The Reason For Grace (Sequel to A Reason To Stay)

Chapter 36

Payton could read the woman's face instantly. The look of shock and horror.  And even anger.... Payton looked over to Joshua but he wasn't paying any attention to the crowd, he was ushering the children and Payton into the back pew on the left side. Doris made her way up to the front. She liked being up close so she could hear. Joshua and the children usually sat with her but he knew that just coming inside was a big step for Payton and he didn't want to push her to hard.

Payton saw Gertrude turn to Mr. Banks and say something. He turned and looked in their direction. He waved and smiled but  his wife slapped his hand and quickly hissed something into his ear. When Mr. Banks seemed unaffected or unconcerned with her gossip she turned to the lady seated next to her and whispered in her ear. Payton was sure it was about Grace because the lady turned and her eyes searched until they landed on Payton and Joshua. Joshua watched Payton and then followed her gaze. He smiled and waved at the two women and they both ducked their heads very quickly. He looked over and winked at Payton. It didn't do much to calm her nerves but it did make her proud of her husband.

Once they were seated she watched as Joshua carefully pulled the blanket back from the sleeping baby's face and so very tenderly shifted her in his arms trying to make her as comfortable as possible. Payton's heart swelled and as she was watching Joshua with their baby she remembered why she loved this big man. The first hymn was started and the congregation lifted their voices to sing, Rock of Ages. She couldn't find her voice. She listened to the congregation and watched her husband and her mind drifted back to the very first time he came by to take her to church. She remembered trying without any luck to hitch the wagon. She had sat down inside the cabin and started to have a good cry, along with Tommy and Hannah, who was just a baby. Joshua picked that particular moment to show up knocking on the door with an offer to hitch the wagon. She was sure she had looked pitiful but he had never to this day mentioned it if she had. Even now she marveled at this man. She had been so unsure of him that first encounter. She had thought he was cold but soon found that to be untrue. Her heart swelled within her chest remembering standing before the church, many of this congregation was there that day,  they had promised to live as husband and wife for the rest of their days. She hadn't loved him. He was simply a means to keep her children from starving. That day, their wedding day, she had planned in her head to stay until she was able to secure passage for herself and her two children and one unborn back East. Now sitting here with this wonderful man, watching him hold their beautiful blessing God had given them she was so thankful she had put that silly notion out of her head.

Her eyes went to Grace still sleeping and she knew she would sleep through all of services. She was positive that little Hannah with her strong faith in prayer had prayed for just that. Payton had no reason to doubt that God wouldn't do just that for this special little girl who undoubtedly loved him so much. And put all of her trust in him. So she sat back and decided to try and listen to the new minister and what he might bring forth this morning.

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"Today, brothers and sisters, I would like to talk to us about forgiveness." the minister said. "I would like to remind us that God has forgiven us for our wicked ways and yet we find ourselves holding onto anger at one another or even God at times for things said and done to us..." Payton's mouth fell open. Her gaze quickly darted over to Joshua but he wasn't looking at her. She looked around the room but everyone was looking and listening to the man of God. She closed her mouth and decided that maybe God had something to say to her and with all the things she had witnessed this morning she was afraid not to listen.

"God is so forgiving and that's how he wants us to be. The bible even says that we should forgive our debtors as he has forgiven us our debts. And you know brothers and sisters of Christ today, our debt was so much more. He gave his life for us so that we might rein in heaven eternally. I want you to remember Christ today. He was hanging on a cross and the Roman soldiers mocked him. MOCKED HIM! and yet what did he do? He asked, "father, forgive them for they know not what they do..." They know NOT what they do... Can you imagine his heart at that moment. Its hard for me to want to forgive the Roman soldiers for what they did to him. Its hard for me not to get angry when I read what they did to Christ. MY Savour! I think, Oh, I just want to show them... I want to do to them what they did to Christ. BUT....." he smiled looking around the room, "That's not what God wants us to do. That's not how we're suppose to be! We're suppose to forgive them just as Jesus did. Jesus not only forgave them but Judas when he kissed his cheek, he knew he had betrayed him. HE KNEW and yet he didn't hold it to his charge. Peter denied him and yet Christ forgave him! The priest mocked him, spit on him and yet he didn't budge. He didn't get angry and spit back... No he didn't render evil for evil. He forgave. So why do we find it so hard to forgive? Why do we hold grudges? Why do we think God has dealt with us unfairly? He hasn't. Not one of us has died next to a thief knowing we were innocent. A crowd yelling for us to be crucified. We have not faced multitudes and listed to them say hurtful things to us in public...."