Badboy & The Troublemaker

│Feelings│*

"That was one of the saddest things about people--their most important thoughts and feelings often went unspoken and barely understood." 

∞Feelings∞

~Ash~

Soon the blackness dulls away into a bright white light, and I groan throwing a hand over my eyes.

"You're awake" a deep voice says and I look up to Austin sitting at the foot of my bed. As I sit up and look around, I realize that I was in fact not in my room. I sit there, not evening joking around about his sheets being infected with STDs. I close my eyes as flashbacks of last night flash through my mind.

The way Trey's hands violated my body, the way his lips were forced on mine, the way he touched me. My eyes snap open and I stand up, walking in front of the mirror. I hug myself as I close my eyes. I shiver in disgust. I felt so used and disgusting. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I felt like a slut. What else was I good for? He got what he needed, and now he's going to wave it in my face. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him.

"Fuck" I curse as I open my yes. I grab my shoes, and jacket running down the stairs, ignoring Austin's voice behind me. I run barefoot on the sidewalk and I suddenly stop, taking a seat on the curb. I put my head in my hands and just start to silently cry.

No noise, just tears.

Tears for losing Michael, tears for letting my mom go and tears for letting a guy use me. I wipe away my tears to see Austin standing in front of me with a box of tissues in hand. I get up and grab some tissues, wiping away tracks of makeup. I sigh, running a hand through my rat nest. I pull down my dress and look at my feet. They were dirty, muddy, and grimy.

"You must be so fucking happy" I say looking up at Austin.

"What?" he says confused.

"You must be so fucking happy to see me like this, to be right! You must be glad that you were right about Trey!" I snap and he frowns.

"Ash, I would never be happy to see you or anyone for that matter, being treated like this" he says shocking.

"No need to sugar coat it, I know he raped me" I say quietly and close my eyes. I open my eyes as he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"I know I say that I hate you and all, but really Ash, you're a strong bitch" he says and I smirk.

"You couldn't resist calling me a bitch asshole" I say and he smiles.

"Breakfast?" he asks and I nod, silently following him into what I realized was his house. I had been so out of it, I wasn't aware of my settings.

I sit on a chair while Austin makes eggs. He sets an omelet on a plate in front of me with some French toast. I stare down at my food and remember the pancakes my mom had just made for me yesterday. And then it hits me.

That day when my mom calling me sobbing, she was apologizing for leaving me, for wanting to commit suicide.

"I love you so much Ash, and i hope you can forgive me"

Tears fill my eyes as I realized that she had tried to commit suicide that night we had talked. She stayed just to see me one last time.

Of course that's why she came out of the blue, and what had she wanted to tell me?

She wanted to indirectly tell me that she was leaving, how could I not notice?!

"I have to go" I say and put on my shoes and jacket.