Little Shy Ariel (ft. Harry Styles)

Chapter 37 - Villain

Chapter 37 - Villain

I run back home because I don't know what else to do. I feel like all I've been doing today is running and being late. Late for everything.

I run to the lake and as I do that I take off my trainers and dress, throwing them away and then jumping to the water. The only place for me. The only place where I can be at ease. It's the only place that can comfort me. Niall is not around. I couldn't tell my father or Timmy about all this. Mare doesn't want to see me again and Harry... Harry is gone and he probably thinks I hate him.

You ruined it all, I hear Mare's voice. Her words echoing in my mind and it's true. I don't even know what really happened, but I know it's not what I think.

How could I think that? It's like I forgot that I ever knew Harry and Mare. She would never betray me because she always loved me like a little sister. Harry would never lie and use someone, because that's not him. Both of them have always been good people. There has to be a good reason.

And as I swim away I try to put things in perspective.

Harry did say he just wanted to set things straight. He wanted to know why Lake Girl ran away and Mare didn't lie to him, she told him the truth. That she couldn't answer that. And that's why he came. And he was mad at me, but not because I ran away. He understood that. He was mad because I didn't tell him later... when I could. I had many chances, I never did.

He didn't lie. I did. I hid information that a friend wouldn't have hid.

And Mare... I know how she was treated, how people always assumed the worst of her because of her name, which was plain stupid. I knew she was raised to believe people stab you in the back when it best suits them. And I did that. I stabbed her in the back, I turned my back on her the moment I thought she did something wrong. I didn't even give her the chance.

I ruined things for myself. I ruined my friendship with Mare. I ruined my chances with Harry. I did it all. Not Mare, not Harry, not anyone but me.

I overreacted. I was a child. I blew a tantrum when I shouldn't have.

I stop swimming because I can't breathe anymore. Because realisation has hit me so hard that it knocked all the air out of my lungs and now I have to fight to make it come back. I take deep breaths as I try to stay afloat but it's hard. Good thing I'm a great swimmer, otherwise I would be drowning by now. Literally.

I don't know if I'm crying or it's just the sweet water from the lake. I don't know if I'm shivering because I'm cold or because I'm crying.

I think I'm crying. I'm crying because I've realised real life has villains but they are not sea witches like in The Little Mermaid. They are not evil witches or evil stepmothers. No. The real villains are ourselves. I am my own villain and I never realised that.

I stopped myself all these years. I always told myself 'you're not capable'. I talked myself down over and over again. Every time I dared to dream, I destroyed my own dreams. I convinced myself that I couldn't talk to people until I believed it with every cell in my body. And when someone else told I was capable, I allowed doubt to grow in my mind and I did. I did all those things I told myself I couldn't do before.

All the time I was capable of talking to other people. I just never tried because I stopped myself from even trying. I was my villain all the time.

Mare didn't help me overcome my SAD, she helped me to stop attacking myself.

I once read that oneself is our worst enemy and I didn't understand it then. Now I do. Now I really get it. Now I see it.

And as I'm my own villain, I'm the only one who can stop myself. For real. I'm the hero and the villain of my story. I have to do this on my own. There's no homework that can help me this time. No one will tell me what to do because I'm the only one who really knows my enemy.