no name girlxgirl (COMPLETED)

one step forward

Her arms are wrapped tightly around me. Luckily, we didn't have sex last night. For the first time she respected me not being in the mood. I had a dream last night. It was beautiful.

There was a butterfly under the warm sunlight. It flapped its wings in the morning breeze, strong. The orange colour that radiates its beauty with black lines shimmering its shape. I remember that butterflies only have a period of one month to live. Such a pity they have such short life span. But in the duration of that month, they maximize their living; to eat, to reproduce and to beautify nature. This particular butterfly generously landed on my nose and as I stared into its small invisible eyes, we seem to have an understanding. Don't ask me how. I'm not a butterfly whisperer. But its stare was meaningful that it stroke something inside of me. It stayed there for another 10 seconds before flying away, joining other butterflies. And I ran. Just to see where they're headed. A swarm of butterflies roared up in the air and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And the butterfly that I met earlier seemed to blend in well with the others. Infact, it stood out the most that it was the one leading. But then my feet reached to an edge of a cliff. Those butterflies kept on flying and never looked back. Except for that orange beautiful butterfly. It halted, gave me a friendly stare before resuming its leading role. A tear escaped my left eye. Then my right. And I was awake.

                Although being like this in her arms makes me extremely happy but I know better. This won't last forever. This affection would only last so long till her eyes shoot open. And I'll be thrown back into a hell called School. Do I not deserve better? I remembered last night, she held me so close to her and so tight. Part of me knew it was forced. Another part of me knew it was genuine. She half-portrayed her true emotions at me last night. But that might have been a slip on her part. I thank God because I think I'm the only one who has ever seen her fragility. Her being vulnerable is the best thing I've ever seen in a person. 

I still remember how I fell in love with her. It was a Summer night. And I had come to the lake to play with the water. Not to swim, because it's late at night. Just to escape from my loud and vibrant sisters, even just for a little while. It was a quiet night. You can almost hear the stars twinkling above. Then I saw her. Wearing a white summer dress that falls nicely just above her knees. But her face was clouded with tears, tearing the mascara she must have put so much effort in. Her voice was cracked in between the sobs and hiccups. Did I mention her hiccups were so adorable?

"Your hiccups are adorable," I startled her.

                Apparently, she didn't notice my presence earlier. Quickly, she wiped away her tears and stood with arms crossed.

"Who are you?" her voice sounded sharp.

"I'm about to transfer here next semester."

                That was the start of a beautiful friendship; or so I thought. All Summer, we spent the time together, just the both of us. She let me see a different side of her (compared to how she is now at school). We laughed, we cycled through the woods and maybe we kissed a little. I was head over heels for her. But then school started and things changed. She changed. On my first day here, instead of giving me a full tour of the school like any other student, she ignored me. She didn't even acknowledge our time spent together during the summer. But on the second day, she suddenly took an interest in me and took me under her wings, or should I say under her legs. Instantly, she announced that I was her bitch. And here we are today. It's been 6 months but the Tara I knew back then never came back. Well, some of the time she'd accidentally show it to me but she would snap herself out of it and returned to her bitchy atittude. 

But I should stop waiting, shouldn't I? She's never coming back.

                And the dream about that butterfly taught me something; that I have to live my life. So carefully, I sneak under her arms and get out of bed. Luckily she's a heavy sleeper. As I gather my clothes and stuff, I take one last look at her. My heart feels burdened to leave her.