Chapter 3:
I made my way to the park fields alone, for which seemed like the first time in forever and through my bags on the ground. I hurriedly took out the ball and began kicking it around the field, trying to get my mind away from reality. Soccer is my way of relieving stress, it’s my drug. I live and breathe Soccer and I play whenever I can, I love it. It’s sort of like my world just kind of fades away once I get focused on the game. I had scored over 5 goals now and figured I should take a break and get some water. I chugged nearly half my bottle and sat down on the muddy grass, but who cares?
I pulled out my phone and noticed yet another new text, I opened it sighing when I read the message,
“I heard you and Justin had sex and
he told me how you weren’t even tight.
How many other guys have you slept
with? 10? 20? Well more than 10 for
sure. I hope I’m making your life better
because I’m just saying what’s true.
And want to hear something else?”
“No” I sighed to myself before continuing to read,
“NOBODY cares about you, if you
were to vanish...nobody would
know or care.”
I don’t even understand why my ex-best friend and ex-boyfriend were ganging up on me to make my life a living hell. I didn’t do shit. She left me for no reason, and he did the same. Whatever.
I got up and ran back over to the field grabbing my ball and vigorously dribbling it around the field and kicking it in the goal. I had done this for about another hour before I started to get hungry, and decided I should probably get back home.
I walked down the street, observing all of the scenery around the very town that I’ve grown up in. As I approached my house, I found the car to not be in the driveway, meaning that my dad had gone out...which was weird on account it was the weekend. See, my dad was never a social person. The only time he really goes out besides work is to go to the supermarket, which I actually went to a few days ago on because of boredom. I decided it was probably something to have to do with the divorce and I continued on inside in search of a note, saying where he’d been. Nothing.
I walked over to the TV Room and plopped myself on the couch and flipped through the channels, not finding a decent show to watch, and opted for ordering an on-demand movie. While scrolling through the selections I saw Grease and laughed to myself. It was one of my favorite movies of all time. I contemplated choosing that very movie, but figured to chose something else because I have seen it around a billion times. Approximately.
I got up and walked to the kitchen, after starting the movie. I had decided on Crazy, Stupid, Love, a cheesy romantic comedy which was just what I was in the mood for. Upon returning to the room with tons of snacks I retreated to the couch looking like a loaded fatass with all of the food I had accumulated.
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As the credits rolled down the screen, my father had stumbled into the house. And when I say stumble, I mean full out drunken walk, quite impressive that he drove himself home without killing himself.
I had never seen my dad drunk before, so I had no idea as to what kind of drunk he was. Evidently, he was quite the angered bugger. He slammed the door shut, knocking pictures off the wall as he made his way through the hall towards the stairs. He stomped up every step, continuing his wreckage of all the family photos on the wall. I sighed in relief after I heard some cursing and the door to his bedroom finally slam. Thank God I had school tomorrow, only because I would be out of the house before he awakes with the killer hangover that he will have tomorrow! Yikes! Sucks for him.
I turned off the TV and quietly walked up the stairs and silently shut the door to my bedroom. I didn’t bother eating dinner since I had eaten tons of junk food before. I decided to shower, and as I hopped in I felt almost automatically relaxed. I was a relatively fast showerer and was out in about 15 minutes, but stayed in the bathroom just looking at myself. I had felt pretty lost about myself, I don’t really know who I am, or where I’m going to go in life. At 18 years old, I should have some sort of path, but I really don’t know. I do know that I want to find someone to settle down with and have a family with. I want to meet that special someone that is so close to being another dream that’s let down. I’m not sure I really believe in love anymore...No one I seem to love ends up staying with me, they always end up leaving me there with my heart broken.
I’ve recently discovered that people leave you. Well, at least in my case. The people that you give your trust to, the people you care about so much, and the people that you love can just give up and leave you. You have no idea who is going to be there for you, which people are going to stay,which are going to leave. And it sucks especially for me being a person who hates surprises.
I lay here in bed, just thinking about all the problems with my life, and getting all of these negative thoughts in my head. I just seem to start hating myself more and more everyday. But, I won’t let Emily’s comments get to me. I won’t let them, I’m stronger than that.
But why does it seem easier said than done?
