"Um d-did you really just call me and tell me that my dad died last night? While I was out partying?! I can't take this shit anymore!"
"I'm sorry honey"
"Yeah mom I'll come over as soon as possible" I hung up and went to my room where I screamed into my pillow.
I'm not sad right now. I'm extremely angry. I just got him back and now he's gone and I didn't say goodbye. I'm losing everyone. Why me? That's all I want to know. Tears of anger slid down my numb face making me more mad for some reason.
I went back upstairs saying nothing as I got Jonah out of his chair. I went and put some jeans, a white shirt, a jean jacket, and shoes to match August's shoes. I went to Kye's room and told her to get dressed.
She tried to ask why I was crying and I kind of ignored her. I put my red leather jacket on with my glasses. August took Jonah to the car and a confused Kye got in the back with him. I got in staring straight ahead the whole car ride. August kept looking at me with a worried and concerned expression on his face.
When we got to the house I walked in carrying Jonah. All I heard was crying. No talking just crying. I sat down with August and Kye on a small couch ignoring the apologies from everyone. Why are they saying sorry to me?
If someone says the word sorry one more time I swear to god I will go the fuck off. Guess who said it. Guess who. My mom. Again.
I stood up containing my anger. Then she said it again.
"OK STOP FUCKING SAYING THAT YOU'RE SORRY!!!! ONLY SAY THAT IF YOU ARE THE ONE THAT CAUSED HIS HEART ATTACK!! I DO NOT CARE IF YOU ARE SORRY FOR ME! ALL OF YOU. I KNOW THAT THE ONLY REASON YOU FEEL THAT WAY IS BECAUSE I WAS FORCED TO THINK HE WAS DEAD FOR EIGHT YEARS AND THEN WHEN I GET HIM BACK HE REALLY DIES. I don't care" I walked away from my shocked mom and sat on the back patio followed by August.
"Come here" I sat on his lap laying my head on his shoulder.
"I'm a crazy person"
"No you aren't. What you said was true"
"No. I'm crazy because I'm not sad"
"Rayna people deal with big losses in different ways. Maybe you're acting like this because you had practice already believing both of them were dead for almost half your life"
"Yeah. I know one thing. When Kye's time comes my reaction will be completely different. The complete opposite"
"I know"
"Isn't it so ironic? I just yelled at them for saying sorry and now I have to go say sorry"
We walked back in and I said sorry to everyone.
Later
Kye and Jonah were both sleeping while August and I sat on the couch watching Baby Boy drinking wine. My dad's funeral is tomorrow. I don't want to go. The only thing I'll get from it is pity because our whole family probably knows why I was gone for eight years.
I fell asleep laying on August's lap an hour later.
Morning
I got up and took a really long shower letting the water run down my face and through my hair. When I got out I wrapped a towel around me tightly looking at myself in the mirror. I did my makeup after drying my hair. I brushed my teeth for I don't know how long. I was in a daze.
I put on cherry scented lotion then slowly put on a black VS push up and matching panties. I looked through my dresses finally finding a black maxi dress with spaghetti straps. I put it on with a pair of black stilettos.
I grabbed a gray cross body bag and put my phone, wallet, and some essentials in it. I put some small diamond earring on with the necklace that came with it. I went to Jonah's room and got a little black suit for him to wear.
I gave him a quick bath and got him dressed. I did his hair with hair gel then went up to Kye's room. She was already awake getting dressed. I went to the kitchen and ate an apple.
I sat Jonah on the counter feeding him some apple sauce. I opened the window to get some air and almost had a heart attack when the guy from the Bentley was standing right in front of the screen.
"Who are you and why have you been stalking me?" I asked moving away from the window.
He just creepily walked away. Wtf? August came in the kitchen in a suit that coincidentally matched Jonah's. He gave me a kiss and got some cereal. Kye walked in with her hair not done.
"Can you do my hair?" She asked me. I took the brush and hair tie from her and since she likes her ponytails tight I brushed it all back into a tight ponytail. I put the black flower headband on her head and put her oxygen tank on her back.
We left arriving at the church a little early. Inside my grandma looked at me with remorseful eyes. I gave her a hug and sat down. During the service people cried and spoke about my dad. Then they started the will reading.
Shalia got his most expensive car, mom got the money, Kechia got half of his trust fund, Jayania got the other half, Kayla got his other car and his motorcycle. Amber got a house for her and Carson and I surprisingly got his parents beach house. After the funeral we went to watch them lower his coffin into the ground. We skipped the lunch party and us four went to McDonald's.
I got a salad, french fry, and an ice cream. I shared with my greedy son who most likely ate more than me.
"Ray I don't feel good" Kye stated right before she passed out.
"Shit!" August and me jumped up from our seats. He picked her up while I got Jonah and we ran to the car. He sped to the hospital and we took her inside. They took her to a room and had us wait in the lobby.
Great! Paparazzi are here. They started asking us both questions and August could tell I was getting mad. Security pushed them all out the door but they didn't leave. An hour later the doctor sat next to us.
"She's awake but she's not looking too good. This is a major sign that she's close to the end of the rope here. You can come see her now" We got up following him to her room. August held my hand tightly when the door opened. They had her hooked up to a bunch of tubes and machines and stuff. It was horrible. Her face was so pale.
She has to stay here until she can lift herself up again. I'm staying with her. I know that for a fact.
"Can you bring me some clothes?" I asked August.
"Yeah"
"And some sneakers. And my headphones. And a beanie. And a toothbrush. And some money. Oh and-"
"Rayna I'll bring your whole room"
"*laughs* I think I wanna use the beach house for my birthday party"
"Ok then that's the only thing you have to worry about. The rest is all me"
"Alright"
Jonah unexpectedly kissed my cheek making me laugh. I think I'll be fine when Kye goes. Maybe.
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