You Are My Sunshine (Jalex)

1. A Big Bag Of Nope

Alex's p.o.v

So what if I've been moping around since school ended? I can't help it, I have seasonal depression. Sure I have depression all year round, but it's extra worse in the spring and summer.

I think it's because outside is all bright and sunny.

See, I'm not like normal kids, I hate the summer. Summer makes me realize how much I'm wasting my life and that I don't do anything, I just get so down...and that's the reason I was moping around I guess. I blame the weather.

Winter is my favorite season without a doubt. For one it has Christmas (one of my favorite holidays) and snow, and I love how it gets cold and you can curl up and drink hot chocolate without dying from the heat. I can also be free to wear hoodies without my parents judging me.

They usually judge me for the fact that I wear hoodies all year round, same with wearing all black. You'd think that I would burn in the summer, but I don't. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm cold almost all the time.

Maybe I'm cold all the time because I'm dead inside?

"Alex, we're leaving soon. Are you ready?" I hear my mom yell from downstairs.

I close my suitcase shut with a sigh "yeah, I'll be right down" I yell back.

I really don't want to go to summer camp and deal with a bunch of strangers, that's not good for my social anxiety.

I grab my suitcase and my phone, I know there's not going to be any wifi there, but just in case I will bring it anyways, thinking that I can maybe listen to music there and ignore everyone around me while listening to the sweet sounds of foo fighters and blink.

Shit where did I put my earbuds?!

I spin around in a circle, looking around my room like a lost puppy.

I spot them on my dresser that my emo ass had painted black last summer after my dad told me I couldn't. Naturally I did it anyway because you know, fuck him.

Snatching my white earbuds off my dresser, I shove them in the pocket of my favorite black hoodie.

Pretty much everything I own is black, encase I didn't make it clear by now.

I make a check list in my brain making sure I remember everything.

I brought a shit ton of clothes (all black of course)

there's no point bringing my hair straighter if there's not gonna be any outlets. I guess my hair isn't going to be straight...just like me.

Yay gay jokes!

I high five myself, instantly wondering why I'm like this. I bet normal people don't do stuff like this...I wonder what it's like to be normal? It's probably pretty boring.

Mom said they have pillows and blankets in the cabins so I don't need to bring any of mine.

I would bring my melatonan or whatever to help me sleep, if it wasn't for the fact that it doesn't work on me. I've tried many things to help me sleep, yet I have no luck.

The doctors said I'm too young to be put on sleeping pills, so I'm kind of just suffering in the meantime. Getting hardly any sleep is a thing I've become a custom to, so I guess I'll just stay wide awake like usual.

That'll be fun at camp. (hint the sarcasm)

"Okay, I think that's everything" I mumble quietly to myself.

Time to get ready to go to hell-I mean summer camp.

I quickly say goodbye to all the band posters hanging on my wall. God, I'm really going to miss seeing all their beautiful faces everyday.

I slowly and hesitantly sulk down the stairs, taking unnecessarily loud steps to annoy my mom who is driving me to the god for saken camp.

Stepping into the kitchen I find my mom making something. I guess she heard my footsteps because she quickly turns around to face me.

"Oh hi. Here's a snack, bud" my mom smiles at me, offering me a peice of pepperoni.

"Thanks, mom" I mumble, accepting the snack with a blank look on my face.

I've been pretty cold towards my parents ever since they told me I was going to summer camp. I feel bad being rude to my mom...as for my dad, I was rude to him before I found out about camp. Let's just say we don't have the best relationship.

He's a dick.

"Are you ready to go?" My mom asks, picking up her black leather purse and slipping it over her shoulder.

"Physically, I guess. Mentally...not even slightly"

My mom understands mental illnesses because she has them too, so it's easy to talk about mental stuff with her. I think that's one of the reasons I get along with her better than my dad, he's pretty ignorant and doesn't understand the way our brains work.

My dad's the kind of person who thinks social anxiety is just being "shy" or that depression is just being sad. No matter how many times I tell him how I really feel he tells me I'm just over reacting.

And that is why I barely talk to my dad.

Not to mention he's not to fond of me being gay either, so conversations have been really weird and tense between the two of us ever since I came out.

He doesn't treat me the same as he did when he didn't know I was a flaming homosexual. It hurts knowing he thinks of me differently now. Nothing I can do about though, he's a stubborn son of a bitch.

"I know sweetie, but you need to start socializing now or else you'll end up like me. Thirty seven and still dealing with social anxiety"

"I'm almost eighteen, I've still got a long time" I insist.

She chuckles shaking her head me. "This will be a good thing for you. Trust me, Alex. I bet you will love summer camp." She insist as she makes her way to the front door, me following close behind her.

My mom locks the door behind me as I make my way to the car. "I doubt that" I sigh loudly.

My dad's at work so I didn't get to say goodbye to him in person. Not that I wanted to anyway. Even though I don't really like my dad, I still say goodbye to him before I go anywhere, so I made sure I texted him, saying a quick goodbye like a good child.

My mom starts the car up and on instinct I lean my head against the car window.

I barely listen to the crap playing on the radio, too busy dreading going to camp to focus on anything. I immediately over think everything that could happen. I hate when my brain does this, it always thinks about the bad stuff more than the good stuff.

Sighing, I look at the blurring scenery that our car passes. I always found this as a good way to calm myself down when I'm in a car and I'm upset, looking at the flash of trees.

Time to get this shit show started...

-

This might be the first Jalex fic that I won't end up deleting.