I Won't Give Up (A Big Time Rush Fanfiction)

One Door Closed

No diary entry at the end of this chapter because it ends on a small cliffhanger! Hope you enjoy this chapter :) xoxoxo, Brooke

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“You sure everything’s okay back at school?”

“Y-yeah, it’s great...” Carlos said on the other line. There was something different in his voice, though. His anxiety was practically radiating through the phone, which was unusual for him. He usually sounded so much more cheerful than this and I was silently praying that he would just fess up, because I knew good and well that something was bothering him. Why wouldn’t he just tell me?

“Carlos--”

“Okay, so I get sick and tired of my teachers treating me like a glass vase and my classmates look at me like I’m a freak, but my god, it’s no big deal, Jay.”

I never understand the inner workings of Carlos Garcia. Watching him, you’d think that he was rather easy to figure out, but that was far from the truth. He was truly a complicated human being, kind of like my mom, but not necessarily that complicated. 

“Carlos,” I cleared my throat. “Maybe they just don’t know how to, you know, respond to you. Everyone’s scared that you’ll...hurt yourself again.” 

If that was the case, then I couldn’t blame them. Even I spent a lot of time worrying about whether or not he would snap all over again. I always imagined that even if depression improved, there was always that chance of a relapse. That was my greatest fear when it came to Carlos, because I watched him closely and I would see that hint of silent desperation from time to time.

“Some of my old friends invited me to this party next weekend, but I honestly don’t wanna go. I told them I would think a-about it, b-but I’d rather spend the weekend with you guys.”

I didn’t want to force him to do anything, and going to this party obviously wasn’t something he was looking forward to, but I just wanted to help him move on. I realized that he’d been through hell and back in the past year, but haven’t we all? I wanted him to see that it was okay for him to do things that didn’t involve us hospital kids. When he wasn’t in school or sleeping, he was here with us. We all appreciated the attention, but I was personally starting to worry.

“Carlos...um, you know it’s okay if you wanna go out and do something for yourself....right?” I softly bit my lip while trying to figure out the right words to say. 

“Doesn’t mean I want to.”

I sighed, messing with the drawstrings on my hoodie. Maybe he didn’t want to, but didn’t he realize how important it was for him to start getting back out there. I knew he needed to interact with people that aren’t connected to his time spent here for his...attempt. Sure, it was okay if he spent time with us, but he didn’t have to use all of his spare time here.

“Carlos, why are you like this? I mean, you don’t let anyone in and...we just wanna help...”

“James!” I almost flinched at the harshness in his voice. “Look, December will be one year since my brother died and excuse me if I want to forget what happened, which is pretty hard to do when everyone keeps watching me like a hawk, okay? Plus, my parents constantly ask me if I’m okay and it is driving me insane! Now, please, leave it alone!”

And he just hung up. 

“Ughhhh....” I groaned, sitting my phone on the nightstand. Why was it so hard to get through to him? 

I took a breathe and turned onto my side, comfortably resting under the warm covers. Dr. Rivers checked and my infection was getting better, but I still felt kinda crummy. It was so boring, though. Having to lay in this bed all the time and a tutor having to come to my room just to keep me up on all my work.