The Reason For Grace (Sequel to A Reason To Stay)

Chapter 24

Doris waited until Payton had calmed down and then lay her hand over Payton's. "You'll have a lot to discuss with Joshua this afternoon."

Payton jerked her head up and her hand away. "WHAT? NO!" She scooted away from Doris as if the distance would somehow drive her words home. "NO! Joshua can never know. I can't tell him."

Doris stared at her. Her mouth open and her eyes wide. Confusion and shock making their way across her facial expressions. "What? Why? You mean your not gonna tell him what she said?"

"No. I'm not."

"But Payton, he needs to know. The two of you need to discuss this. Grace might have some special needs. She might not walk until she's two or she might have a hard time chewing food and need to be left on the bottle till she's older... Not only that but honey, he needs to know. He is her father and he needs to know and understand what is going on with his child..."

"I'm not telling him and neither are you!" Payton shouted at her and then apologized for yelling. Her eyes shot up to the ceiling waiting for any sound that she had woken the sleeping children but she had not. "I'm sorry Doris, I didn't mean to shout." was all she said.

Doris looked down at Grace, still sleeping in her arms. "But when you take her to town someone else might say something...."

"She's not going to town. We are going to stay here on the farm. I'm not taking her into town so that people can stare and point and laugh and gossip about my baby." Payton stood up and took Grace out of Doris' arms. "I'm going to lay her down in her crib." She made her way to the stairs and put one foot on the first step then stopped and turned to look at Doris. "You can't tell him." she had tears in her eyes and her voice shook just a little, "He'll hate me."

"Oh, Payton!" Doris said and rushed over to her. She put her arms around the young mother, "He won't hate you! How could you say that he loves you. Why would he hate you?"

"Because," Payton sniffled and looked down at the sleeping baby, "I made her sick. She was born sick so I must have done something to hurt her."

Payton tired to console her, "OH dear, you didn't do anything wrong."

"How do you know? If it wasn't me then was there something wrong with Joshua? I have three... healthy children. Thomas and I had three normal, healthy children. Joshua had one baby who could not be born and now his other child is sick.... How do you think he will feel. If he doesn't blame me then he'll blame himself. I don't think he did it. It had to of been me. But don't you see Doris, he'll only blame himself. I would rather he blamed me but what if he doesn't....." Big tears rolled down her cheeks. "SO you have to promise me you won't tell him."

Doris tried again, "Payton." she said choking on her words, "It isnt any one's fault it was just God's will...."

"You can't tell him!" Payton said raising her voice a little. Grace squirmed in her arms and she patted her bottom and bounced her. Grace settled back into a deep sleep. "Promise me, Doris. Promise me you won't tell him."

Doris shook her head, "Payton its not fair to him..."

"It's not your place to tell him. You didn't tell us in the beginning so you lost your chance. If you wanted either one of us to know you should have spoke up sooner. You can't tell him. I know now and if anyone is going to tell him his little girl is sick, it'll be me. I won't let him find out from someone else the way I did... I just won't."

Doris shook her head. "Payton you can't make that decision for him. You shouldn't get to decide when he finds out."

"Why not; you did?"

Payton turned and walked up the stairs. Doris felt as if someone had slapped her across the face. Her heart ached for her children. They were her children after all and she wanted to take their pain away but that wasn't possible so instead she wanted to help them cope. Payton wasn't coping, though and Doris was afraid that Joshua was going to find out from someone who wouldn't be kind about it... She wasn't sure she could live with herself if he suffered the same words Payton had. But if she told him Payton would never forgive her.

Doris understood Payton's reasons. It made sense that he would blame himself. It also made sense that Payton blamed herself. Doris understood that they would both feel responsible for their daughter's condition but she just wished she could make them understand that no one was to blame.... Doris left the house and went home. She needed to spend some time on her knees next to her bed talking to the Lord. This one was to big for her tiny hands and it was just gonna get worse. She was going to need some help from the big man upstairs if they were ever going to survive this trial.