The Reason For Grace (Sequel to A Reason To Stay)

Chapter 20

Doris and Joshua had convinced Payton to let them take the three older children to Sunday services. Payton hadn't put up much of an argument. Especially when Joshua had suggested that she might rest with the baby. Catch up on some of the sleep she was loosing. Payton wanted to laugh. "catch up?" As if that were possible. She was sure that it was not a young mother with a colicy baby who had come up with the term "catch up on sleep." It was like some kind of cruel joke on those who had no clue that there was no hope for ever catching up on anything.

Payton made her way down the stairs once they had left. She took inventory of the house. It was clean yet  untidy. Doris had been trying her best to keep up with two households and a rowdy bunch of kids. Not to mention helping out with a colicy baby. Payton wanted so badly to tackle the house and have it back in order but her body cried out for more sleep. Payton knew she needed rest so she turned back up the stairs and her back on the mess below. She tried to pretend that she hadn't noticed the untidy mess downstairs and when she walked into her bedroom she pretended not to notice it's appearance either.

Grace was asleep in the cradle so Payton crawled back into the unmade bed and didn't waste any time falling back to sleep. As she was drifting off the thought came to her that this was what she needed so much more than any sermon the preacher might have prepared for her to hear. God wouldn't mind her missing services. Not when she was to tired to keep her eyes open. Right? She didn't dwell on the nagging feeling or the question her her heart kept asking her mind. She closed them all out and let sleep envelope her.

Doris rocked along beside Joshua on the front seat of the buggy. "Payton needed some rest." she told the young man she loved as a son. She caught his eye.

"I know." he told her, "I just wish she would let me hire some help for the two of you. I know you are exhausted to." he said eyeing her.

Doris smiled and covered a yawn with her hand. "Oh goodness me!" she chuckled, "You mention being tired and I go to yawning!" They both laughed.

"I asked her about it last night, hiring some help that is,  and she wouldn't even hear of it. She almost acted like she thought I was trying to say she wasn't doing a good enough job or she couldn't handle it. It was like I had insulted her."

Doris laughed, clicked her tongue and shook her head. "Well, son, you did. In a way." she added. "She's exhausted as any mother would be. She has quite the load and then Grace going and gettin' the colic made what was already a heavy weight on her shoulders a full blown burden. She's just scared and upset is all. She's afraid she's letting you and the children down." Doris patted his knee and sighed. "Just have patience with her son."

"But I want to help her. I want to do something to make it easier on her." he said, "I try and do something and she gets all mad and upset. It's like I'm doing something wrong...." he grumbled, "I don't understand..."

Doris giggled, "Oh, son. You'll never understand. All you can do is love her and love and when things get really tough, LOVE her!" she laughed, "You don't understand what I'm saying now but you will in the days to come. Plus I think Payton has a touch of the baby blues." Doris turned and looked out across the meadow at the grass blowing in the wind. It was a marvelous sight at the grass moving with the wind. Like ripples across a big sea of water, only tall blade of grass instead. She sighed,  "Never had 'em myself but lots of women do. Don't know why really? Just happens. Maybe its all the work that comes with 'em? Just part of God's plan. Something we have to overcome and when we do it makes us stronger. I really don't know." she sighed, "Wish I did, then I could give you the answer your searching for."

She turned to check on the children who were unusually quite. Nate had fallen to sleep on his sister. Hannah, always a good little motherly type, was stroking his hair and whispering to him. Tommy was growing into a big boy. He was looking out across the ocean of grass. Only the good Lord above knew what was in the boy's head.

Joshua looked ahead at the road. No one else ahead of them. It was a quiet day.  He was thinking; and praying God would help him understand what to do to help his wife. He listened to Doris as she spoke about the 'baby blues.' He had only seen Payton depressed once before. The only thing that had made her really smile had been seeing her family. Maybe he could send a telegram to her parents and ask them to visit again. It had helped before and surely Payton wouldn't mind the extra help if it were her mother who was the one around giving it. 

Maybe that was what God wanted him to do. Send for her parents again. He wasn't sure if he could afford two round trip train tickets again. After building the house and the repairs to Doris' cabin his nest egg was pretty low. He wasn't completely broke but something that costly would do him in if not put him under...

'Lord,' He prayed silently, "You know what my wife needs to help her right now. I've tried to do everything in my power to help her. I have exhausted everything I know to do to help her. I'm giving you the reins now, God. I know I should have a long time back. I'm going to let you take care of this. If you want me to send for her folks again you just tell me and I'll do it. I'll let you worry about where the money will come from. It's all yours anyhow... Just help me to know what to do for her. You're driving this team now, God. Amen.'

He felt as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He knew God would show him how to help Payton. He was just going to have to wait on the Lord to do it. And he would., and he would.