The Reason For Grace (Sequel to A Reason To Stay)

Chapter 2

Supper was over and the quick meal of stew and cornbread had been cleaned and put away. Joshua sat in the rocker by the fire reading quietly to Nate, who slept in his arms. Hannah and Tommy played at his feet as they listened to the rise and fall of his voice as he read the scripture. Payton sat at the table and propped her elbows up on the table. She cradled her head in her hands as she listened to Joshua reading about the three Hebrew children being thrown into a fire. It was amazing to think they didn't even smell of smoke. She sighed shaking her head. If she wasn't careful she would let herself just think of it as a story. She had to remind herself that it was true. God had preformed a miracle. She looked over at Joshua again and smiled. Yes, He loved to do the unimaginable. Look at she and Joshua, happy and in love. She never thought she would have fallen in love with him, that day he came over and told her that God had told him to marry her. She let a giggle slip out and Joshua paused and looked over at her. He raised an eyebrow in question but she only blushed and bowed her head.

As usual Joshua helped her put the children to bed. They said their prayers and kissed them goodnight. She nursed Nate and lay him in the cradle beside her bed as Joshua went out to check on the animals. It was their first night alone since the baby had been born. She was nervous as what to do. She and Joshua had slept in the same bed for the better part of a year now but besides a few kisses they did not know each other as other husbands and wives knew one another. She knew that he wanted to take her as his wife. He had told her so but she wasn't sure if it would be tonight. She was ready. Nate was old enough that she was sure it would be okay but she didn't think she could tell him.

So she quickly undressed and slipped under the covers and waited on him. She was so nervous and she tossed and turned waiting for him to join her in their bed. She wasn't sure how long she waited but her eyes began to droop and her body started to relax. She felt herself drifting off to sleep and tried to stop it but after an hour she realized she could fight it no longer and her heart felt sad that Joshua had not yet joined her in bed.

Joshua stood in the barn petting the horse and talking to him.

"I know she said she wanted me to be her husband but I don't want to push her." he looked up at the roof. "God, I just don't know if its time yet." he sighed, "I think I'm ready. I want to be ready." He let his hand fall from the horses nose and he sat down on the barn floor. "I wish I knew. God could you give me a sign?" Joshua laughed at himself, "How pitiful do I sound? Here I am hiding out in the barn asking God for a sign that my wife wants me to... that she wants me." It was cold but the chill didn't affect him. "I want her to be ready." he said to the night. "I want her to be sure she's ready." He bowed his head, "Lord, am I stalling because I'm not ready? Is that what it is? I'm a coward? I'm...." he sighed and the weight of the world felt like it was on his shoulders. "I don't ever want to compare her Eliza again but it was so much easier with her." he told the Lord, "I knew what she wanted and how she felt, always." He paced back and forth down the length of the barn. "I'll just go in and ask her." he said and then stopped, "No, that'll embarrass her and she's shore to say no then... Or it'll make her feel pressured and she'll say yes but only because she'll think I'm ready... " he paused and looked up, "Oh, Lord, please help me."

He dropped to his knees and planted his cheek to the ground. His eyes were closed and his breathing shallow. "Oh, Lord, I pray that you help me know how to deal with this woman as my wife. I love her, I really do. It's been hard on my flesh these last few months ling next to her and not touching her. I want to be with her as my wife but I want her to be ready. Help me to be strong until she is. Help me to know when she is and please help us together to love one another. Amen."

He stood feeling so much better. He looked at the horse, "I think I'll go inside where it's warm and a pretty woman is waiting for me to keep her warm trough the night." the horse neighed as Joshua left the barn.

He found Payton sound asleep,  her hand resting on the baby's cradle. He checked in on the kids who were sleeping well and looked to be warm. He put another log on the fire and slid under the covers and slipped his arm around his wife. He was content to hold her until he knew that she was ready for something more. He kissed the back of her neck and nuzzled his head into her sweet smelling hair. He was at peace. This was his little bit of heaven here on earth.