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"I am destroying myself so other people can't and it's the worst kind of control but it's the only form I know."
___
Tap-Tap-Tap
Comes a wake-up call in the form of a baton being rapped harshly against the metal to my cell the sound echoes off the bare walls, resonating in dead air. I don't stir, even though it's gotta be four in the morning, but that's because it's expected by now and besides it's hard to get a wake-up call if you never slept to begin with. Part of it is spite, not wanting to give Griggs the satisfaction of scaring me awake like he does to the other inmates here at Arkham the other part of it is simply not sleeping, not being able to close my eyes and fall into blissful darkness. The few times my eyes closed was never darkness, it was either terrifying nightmare from my past or bittersweet dreams of life with Jay. Those were worse than the nightmares because I'd wake up each time thinking I was back in bed with his arms wrapped around my waist, Bud and Lou curled up at our feet, the only sound to be heard was the differently toned breaths.
“Come on now Brownie babe,”Griggs calls out through the bars with that disgusting pet name for me,” you coming over here or do I need to come and get ya?”
I'd like to see him try it and hear what kind of strangled sound comes out of him after I shatter his esophagus. He may be a big guy but he's not nearly as strong as he thinks.
I move my leg that's folded across my other to glance at his stupid smirking face, you'd think I was naked with that look on his face. Pathetic. But I guess if I were him I'd drool at the sight of me too.
Deciding it's more fun to get to humor the pathetic guard and let him think he's in control with a smile that he reads as sweet and empty headed. He had no clue in that chauvinistic mind of his that every facial expression, every giggle, each tilt of the head is calculated because I know men like Griggs. I've only dealt with them my entire life.
“ That's a good girl.” He praised, making the bile in my usually empty stomach as I cross the rooms small distance.
" you've got a date with the nerd today, gorgeous “
Oh, so now Matthews wants to deal me again after almost anything two weeks of solitary and going insane with Felix's incessant chatter? I roll my eyes blowing a strand of hearts from my face. Tough luck.
“Yeah, thanks but no thanks.” I tell as I lean in close with my hand wrapped around the bars.
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