Crash Car Burn (Boy x Boy)

(3) Crash Car Burn

Picture on the right is of Liam

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Crash Car Burn

Chapter Three

Aiden’s POV

I watched them drive past and couldn’t stop myself from wishing that they would stop and give me a lift. Not because I am lazy but because I was yearning for things to go back to the way they were before the accident. I know it’s not possible and that it will never happen but sometimes I just can’t stop myself from wishing.

I want to talk to Jamie and my brother more than you can imagine. I want to laugh with them and just hang out like we used to.

I sighed and pushed the thought from my mind as I continued down the road. There is no use dwelling on impossible things. They’ll never forgive me and I’ll never be able to make things right.

I reached my house a few minutes later but kept on walking. I needed to talk to somebody and there was only one person who would listen.

The cemetery was about half an hour’s walk from my house and by the time I reached it I could already feel myself starting to lose control. I hate coming here because it makes what happened so much more real but it’s the only place I can just let go.

 I made my way through the gravestones until I reached Katherine’s and sat down in front of it.

“Hi little sis,” I said and I could actually hear my voice cracking. I come here a lot and I always wind up crying. Luckily I’ve always managed to come when nobody else was around. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with seeing that.

“I’ve missed you but I guess you already know that,” I continued as I wiped a single tear from my eye. I don’t want to cry. I just want a second chance. A chance to make things right but I’ll never be able to do that. I can’t change the fact that I killed my sister, blinded Jamie and caused our families to fall apart.

“I feel so alone. I want to talk to Jamie and tell him how sorry I am but Liam keeps him away from me. I honestly think he hates me and I can’t say I blame him but I really just want to talk to them again. I miss them,” I said as some more tears escaped my eyes.

I didn’t say anymore. I wasn’t sure if there is a heaven and talking to the dead seemed kind of pathetic but I had nobody else. Nobody I could talk to or go to for help. I am alone in this world and sometimes I can’t help but wonder what could have been.

Would things have been different if I told Jamie how I feel about him back then? Would he have thought I am disgusting for being in love with him or was there a chance that he might have understood and let me love him? I don’t think so, Jamie has never showed any indication that he is gay but I still can’t help regretting never telling him. At least then he would know how I feel.

I sat there at Katherine’s grave for a long time, thinking about that night, Jamie and the mess I have made of everything.

I only got up and headed back home when thunder started roaring in the distance. It was already dark out and by the time I reached my house it was pouring.

I soaked the floor with water as I made my way up to my room but quickly returned to dry it up after I had changed. I didn’t want anybody to slip and fall because of me. I’ve caused enough pain and suffering as it is.

I could hear the TV and I could see the back of Liam and Jamie’s heads popping up from over the couch. Usually I would have joined them, watching movies, eating popcorn and just chilling but not anymore. Instead I grabbed myself something to eat from the kitchen and headed back upstairs to my room. I’m not sure how Jamie manages to watch movies though since he can’t see, maybe he just listens and try to follow what’s going on or maybe Liam tells him as the things happens. I don’t know but I wish I could take his place, take away all the pain I’ve caused him so that he can live a normal life.

At around nine Liam and Jamie left, probably deciding to go to his house since my mom was braking things again. I tried doing homework but couldn’t get myself to concentrate so instead I turned up my music, got into bed and tried to get some sleep.

The rest of the week dragged by slowly and soon it was Friday afternoon. The buzz around school today was about Liam’s band making it to the rock show and the huge party they were going to have at Elijah’s house afterwards.  Usually I would have been excited with the rest of them but I don’t go to parties anymore. Liam and Jamie came to our house to get ready and then left after packing some of the equipment in Jamie’s car. I used to love watching the band practice but since the accident I haven’t bothered. Jamie dropped out and he was the only reason why I was interested. His voice is gorgeous and I could spend hours listening to him but now they have a new lead singer and even if I wanted to watch I doubt that I would be welcome.

I spent the night watching movies since my mom was in her room and Liam wasn’t at home. It felt strangely comforting to just sit there and switch off my mind from all my worries but it didn’t’ last long. It was just after one in the morning when my cell phone rang and when I looked at the caller ID I had to catch my breath.

“Jamie?” I answered as my body tensed up with nerves.

“Yeah,” he replied, his voice shaking slightly. He sounded scared.

“What’s wrong?” 

“I… I can’t find Liam,” he replied, his words making me furious. What the hell was Liam thinking, taking Jamie to a party and then disappearing?

“I’ll be right there,” I said and then hung up as I jumped up from the couch and raced to my room to get my car keys.