minutes I climb out and as soon as the water is off I hear the baby crying. I frown and wrap a towel around myself. I walk out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where Jake is softly rocking the baby up and down trying to soothe her.
I walk over, "Let me see her. She might be hungry."
He hands my Lily and I sit in a kitchen chair before breast feeding her.
Jake looks at me and then frowns, "What a lucky baby."
I give him a look.
After Lily eats I put her back to bed and get dressed.
Jake is putting spaghetti on the table when I walk back into the kitchen.
"Thank you for making dinner."
He shrugs, "You just had a baby I'm not going to make you make dinner."
I smile and sit down.
He twirls his fork in the spaghetti and sighs, "Are you excited to sleep in our bed tonight?"
I nod, "Yes, hospital beds are awful."
He nods agreeing, "Probably because we were trying to fit two people on it."
