You Are My Sunshine (Jalex)

10. Depression

Jack's p.o.v

After dinner me, Zack, and Rian all went back to our small cabin. I was hoping that Alex would be there. But of course he's not. His guitar is gone though, maybe I could use that as a clue?

I didn't see him on the roof, so I have no idea where he could be hiding.

I'm gonna find him though.

I don't like when people are upset, it puts me in a bad mood, only making the situation worse.

I want to know what's going on inside his mind. I want to know why he snapped at me, why he talked to me like that. What is so bad that he's avoiding not just me, but everyone.

"Where's Alex?" Zack asks, looking at Alex's empty bunk.

"Yeah?" Rian wonders as well.

I lick my lips and shrug at the two boys in front of me.

"I don't know, I'm gonna go look for him" I tell them heading to the door. I grab a hoodie on the way, learning from my past mistakes.

"We should help too" Zack smiles, stepping closer to me.

"Uh...no, I think it's best if I go alone"

I'm not quite sure why I said that, of course it would be best if they helped look for Alex, he would be found way faster. But my brain decided it would tell them not to come with me for some odd reason.

My brain always seems to be scrambled when I think about Alex.

"Why not?" Rian questions from behind Zack.

"It's hard to explain- just... I'll go look" I rush out the cabin door leaving a confused Zack and Rian behind.

Where could he possibly be?

He took his guitar right? Alright I'll just listen for strumming or singing...god I would love to hear him sing again. His singing voice is amazing, the way his eyes close when his focusing on a song, his voice so beautiful and- I'm getting off track.

Alright focus.

Alex is a very shy and reserved person, so he's not in anyone elses cabin.

He's not on the roof like usual.

Think Jack, think.

What about the eating area?

I totally forgot about that. Me, Zack, and Rian used to always sneak inside and eat some food since they don't have any security around. The food tasted like shit most of the time, but when you're hungry it doesn't really matter.

As I speed walk over to the eating area I hear the faint sounds of a guitar being played, gradually getting louder as I sneak closer.

That's when I see him. Sitting on one of the long wooden tables crossed legged, Singing a song quietly to himself.

Me being nosy and wanting to hear his voice, I listen very closely to his words. I hide behind a trash can, hoping he doesn't see me staring.

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me

Wow

Why are my eyes watering?

"I-I like your song" I complement, standing up and making myself seen.

He snaps his head up, looking at me in shock. "Jack? What are you doing here?!" he asks with widened eyes.

I walk to the table he's on, climbing on top and sitting in front of him. "I wanted to make sure you're ok" I respond shyly, avoiding his gaze, scared that he's going to snap at me again.

He sighs, turning his body so he can place his guitar behind him.

"Jack, look at me"

I obey, turning my head. Curious of what he's going to say, I await an answer.

"I'm sorry" he gives me a sad smile.

"For what?"

"For yelling at you. You didn't deserve that" he shrugs.

"It was my fault...it was none of my business" I know it's none of my business but I still wanna know, what can I say I've taken a liking to this shy boy.

Silence takes over us, neither of us knowing what to say or talk about. I can tell that Alex is uncomfortable. He's nervously picking at his bandaged nails, the sound making me cringe.

"I don't know" he says suddenly.

"What?" I ask, tilting my head to the side.

"I don't know why I'm upset, I just..." He takes a deep breath, chucking half heartily. "Nevermind" he shakes his head, fiddling with his hands that are resting on his lap.

"Tell me" I grab his hands to make him stop.

He looks up from his lap to focus his attention on me. He looks me in the eyes for a long moment before he sighs, giving in.

"I can't believe I'm telling you this." he takes a deep breath continuing. "I have depression. I don't know why I'm sad...I-I just can't stop it. sure I could get antidepressants, but those don't always work, or it just makes things worse. It's stupid I know-"

"It's not stupid Alex" I interrupt not wanting to hear Alex talk down about himself.

"Yes it is! I don't have a reason to be depressed...I just am"

I chuckle slightly "that's what depression is Alex"

He sighs slipping his hands out of mine.

Oh right, I forgot we were holding hands. I'm sad we're not anymore, my hands feel so empty and cold.

"I'm sorry" he hangs his head in shame.

"Why?"

"For giving you a dumb reason"

"It's not dumb" I offer a smile.

He doesn't return it though, he just shrugs rubbing his clothed arms.

"Are you cold?"

He laughs, wow that was adorable. I want him to do it again

"always"

I think for a minute before an idea pops up in my head. If we were in a cartoon a light bulb would have lit up over my head. "Here."

I slide him towards me spinning him around so his back is towards me, the tables surface making him easy to move around. I wrap my arms around his torso holding him against my stomach like he did to me on the roof.

"T-thanks" Alex squeaks.

I can literally feel the heat coming off of his face.

It's like a mini fire.

We sat like that for the rest of the night, talking about random stuff. From favorite songs and bands, to space, to giraffes wearing tu-tus which ended in us talking about Dallon in a tu-tu.

I made Alex smile and laugh a lot which feels like a huge accomplishment since he barely does either of those. I really wish he did though, he's adorable. He doesn't believe me even though I've told him a few times now.

At around three in the morning we went back to the cabin, where we fell asleep cuddled together in my bed, like usual.

Oh right, that's a thing!

Alex seems to sleep better when he's beside me, so that's just become our routine. Zack and Rian think we're dating because of it.

God I wish they were right...