I Won't Give Up (A Big Time Rush Fanfiction)

What Doesn't Kill You

I was out some today, so sorry for another late update! But here it is and I hope you enjoy it! xoxoxo, Brooke

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JAMES' POV

It was the day after my wedding and I was doing yet another round of chemo. I kept having the most terrible burning sensation in my arm, not that I hadn't experienced such a feeling before. I kept drifting in and out of sleep, and sometimes that didn't even work out because a nurse would come in to check on me. It wasn't anything new.

Knock knock!

"Hey." Jade whispered, tip toeing into my quiet chemo room. "I brought you something. You seem to like chocolate a lot, so I got you some of these." She handed me a box of heart shaped milk chocolates, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you." I murmured, giving her hand a squeeze. "How's little Tristan doing?" I placed my frail hand over her stomach, staring at her with tired eyes. Something was different about this chemo session. I didn't have the nausea like I use to, but I was still in terrible discomfort. The burning in my arm, pain in my stomach, my head hurt, oh god...

"You okay? You don't look so good." Jade sat on the mattress, rubbing my arm.

I chuckled. "When do I ever look good?"

"Always." She kissed me, letting her thumb rub against my cheek. I closed my eyes, desperate to rid myself of the pain. This wasn't right. It was always very uncomfortable receiving chemo, but it never felt like this.

"God, this hurts so bad." I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Should I get a doctor?" Jade asked, giving my hand a squeeze.

"Gahhh…n-no." I shook my had, taking slow, deep breaths. Wasn't that what someone was suppose to do if they were in pain? The last time I had experienced pain this bad, I had been told to take deep breaths and try to focus on anything but the pain.

"Um, I went to the store this morning." Jade said, keeping her grip on my hand. I could feel the pain slowly but surely beginning to fade, although it didn't disappear completely. The best I could do was just to talk to Jade and discuss plans for our little one's arrival, as a distraction. "I picked up a few things for Tristan's nursery. I couldn't bring it all over, but I did take pictures."

She took out her cell phone and handed it to me, and I began flipping through the pictures. A Spongebob mobile, Spongebob themed crib bedding, a Spongebob toy box, and a plush Spongebob. Wow, Jade had really given this some thought. Tristan would be spending his or her nights in a very cheerful, Spongy room.

"And I've thought about the middle name. If it's a girl, it's be Tristan Alana Diamond and if it's a boy, it'll be Tristan James Diamond."

"He'll be named after his daddy, huh?" I chuckled, handing over her cell phone.

"He will." Jade kissed me, smiling as our fingers intertwined. "That is, if he is actually he. We could very possibly be having a girl."

"We could, although I get the feeling that it's a boy." I laughed, placing a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. Then I realized I was out of energy, so I lowered her hand and sunk into the pillows, closing my eyes once again. Jade laid beside me, holding my hand and whispering some comforting words.

_

"Yeah, they just removed the IV. He's doing fine."

As I awoke from my nap, I listened closely to the conversation happening beside me. I noticed immediately that I still felt pretty crummy, with the headache and some light cramping in my stomach. To me, it seemed pretty ridiculous that I was feeling like this all because of chemotherapy. Okay, cancer was officially the worst.