I Won't Give Up (A Big Time Rush Fanfiction)

Don't Give Up

This chapter is pretty dramatic, but the mood will improve in the next chapter! It'll be James' birthday AND you'll get a big surprise (a good one) regarding Jade's pregnancy ;) xoxoxo, Brooke

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JAMES’ POV

It was hard to believe that I was soon-to-be divorced at seventeen. This was all I could really think about as I sat all alone in my quiet room. So Jade didn’t love me, at least not anymore. Was it because I supported the section? Because we had done it for her own good. I mean, we wanted to help her. Did she really hate me for helping? Dr. Rivers said she probably hated everyone right now, but there was something different about her reaction to me.

When a pair of arms wrapped around me, I couldn’t bring myself to respond. Heartbroken and completely unable to get out of the numbed state I was in. For all I knew, Jade might hate me so much that she wouldn’t even let me see our baby when he or she was born.  That would hurt me more than anything, not being able to hold our child.

“She doesn’t hate you, baby. She hates the world right now, but I can guarantee that she loves you even if she’s not showing it right now.”

“That’s bullshit.” I snapped, getting off the bed. I knew it sounded harsh, but I figured I’d be as foul mouthed and asshole-like as I felt like being. My life was officially screwed, so...what was the point in being happy? I felt like I was dying inside. I’d experienced pain before, but nothing had ever hurt as much as this. How was I suppose to feel when my wife didn’t even want to speak to me? I couldn’t even hold her hand without her pushing me away.

“Hey,” Mom whispered, putting her hands on my shoulders. “I know how she feels about you. She’s angry at everyone, but she doesn’t hate you. Eventually, after they’ve worked with her for a while, she is gonna see that she still cares about you and that you did this because you care about her.”

I wasn’t going to cry. No, I wouldn’t. I was done crying.

“I can’t do this anymore.” I whispered, staring at the tile ground. 

“Can’t do what, baby?” 

“I can’t do any of this anymore. The chemo....I’m so tired and I’m...I’m tired of being so weak and tired anymore.” I was starting to shake a little. Ugh...why? “I want t-to st-stop chemo.”

The room fell silent and soon Mom pulled her hands away. I guess I understood, since everyone always encouraged me to ‘keep fighting’ and ‘stay strong’, but maybe I was tired of fighting. Maybe I was just tired of waking up each day to another battle. Now that I was losing my wife and possibly my child, all I wanted to do was give up.

“James...you can’t do this. You have to keep trying....”

“I can’t!” I cried. “I just can’t! I have been doing this for more than a year and I’m exhausted! Nothing is getting any better and it just doesn’t seem w-worth it. I’m s-sorry, b-but I c-can’t d-do this anymore...” With that, I left the room, tears blurring my vision.

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MRS. DIAMOND’S POV

I stood there in the doorway, watching as my son walked away.  No, I couldn’t allow James to quite chemo, could I? He was doing so well. I had been so proud of him and he was so close to completing treatment, and there was no way I could allow him to just give up. Maybe I couldn’t get through to him, but maybe there was someone that could.