Finding, and Losing Love- Patrick Kane fanfic

Chapter 34

                *Patrick's P.O.V.*

I see her every single day. I visit her room, staring at her on the bed through the glass windows.

I cannot go in.

My aching heart yearns to touch her, but i know i can't.

She's just learning to walk again, holding out that stick in front of her. But she knows. She knows where she's going, because she can still see light.

"Patrick. You can't always just watch her from behind the glass. Go in." It was Sam, Lyla's brother. He came out of nowhere.

"Sam." I give him a small nod, "You trust me." I mean to this like a question, but it comes out a statement.

"Patrick, I'm not a fool. I know a good person when I see one. I know you make Lyla happy. I've asked the police, you know. They say that... your car was completely at a stop when the other car hit you. It wasn't your fault." Sam sucks in his breath, and slowly breathes out.

"But your Dad's right. Ever since I've been in Lyla's life, it's just been no good for her. We just can't be together, you don't understand." I'm still staring through the window, seeing Lyla walk around in circles.

Sam pauses, but finally speaks up.

"You're wrong. You obviously didn't know Lyla before. Before you, she was quiet, sad, brittle and broken. And that, was truly what i did to her. But you came and you don't know how quickly she grew strong and alive. It was like she was a whole other person. Did she change? Yes. But the important thing was she LIKED the change. She's been asking about you. She... she needs you." Sam looks at me one more time, then retrieves, his footsteps echoing softer and softer in the hallway.

I don't go in. I'm dying, watching Lyla struggle. But i stay there. I'm always here, watching her but she just doesn't know. I watch as she takes a careful step forward, and another step. Her knees suddenly give way, and i can hear the horrible crashing noise from the glass viewing.

I cant help it. My instinct rushes onto me, and i practically rip open the hinges on the door.

"Are you okay?" I help her onto her feet.

Her eyes look clear. Lighter, and distant.

"P-patrick?" She stutters pulling her arm back.

"Uh, uhm... yeah." I stick my hands nervously into my pockets.

"Wha- why haven't you come see me?" Her voice goes high, almost accusing.

"I was here. I was always here, everyday. You just couldn't see me." I say truthfully.

"So you knew," she whispers, "you knew i was stuck in this room, and you still didn't come in." Her tone is harsh, but i can't even look at her anymore.

"It's not like that," i start to say.

"Then what? Then what is it like? Patrick i need you! You can't just bail on me like that, especially when i need you most!"

"I don't know, Lyla. I just... i didn't know if you wanted to see me, i couldn't come in. I just couldn't. You think seeing you like this doesn't hurt me? It hurts like hell! I came out with a broken wrist, but you? I'm the reason why you're like this. You don't deserve to be like this, you've gone through too much. We both got hit by that car, but you had it worse. If i could trade spots with you, i would in a blink of an eye. I just... i didn't know what to do, Lyla. I was alone." My voice finally broke, causing Lyla to look back at where i was.

"You're not alone. I will always be with you, Pat. I just... i just don't know if you'll always be with me." She whispers, holding out her arms.

I couldn't help it. I held her in my arms, but i couldn't bring myself to look at her eyes.

"You're so strong, Lyla. But I'm not... I'm scared." My lips are so close to hers, but i don't dare touch her.

"You're scared? No, I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm never going to be able to do the things that i love and normally do. I'm scared that the things that seemed so beautiful to me are gone. Im scared that I'll forget how people look like, I'm scared that I'll forget the colour of your blue eyes. I'm scared that you'll leave." She leans in, but i know she cant see me.

She kisses me, but she misses my lips. She kisses my jaw, and she feels that.

"S-sorry." She quickly backs away, touching her lips self consciously.

"It's okay," I hold her cheek, rubbing it with my thumb. "My lips are right here." I kiss her, and everything feels the same. Her hair tickles my neck, and her warmth spreads all over me.

"Please don't leave me." Her voice sounds so small, i feel like i want to shield her and protect her from all the bad things in this world. But i can't.

"I...." i hesitate, remembering what her father said.

"You'll only hurt her." His hard voice echoes inside my head.

"I won't. I'm here for good. I'm never leaving." Her head snuggles into my chest, and immediately my insides start to hurt.

How can she be so strong?

"I feel like the world is slowly slipping away from me." She says quietly.

Her words break my heart.

"What do you mean?" I ask, craddling her face.

"I was talking to myself you know that? I thought Laura was here. I didn't hear her leaving, and i just kept talking and talking. I felt like i was crazy." Lyla shakes her head, "I'm not crazy."

"No, you're not. And there's still me. I'm here, and even though you can't see me, you can hear me and touch me." I lean back on the hospital bed, and she does the same.

"I'm going to forget how you look like. You're so beautiful Pat, all the edges on your face, the curves on your body, and....the colour of those eyes." Her eyes looked very scared.

"Listen, Lyla. You're scared i understand. But don't be scared of forgetting me. I will always be here for you. There are surgeries that can fix this right? I know there is. Money is not an issue." I don't know how i got to the point of finding a cure, but there has to be one, right?

Lyla reaches for my hand, and i guide mine to hers.

It kills me to see her this way, looking in every single direction with her eyes, but not looking at me. Her eyes are unfocused.

"There's no cure. It's not my eyes that need correcting, it would be that nerve in my brain. It's useless." She gives off a small sigh.

"When can you get out of here?" I gesture towards the hospital room. Then i remember she can't see, "I mean the hospital." I say.

"Oh, Pat. Not for a long time. They still need to run tests on why i can see light. I have to learn to walk, read, and do everything the way i would do it now." She gives off a small puff, and she brings our intertwined hand's closer to her body, resting it on her thigh.

"You'll be out of here in no time," I brush her tears from her eyes even before they trickle down her cheeks. "I promise."

She shakes her head, letting her hair fall loosely around her face. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

A/N: So Patrick finally went to see Lyla. Oh, the things Lyla's going to miss seeing. His blue, blue eyes, his beautiful face.