Fighting First Love

Bonus Chapter (Blayne2)

Dedicated to anuhhere for all her fist pumping:)

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The win today was great, but my performance in it was not.  I still couldn’t believe Caleb Davis struck me out every damn time I stepped up to the plate. It was the first time I’ve ever played a game with no hits. It was also the first time I played a game without Lylah wearing my jersey and cheering me on from the bleachers.

When Leroy handed me my spare jersey, it was like he handed me my heart, the part of it that Lylah still held. As stupid and asinine as it sounds, I hoped she would keep it because she wanted to hold a piece of me with her, but I should’ve known after the pain I put her through that wasn’t going to happen. Mixed with the jumbled thoughts in my head was my conscience, and it would scream at me every day, constantly telling me what a fool I’d been to let Lylah go. I buried it, not wanting to face what I was realizing is the truth. It wouldn’t matter if I threw it out all together because I would still have to deal with my parents disapproving looks and disappointed attitudes.

I deserved it, the more I thought about what I’d done, the guiltier I felt, and Becca was right there to chase my guilt away. Every time I doubted my decision, she would reassure me…physically. That’s what happened the day Lylah found us in the janitor’s closet. I saw Lylah around school all week with a dazed look on her face. She wasn’t the normal happy go lucky Lylah I fell in love with, and I hated myself for taking that away from her. I was dreading Art, because it was yet another class I would have to sit through and feel the glares on my back from my friends, or former friends. Becca sensed I was down, and before I could stop her she pulled me into the closet.

It was dark and musty, but that didn’t stop her from dropping to her knees in front of me and unzipping my jeans. I was too surprised at first to stop her, but by the time I came to my senses, she was already fast at work. From that point on it felt too good to push her away. Lylah had never done that for me, we were intimate, but oral sex was never something she offered to do, and I would’ve felt like a jerk if I asked her to do it. Secretly, I always enjoyed it, something Becca knew well as she sucked for all she was worth. For the short while that Becca was fulfilling my physical needs, I was able to forget the guilt and pain I caused.

They returned ten fold when we stumbled out of the closet and came face to face with Lylah. I was still having a hard time erasing the look of pain and anger on her face, it haunted me. Then, when she called me an ass hole, I almost wanted to laugh. It was such a foreign word from her beautiful mouth, but it saddened me to know I forced her to think of me as one.

How did I let things change so fast? Even now, sitting in this room filled with kids my age drinking and laughing, I felt as if I was looking at it from outside my body. I used to love celebrating a win with a party after, but for some reason I didn’t today, and I refused to admit it was because I wasn’t here with the one I really wanted to be with. Or how hurt I was when I saw her with Caleb after the game.

Becca has been kissing on my neck and rubbing my thigh, urging me to take her upstairs to find a bedroom. We hadn’t had sex yet, other than orally, and she wanted us to do it tonight. Something kept holding me back, or more specifically someone. Lylah was the only girl I’d been intimate with besides Becca, and when I made love to her, that’s exactly what it was, love. I remembered my times with Becca as being passion filled and intense, two bodies driven mad for each other, which was great, but it only left my body satisfied, not my heart. I mentally slapped myself for these thoughts. Why the hell was I being so soft? Since when did a teenage guy like myself mumble bull shit about satisfying his heart. I should take the physical connection Becca was offering and run with it, using it to banish every last thought of Lylah from my mind.