The Damning Of My Poet Soul

173

Tick tock goes the clock,
It's loaded just like an amped up Glock,
You don't understand the hair wire trigger,
That's inside my head,
And the things that make me angry,
Don't you dare jump to a conclusion,
Without proper education,
Because there are people that spend years studying to do what you just did,
Don't you dare say you know how I feel,
You don't want me speeding but you don't want me to hit the break,
Maybe I'ma hit it too hard,
And smash your head into the windshield,
But I'm gonna be the one that goes flying through it.

And when I lay down to bed,
I don't even know what I'm left with,
I know you gotta breath,
But when you've had hands around your throat,
And every breath burns and comes out in rasps,
Oh god, it hurts for days,
And never goes away,
The sound of my breath,
Torn and ragged,
Underneath his hands,
My feet off the ground,
And no matter how hard I struggle I can not get away from his grip.

Don't you understand,
That he's my definition of physical abuse,
And no matter how hard I try,
I will never burn that memory,
Because my throat it still burns,
From his grip and still, I struggle to get away,
I wanna breathe but his hands are in the way,
And I am sick of breathing but getting no air,
The only thing I hear is the ragged rasp of those breaths,
And my heartbeat pounding in my ears,
As I claw at the hands taking away my breath.

I can never let you have that opportunity,
To abuse me the ways one did,
And I can not help but place that same potential on your shoulders,
Because you yourself are a man.

And the only reason I ever got lose from that grip,
One begged me to wake up,
Telling me in my dark slumber,
After that slow fall to the ground,
With all my colors and that consistent heartbeat fading,
That he could never do without me.

I don't have to dig deep,
To find those scars,
Even though the bruises he left are so far gone,
Dearest, you will never remove the pain,
I tread so carefully around you,
Knowing that the wrong step,
Could place me in the same situation,
I dare not anger such a monster,
Knowing the things that you could do,
Are the things that haunted my dreams into nightmares for so long,
Drove me into an insomniac to avoid reliving such nightmares,
And even though they have long since faded from my sleep,
I remember them,
And I dare not anger the monster I know as man.

Never did I ask for this,
You make me so uncomfortable,
Knowing that you too hold the potential,
That you too are one of the monsters,
I have long since feared.