Find My Way Back To You

Chapter 18

--- PAST EMMA'S POV ---

This day is too much, I realize as soon as we all sit down for dinner. Henry keeps asking the future me questions about her own timeline and about Baby Hope, which freaks me out. I might've gotten a little more used to the baby, but still. It's like the more I hear, the bigger the urge to run away from here and from my feelings gets. I don't run though. Not until we're finished with dinner anyway. The baby started crying about a minute ago, announcing that she's awake. Henry sprang up from his seat instantly, took Emma's hand and rushed her up the stairs with him to introduce his little sister to him.

Mary Margret and David sit on the couch and talk lightly to each other.

That's when I see my chance to escape this place for a while. I quietly put my jacket on and try to slip out of the door, but of course nothing goes unnoticed by Mary Margret. She joins me at the doorstep and crosses her arms, while raising an eyebrow.

"And where exactly are you going?" she asks annoyed because I tried to leave without a goodbye. She's way too nosy for her own good. I know she's probably only trying to make up for my sucky childhood, but I don't need to be mothered anymore. I needed that 28 years ago, when she gave me away for the greater good. Now I'm all grown up and I don't need to ask for permission to leave the house or something like that.

"Don't know yet. For a walk perhaps. I just need some air. You'll watch after Henry, right?" I say, while stepping out the door and pulling it shut behind me. I hear Mary Margret and perhaps David, too, opening the door again as I run down the stairs, but I don't look back. Nor do they try to stop me.

As soon as I leave the building, I take a deep breath. I much needed to get out of there. Otherwise I probably would've turned all crazy in the next few minutes. I know for sure, that I would've done something stupid. This is just all too much. My life has been far too insane ever since I arrived in Storybrooke. There's magic and problems around every single corner. And it seems like the more time passes, the crazier the crises get. Will I ever have a normal life like Emma says I will? I sure hope so, which freaks me out and makes me walk faster.

It seems too unrealistic to even consider a normal life in this town.

I mean, your future self arriving in town with her baby – even though I don't want another baby – is something straight out of a science fiction movie. But I guess the saying is true. Everything is science fiction until someone makes it science fact, which Baby Hope did in this case. Does that mean my daughter will invent time travel? Or did it exist before then?

Stop it, I think. I shouldn't consider her as my daughter. Who knows if anything Emma says is the truth? Or she could be wrong, and the future is already different. It's not like I'll ever know much about magic, so she should be pretty clueless about it, too.

I can't get my hopes up for now, which is ironic since my daughter's name is Hope. How the hell did I consider this a good choice?

What the hell was I even thinking, when I kind of bonded with the baby earlier at the station. I kind of got used to the thought of having another. I can't do all that. Emma might think, that she won't get her heart broken ever again, but what does she know? She's probably not far away from getting her heart broken, right? For all I know her and that husband of hers could've gotten married a few days after meeting each other and instantly had a kid together. The kid itself and the marriage aren't some sort of clarification that it's going to work out and that she won't get her heart broken by that guy.

And if this really is my future, it means it's inevitable, right? So, her future heartbreak will be mine. I don't need that. Not again. I've spent too much time in emotional pain already throughout life. Before Henry was back in my life, all my days were just painful ones again and again. I was never happy, but I am now, right? I'm not just content like Emma believes me to be. The way my life is right now is enough. I don't need a husband or a baby. I'm fine without them and the risk of getting hurt is rather small now. That's all I need in order to be happy.

I walk through the quiet new England town, until I pass the Rabbit Hole. I stop there and decide that I'm desperate need for a drink today. Maybe it'll make me forget today's events for a while. Not having to think about everything – even just for a moment – will hopefully be enough for now.

Tomorrow I'll have to help Emma find a way back to the future and once she's gone, I won't remember that any of this happened. It'll be like waking up from a nightmare without having to remember having it in the first place. That sounds like a great thing I must admit.

I won't know for at least a while, that I'll get my heart broken again – not until the day it eventually happens. That thought is really calming, I suppose. I'll be able to spare myself some pain at least.

I walk into the Rabbit Hole and head straight to the bar. I've been in here often before thanks to almost daily barfights caused by the dwarves, so I walk to the bar without having to look around. One perk my job offers. Not a big one for all the crises I have to deal with, but better than nothing. It can come in quite handy at times like right now.

As soon as I sit down on a barstool, I order rum. The bartender pours it, and I instantly gulp it down in one go, before ordering another one.

That's when I hear a chuckle from my right. My eyes follow the sound and I lock eyes with Hook, who sits a few chairs away from me with his own glass of rum. That is until he gets up to sit next to me anyway.

Great. I came here to escape my problems – not to run into new ones. Nor to get annoyed by Captain Hook. Why am I always so unlucky?

"Looks like someone is trying to forget things. Look, I have a few better ideas of how to get your mind off things." He smirks and raises that eyebrow in suggestion. I could punch him in the face. Is he even capable of not flirting with everyone in a three-mile radius?

"Not in a million years, Hook." I do my best to glare at him, but even that's too hard today. I'm far too exhausted from all my emotional dilemmas to bicker with Hook. Usually it's so much easier since he's literally begging for fights with all his annoyingness and his too high confidence.

He smiles at my failed attempt to glare at him.

I empty my glass again, get up from my seat and sit in a booth near the door, but of course Hook is following me. Why can't people just leave me the fuck alone?

"Are you avoiding me?" he asks with a pout.

"Why wouldn't, I? It's not like we're friends or anything. I keep having to tell you that. Don't you have anyone else to bother?"

He suddenly chuckles and rests his arm on the booth behind me. I push his arms away and hit his shoulder.

"So, I was right. You are in such a foul mood because you're trying to avoid me. Has it perhaps anything to do with our kiss?" He's teasing me and also, I can't believe, that he's still so certain that kiss happened. He must be so damn delusional, or he has hallucinations because of his beloved rum. Maybe he has extremely vivid dreams. Who knows? All I'm really certain about is that he's crazy. After I deal with my future self and Cora, I'll have to deal with Hook. His craziness will only cause problems in the future, if I do nothing. I need to make Storybrooke a safe place since Henry refuses to move to Boston with me. Life in Boston was so great, and I wish Henry could finally see that. But that kid is stubborn. He must have gotten it from his grandmother.

"No kiss happened, Hook. You dreamed it or whatever. Accept that." I snap.

I'm not stubborn. Nor did the kiss happen outside of Hook's dreams. Or did it? Did Emma kiss him and now he thinks, that it was me?