Find My Way Back To You

Chapter 3

--- EMMA'S POV ---

Killian is on deck, when Hope and I arrive on the Jolly Rodger. I take a moment and watch him working on his ship in awe. Everyone always says, it's such a terrible thing that Killian is still pirate and he should just stop it because it's awful. But I don't share their opinion, nor do I care about it. He's come a far way from when we first met, we both did – him still being a pirate and him still loving his pirate ship don't change anything about that. I find it great, that he still has something important from his past in his life – and he loves it as much as he loves his current life. Many people aren't strong enough to keep objects in their lives, that are connected to shame and pain – I know that better than anyone. There's a reason after all I had such a lack of personal objects, when I first moved to Storybrooke. I always thought that it was easier to just pretend the painful memories aren't real. But that's wrong. You have to face your past in order to accept it. You can't just run away. So, in many ways the pirate thing and the ship are a symbol of strength and true redemption to me.

Also, it's stupid to think, that Killian should abandon a hobby of his and pretend to be someone else just because some people in Storybrooke don't agree with his lifestyle choices.

I love how happy sailing makes Killian, so I automatically enjoy watching him on the Jolly Rodger, which is what I'm doing right now. He can get very focused, when he's working on it, so it's truly no surprise, that he doesn't notice us at first. I check on Hope once again before stepping farer onto the ship.

"Hi. You mind some company?" I say, while approaching him.

He looks up at me and I can tell, that he's very confused. He doesn't even need to tell me in order for me to know it since I'm not the only one who is an open book – I understand him without words, too. I always did deep down, even though I never would've admitted it to him – or even myself, when we were climbing the beanstalk. Like he said that day, I did know, that he was telling the truth to me and that's kind of the reason I left him up there, which sounds weird, but it's true. For most of my life everyone had lied to me, so him being honest with me scared the shit out of me. When I realized that, I did the one thing I was familiar with: I ran. I ran far away from him and his possible feelings for me, that I knew might even be mutual.

"No. But why exactly are you here, Swan?" He says, while eyeing both me and our baby weirdly. At first, I'm confused, but then I quickly get what he means. He's probably surprised we're already here. I mean he did just arrive here, too, and I told him back at the house, that I'd get Hope ready for the day, which can take a while depending on how fuzzy she is that day. There's no way we could already be here, if Hope hadn't teleported us – not even if she was the most peaceful baby in the whole world.

When I make my way to him, I give him a quick kiss. By his reaction to it I gather that he's still confused, which makes no sense, honestly. He seems to be lost in his own world, while also being...shocked about my greeting. What the hell is going on and why is he acting so weird? Automatically my mind suspects the worst again in just a split second. Something must have happened to him on his way here. So, what is it? Another villain even though there hasn't been one since the final battle? It's the only plausible explanation.

I knew that Regina's stupid curse would have terrible consequences. I don't know how no one else sees this?! She did this! And this time, I'd love to let her fix her own problems, but unfortunately I can't because I don't trust her not to fail. And this needs to be fixed more than anything – my husband is at stake after all and there's no way I'll give him up now after everything else we've been through. I'm so sick of her. Couldn't she just have stayed behind in that fake town full of the fake people from the fake wish realm? I wouldn't mind not having any of them or her in this town – it's what's best for everyone's safety. The only problem is, that Henry would never just let her go. She does is his mother too and he loves her, which is the only reason I pretend not to hate her. But I do. I do hate her. And after I fix this problem, I'll make sure she never messes up this bad ever again – I just don't know how. Yet. But I'll think of something with the help of my husband. We're quite the team after all, which is why I'm certain he can help me. I'll just pretend that nothing weird is going on for now. I'm going to play his game, until I figure out how to reverse this stupid curse. Maybe I just have to make him fall in love with me again, which will be easy since he never even tried to hide the fact, that he was attracted to me in the first place – not on the beanstalk and not after that either even though he was 'done with me' then. I honestly never really believed his speech that day, when I look back now. Back then I might have, but then I tried my best to hate him, which really wasn't an easy task. We always had a connection and that made it almost impossible for me to pretend he's just another villain, disturbing Storybrooke. He probably only held that speech for Cora's sake since he didn't trust me anymore to take him along to Storybrooke. That was my fault – not that I ever thought of it as a mistake during my mother and I's trip to the Enchanted Forest. It took slowly falling in love with my pirate to realize, that I should've trusted him. We'd never have had the whole Cora problem that way and maybe there would've been less villains later on too.

"Are you okay, love? Why are you here anyway?" His voice interrupts my thought process and I realize, that I totally blacked out on him for the minute or so. I was so focused on finding out what was happening, that I didn't even realize I was still here on his ship.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You've come to ask me more about Cora?" He tilts his head to the side and I almost sigh out of relief. At least the stupid curse only messed with his memories – days after it was cast, which is weird, but I learned that magic usually works in mysterious ways. I can fix this pretty easily. I should head back to town and look for my parents. I'm sure they can help me figure out how to get my pirate back.