My Second Love ✓

26. Pretence

Khushi Pov

Standing up from that place I marched inside determining to prove myself.

From where shall I start? Shall I confide with arnav or let him realise by himself? No he already suffered enough, he has all the rights to know how his life is shaping. 

From where should I start? How to forget siddharth? Will I able to do it? Will I be loyal to arnav? Wouldn't it be a betrayal to siddharth? How will I be loyal betraying another person?

How would I mingle myself with arnav? I promised to be loyal but that means forgetting siddharth and there's no need to love arnav. Is it possible? How will I live my whole life like this, thinking treating arnav as a stranger? Hell, how can he live with a person like me. He has better options. Already he is ready to divorce. If it happens then... I have to apart from him and one or other day he'll marry a girl who loves him unconditionally while I...I die alone...

Agrhh...

Even though I accepted the challenge, I was confused to the sky. Calming myself I called maya again.

"Now what khushi? Don't tell me you changed your decision" Maya said irritatedly without even greeting me. But who cares, I have more issues to handle.

"I...Maya... Won't it be a betrayal to siddharth if I...Accept..Arnav..." I asked in a feeble voice.

Sighing she spoke "No dear. I am glad at last you think to give a chance to jiju. Don't worry about your past. Doesn't he died, think wisely khushi who'll cry over the closed chapter of their life? Leave it...What do you gain by crying over him? Peace, happiness, joy..Nothing. Instead, you're losing your peace, happiness and joy. Now tell me what does that siddharth gave you that you're hell bent on spoiling your life? Even when you had been with him, he never completed you, never gave the happiness you deserve, never gave the feeling which makes you feel you're the happiest person in the world. Agreed, some love has been not much happy as they face hardships but what keeps them happy through little things was LOVE. Now tell me did you felt like that with siddharth?"

"No..." I answered pondering over her words. She is right, what was the need to cry over him when he's no more. Will he come back and cry over me accuse me of betraying him..No..

Immediately flashes of party played infront of my eyes.

"Then who is the person, I saw in the party?" I asked not wanting to add another confusion to my bucket list.

"Do you trust me?" Asked she.

"Hmm..."

"He's not siddharth, trust me. He is a lookalike of siddharth and if you want I will personally search for him but you should not involve in this. Don't think about him, your priority is jiju" some clouds of confusion cleared on my mind. Now my soul mission is to forget siddharth if...If.. Possible...Give a chance to myself with arnav...

"Bye..." Ending the call I determined to change myself once for all.
   

Impatiently tapping my sandals on the floor I waited for him to grace with his presence. There was no such work here that keeps me engaged. Though I want to utilize that time by planning for my future I passed the time leisurely. Many times I put him in the guilty spot for taking a decision on his own when my life is entwined with him. But after maya speech one thing I realised and trying to erase was the same issue. Knowing my decision will affect arnav I barely cared.

Will I be successful? What if I get more hurt in the process? Will arnav understand me and my feelings? Will he help me? Only if he arrives I'll get answers to my questions.

Doing nothing it was hard to sustain in this huge flat alone. Hope he arrives soon..

Not making me wait more he came by night.

"Here is the food. From tomorrow onwards a cook and a helper will start their work" He said handing the cover.

Nodding I served it on the dining table.

"No need to do all this. I'll serve myself" He said curtly. Maybe he's angry with me for staying in separate rooms.

I let away myself "I want to have a talk with you"

"Hmm...I too have" I frowned thinking what he wants to talk.

Unlike afternoon he helped me on cleaning the table.

"So tell me" He asked comfortably sitting in his seat.

All of sudden I felt nervous, nervous to start the topic. What the hell I was supposed to say? What was I suppose to talk?

I snapped out hearing him clearing his throat purposely to gain my attention.

"You too have something to talk tight, say me?" I tried to delay my side of conversation.

He gazed me for a brief time "What about your work? Did you quit it or planning to continue here?"

Is this what he wants to ask?

"I got myself transferred here. Will be starting from next week" I replied thinking whether to ask his help or not.

"Err...Can you help me to find my office?" I asked straight to his eyes. I wondered why I never look straight into his eyes. Maybe I was guilty.

"Yeah..Sure" He nodded keeping mum moving his gaze elsewhere.

A thick line of awkward silence filled the room making the environment more embarrassing.

"You want to speak right" He said breaking the silence.

My fingers fiddled in its own accord in nervousness. How will I tell him when all those days I did nothing but insult him on every step? Oh..I couldn't even dare to say my thoughts aloud like I did earlier. Hell, I never face such situation where I am struggling to speak.

"Khushi... Anything you need?" He asked again.

Mustering my muddled thoughts I raised my eyes to him "Friends..."

I extended my hands while he stood up in shock. It made me more nervous, Did I ask anything wrong? Will he accept?

I purposely cleared my throat to gain his attention.

"Arnav..."

"I thought you have many friends then what happened now?" He asked raising his brows.

If anyone denied me like that, then I'll never speak to them. How can I expect him to accept my friendship then?

"Uhmmm...Yeah...But... Can't we be friends?" I don't know what to answer, his question shows me the mirror. How bad must he have felt when I denied it on his face? How humiliated it would be? What had you done khushi!

"Let's not get into that zone then, any relation should not be forced. It has to happen naturally even if it was friendship. Until then we're just flatmates, what say" He said casually. But I felt offended.

"But..."

"I don't believe in starting a relation with sour which will end as bitter" He said fueling my anger.

"What do you mean by sour?" I raised my voice.

"Don't tell me you don't know the meaning of sour. I don't want to point out but if you feel so, then hear...I am sure this thought didn't occur to you easily. Either meera forced you or your friend..Who..Haan..Maya... It's not from your heart. You're forcing yourself. Let it free khushi, neither I am running nor will let you. Take your time but..You know everything has a limit. All I can say is, feel free. Live your life, if we're bound to happen then it'll happen at any cost. We'll try out...Good night" Saying this he left to his room.

I stood baffled, how he read my inner thoughts and struggle. He understands me more than myself. That's what everyone searches in their life partner, even me too some years back.

Maybe he's the one for me. Siddharth is a pretence.

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Thank you for your support guys..

Have some other work so next update will be after two or three days.