Chapter 8
I decided that tonight is the night that I’m going to do it. I’m going to make everyone happy, and I’m going to get the worthless whore I am, off the face of the Earth. Tonight is the night I’m going to kill myself. I had kept telling myself that I’m going to do this, yet I’ve been putting it off all night, so I set a time. At midnight, I will go into the bathroom, take a bottle of sleeping pills and go back into my room and fall asleep and never wake up.
I didn’t do much on my final evening, just scrolling around on Tumblr and Twitter, in hopes that someone might notice how much pain I’m in and actually care. It wasn’t until I posted that I was actually going to kill myself when I received Tumblr messages telling me how it wasn’t worth it, how I shouldn’t do this and how I’m beautiful and a great person. I responded to all of these the same way, “Thank you for your concern :), but I’m still going to do this”. I also received some wall posts on my Facebook, since it’s posted on my Twitter, to which I replied the same as before. I was getting more hate messages, but also some supportive messages from Facebook friends I’ve never talked to before, since my number is on there.
The clock reached 10:30 so I logged out of Tumblr and Facebook for my last goodbye. I went to Twitter, and tweeted the following messages,
“Dear @zaynmalik, I love you :)”
“@NiallOfficial, always know that you’re beautiful! I love you”
“@Harry_Styles, Don’t break too many girls’ hearts, love you”
“@Real_Liam_Payne, I love you, keep on being great!”
“@Louis_Tomlinson, you are my superman, and I love you so much, keep on being amazing :)”
“Goodbye everyone, I won’t be missed, so I don’t even know why I’m posting this..but bye :)”
I logged out of Twitter and laid on my bed, just twiddling around with my phone waiting for 12 to come around. I stepped outside on the balcony outside my room, and looked up at the night sky. It was so beautiful. I’ve always loved the stars and looking up and trying to find all the constellations that I possibly could. I decided to sit out there for a while, as it was unseasonably warm outside. I sat there for a few minutes when my phone went off, I picked it back up and there was a new text,
“I JUST WISH YOU WOULD DIE
ALREADY! NOBODY WANTS YOU
ON THIS WORLD! EVERYONE
WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT
YOU! STUPID WHORE.”
I just sighed as I put my phone back down on the side table. It was 11 now, just an hour left to go, and I planned to spend it sitting outside, taking my last few breaths of fresh air, until the alarm on my phone which I set up goes off. I watched as some deer walked across my yard, eating grass and looking so skittish, they reminded me of myself. If I could live my life over again, I would change who I was, how I acted. I would be more outgoing, less afraid of letting myself love, I wouldn’t take things too seriously, I would be different. At that moment, my phone vibrated once again, but I ignored it. Probably another one of Emily’s messages, and I’m not checking my phone for at least 10 minutes.
As I continued to sit outside, my phone kept on vibrating so I decided on checking it. I had a text, but it wasn’t from a number I recognized, but I opened it anyways.
“I saw on your Twitter page that you
were going to end your life, and I
