The Damning Of My Poet Soul

179

Apollo's attempt at love,
Can't you see that this is me, I stand before you,
My bow strung,
Graceful without care,
That your standing at the other end,
Because my arrow always finds a true mark in the end.
And I'd like to thank my father, Zeus For he has shown me how to pick a man off,
By the simplest of discoveries,
Mere glimpses to the inside,
And what if that man,
Lust is something far from my mind,
And yet I can not tell you the risks at the pain I take to feel,
Because yes I know I said I never would choose a man,
But what would happen if I was still that boy you claim me as?
What happens then,
In your eyes am I any longer a man?
That is impossible for it to be.
Keep throwing your curses out to me,
I'm sure I'll eventually give in and play that game of tag,
Waiting for the moment you say the right thing,
So that was I can assure you that I am still your young man,
You deemed yours,
Fear not I'll let you down,
Don't treat me like my choice is bad, because not once have I ever seen one but two treated at the likes of my dad,
And that influences my every step around  any man,
And the arrow pointed at your forehead I cannot seem to let loose from its bow,
No matter how far you dare to push my threats,
You're more likely to drive the arrow through your own head.

 Sipping on life like it's wine,

Such a lovely Ruby red,

Turned black in the dark,

Can you see there a difference from a sip to forget you are sad,

And I sip because you wanna get high,

At down here off the mountain, you have brought me,

I miss the bite of the windy cold,

Away from the crackling fire,

And yet the storm I still see here raging against me,

Is there on the horizon darkening?

I don't really wanna talk about the things in the bags of memories inside of my chest,

Just take that stuff off of your back and relax,

Because can't you understand,

I can not relax enough to even put down the bow,

Come on I don't wanna shoot my fear down,

Come on Zeus let's put down the weapons,

And swing one last punch instead,

Because this time understand,

That I take as the man you think I am,

Because can't you see I will forever be the one with the keys in my ignition by the end of the night,

Ready to take off and leave,

Without a word,

Can you see I can not but forever own a lot of my sense to how I can see it happen,

I don't understand my new methods,

But it makes me float,

And I love it up here in the clouds,

I do not care up here all alone I can be myself,

And don't you understand I am a man the wouldn't except just any man,

As even a friend,

And a girl that's got to much heart to give,

A lost little human who loves to write down it's every emotion,

I am the one that can find a connection with everyone.

How can it be that when I look in the mirror but I see not all but only one?

Someone cut me open and dissect my heart,

Just see how many versions of me you might see,

Probably have a piece for every soul I have seen,

And it makes this heart forever a mess,

Because how can man do it,

Don't you doubt that you're not perfect?

Don't you fear I will let the arrow lose?

I don't even trust me,

I seem so shady,

The point behind the red wine blood of life I keep sipping from.

Don't worry I get off of more than just you,

And I wish I could close my eyes,

Take aim and let the arrow sail,

To its mark,

Pray and hope the winds are against me, and somehow I am off.

Thump I retract into the dark,

Thump, I seek my inner power to relax into the shot,

And send it into the air,

And get I am addicted to the strum of music from the arrow twang so I got another in the slot of my bow.

Opening my eyes to see who's been shot.

Don't you see,

I've always thought it was best to have your own back,

And I could never let you have the back of a man,

Even with the face done up In its makeup,

And it's always a pretty thing to see,

Can you see I love the cold winter colors,

But hate the cold.

Don't you worry I don't care what I lock in the depths of my soul,

Don't you see I am forever the color of a lonely skeptical man starving,

And I can not help but feel so at home,

Know that one day I just very well shoot my own heart,

And don't you realize I can never put it down,

For it is my only safeguard as a man,

Don't you see I have my own weaponry,

And my battle cry has been urging so loud,

Oh god let's just take this to full out bloody war,

I'm addicted to the panic fueled killing,

That somehow merges into white silence,

Oh please, why is it so loud,

What is wrong with me in a moment like this,

I would shoot every man down,

Welcome to the battlefield,

You're on it too,

Don't tell me that,

You can not fight,

Because even the little girl I was could fight,

The poison of the pain,

Blurring whatever is left of my brain,

And out come to that twisted battle cry,

That echoes just like the rest in the valleys below,

Just one more time,

Let me feel that needlepoint acidic anger,

As arrows pierce my skin,

Don't you understand stand,

I hate the pitch black smoke,

Emitted by the battle cries,

Into that static electricity of emotion.

And this is why in

Apollo's attempt,

Know that I do not think I can have one drawn,

The bow and arrow forever at my side,

And it only takes two

Beats of a heart of scarred stone.

-Josh