Contemplating (Completed)

Chapter 37 - Together

Chaeyoung's POV 

It's always perfect when you actually have a home. Before this, it's only a house to me. Space where I take some rest from the world, but when she's inside that house, it becomes my home then. Lately, I've been busy with things around school, Mina always came home alone since I needed to stay a little longer. But, every time I went home she's always there waiting for me, the dinner always on the table, and no matter how sleepy she is she will accompany me to eat. The best part is when she sleeps in my embrace. It always feels so comfortable and content.

Today just like any other day, I should stay a bit late at the office. Then, I and my friends from high school will visit our friend who just gave birth. Actually, I am not really sure about visiting her at the hospital. It's hard for me the past years to look a baby in the eye, I will end up crying. Seeing babies and toddlers always reminds me of Maddie. My Madison. But I believe I should overcome this. Especially it's my close friend who just gave birth.

I and my friends then come to the hospital, I don't know why but I could feel that my hands are all sweaty. I am scared. We enter the ward then. My friend's laying there, with her husband beside her. Thank God, the baby isn't there. We then give her our congratulations, we bring her presents as well. She says that the baby is now asleep, so we can't see her. I take a deep breath and feels relieved.

No one in South Korea knows about my past regarding Maddie. I never tell a single soul. It's just too painful to me to share the stories. Not even Mina. Even I only tell Dongwoon Oppa and my family a bit. They somehow understand it and never ask me anything after I came home. My heart hurts everytime I think about my baby. I often cry at night thinking about it.

All of sudden, the nurse come in and bring a baby to my eyes. The nurse says that the baby needs to be fed so she brings her here. I could see my friend gracefully holding her baby, all of my friends then come close to her as they would like to see her, but I am taking my step back. I could see the daddy feeling happy too. It's indeed a happy moment, why am I being the one who feels down all by my self. The memory flashes when Nayeon and I held our baby together, I remember feeling so much joy that day. But she's gone. She's now gone.

"Chaeyoungah, do you want to hold her" The baby mother ask me.

I slapped by the reality.

"No.....No....No......I, I, I am not good at holding a baby, I am sorry"

"That's fine, Chaeyoungah, I am also not that great at first, but when I have her in my arms, I feel utter joy and all of the sudden, I feel capable" The baby dad say to me.

I know, I know that feeling, I was supposed to hold my baby up until now. Until she's gone.

No, I can't crack here. I can't cry here.

"Minyoungie, I need to go, I am sorry I forget that I need to do something important"

Minyoung looks confused.

"Guys, I need to go first okay"

"Minyoungie, Younggi-ssi again, congratulations on being parents, really"

Then I rush immediately. I am bawling at my car. I miss my Maddison so much. I held her in my arms too many time. Seeing a view like that hurts me. It cut me deep. I stay for almost an hour in the car. I can't come home and face Mina in a state like this.

After I get better, I drive myself home. See, this is why I don't want to involve with hospitals and kids anymore. It drives me crazy.

When I home and take a front door, I could see Mina just taking off her apron. Seeing her always lifted up my mood in an instant. I am home now. Feels like all the burden and sadness suddenly wear off. Or not.