Crash Car Burn (Boy x Boy)

(22) Crash Car Burn

Crash Car Burn

Chapter 22

Jamie’s POV

“I think we should try and get some sleep now,” Aiden said and I could feel him moving away from me. I didn’t want him to go. I wanted him to kiss me again. I wanted him to hold me in his arms but after our conversation I doubted that he wanted to do anything with me. I keep on screwing things up but I have to be honest with him. I have no idea how I feel about being gay but I sure as hell know that my insides goes all funny whenever I think of him, which is most of the time. I also know that when he kisses me I never want him to stop which must mean that I want to be with him, but can I deal with being openly gay? I have no idea.

I wanted to say yes, that I can deal with being gay, that I can deal with however people will react but what if I can’t? What if I think I can and wind up hurting him? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself but I’m hurting him anyway with all this confusion. I have to make up my mind and soon.

It sucks because all I can think about is him. All I want to do is be with him but then I think about how my parents would react and how much Liam will hate it and I start freaking out. I have no idea what I am doing.

“Goodnight,” Aiden said, pulling me out of my thoughts and back to reality. He wasn’t on my bed anymore, he had moved to the mattress on the floor and this made me feel both horrible and very disappointed. Why did he have to ask such difficult questions? Why couldn’t he just kiss me and hold me? I though angrily although I knew the answer. He didn’t want me to do anything that I would regret. He didn’t want to hurt me.

“Goodnight,” I whispered and then climbed in under my sheets, not bothering to change my clothes.

The next morning when I woke I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had a bad dream. A dream that I would much rather forget. One that helped me decide what I wanted, now I just had to tell Aiden but he wasn’t there. I said his name about three times but he didn’t answer and. My heart started pounding in my chest and a pain shot through my head. What if he left? What if he decided he didn’t want to keep an eye on me anymore? What if he decided that he didn’t want me anymore?

I jumped out of my bed, my feet tangling in my sheets and I fell to the floor, my knees hitting the ground first. The pain was sudden and I collapsed on the floor as my head started pounding. I knew it was the beginning of one of my headaches as soon as I felt it and that I should probably just take a deep breath and calm down but the dream was still clear in my mind so I got up, ignoring the pain in my leg and started making my way out of my room. I had to find Aiden, I had to tell him how I feel.

I ran down the hall but had to slow down when I reached the stairs, not wanting to fall again. My head was throbbing badly and I had started feeling light headed, not to mention my knee, it was burning like shit.

“Aiden!” I called when I reached the bottom of the stairs, having to steady myself against the rail.

“Yea,” I heard his voice and I filled with relief at the knowledge that he didn’t leave me.

“I… I…” I started to say but trailed off as another sharp pain shot through my head.

I woke up in my bed, feeling shaky and confused. My head still hurt but the throbbing had calmed down slightly.

“You scared the crap out of me,” I heard Aiden’s voice say and I couldn’t keep myself from smiling. He didn’t leave me.

“Sorry,” I whispered, my voice sounding funny.

“What the hell happened?” he asked, sitting down on the bed next to me.

“I woke up…” I started saying, knowing that I was going to sound like a crazy paranoid person but not caring. He cut me off though.

“Never mind, you can tell me later, how are you feeling?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.

“My head hurts,” I answered honestly.

“I’ll get you some water and pills, do you want the same ones as lat time?” he asked as he got up.

“Yeah,” I replied, sighing. I hate the headaches.

I heard Aiden getting the pills from my drawer and listened as he left to get me some water. It didn’t take him long to return and I took the pills gratefully.

“Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” he asked, obviously still freaked out.

“No, I’ll be fine but I’m not going to school. How long was I out anyway?” I asked, feeling embarrassed, why do I have to keep passing out or falling when I am with Aiden?

“Only a few minutes, but I swear if you didn’t wake up when you did I was going to rush you to the hospital,” he answered.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling horrible for putting him through all of this.

“It’s ok, I should have been here when you woke up,” Aiden stated, the worriedness in his voice turning to that self-loathing tone that I’ve grown to hate.

“It’s not your fault, you can’t watch me every second of every day,” I replied, trying to push myself up into a sitting position. I wanted to be closer to him but he stopped me and gently pushed me back down on the bed.

“I can try and there is no way I’m letting you get up just yet,” Aiden said sounding very serious.

“Ok, I’ll stay in bed but you should go to school, you already skipped all of your classes yesterday to be there for me,” I said, hoping that he would say no and stay with me but not wanting to keep him from school.

“No fucking way,” he said, half laughing as if I had just said the stupidest thing he has ever heard.

“It was worth a try,” I replied, glad that he said no.

“How’s your head feeling now?” he asked, placing his hand on my arm. A shock of electricity shot through my body and I shivered with pleasure.

“Its better but the meds are kicking in,” I answered, yawning.

“Good, now get some sleep and I promise I’ll be right here when you wake up,” Aiden said and I could feel myself smiling as I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.