Little Shy Ariel (ft. Harry Styles)

Chapter 34 - Grownup

Chapter 34 - Grownup

I'm trapped. There's no way I can pay to get out of the contract. I don't have money, even if it's a small contract, but I doubt the deal Mare was offered is something small. We would have to sell the property to Rhonda and I can't ask my dad that. I'll have to comply with my part of the contract even if nothing is the same anymore. Even if my friendship with Mare is broken. I'll have to go with her, work with her, be next to her and hide behind her even if I can't trust her anymore. Even if nothing is the same.

How can I do that? I don't want to do that. But Mare is right... again. I have to act like a grownup and accept the consequences of my acts because there's no way I can hurt Harry to prove her that I didn't do all this because of him. Although... although I think she's right about that, too. It's because Harry went after me to thank me that I wanted so desperately to change, to be able to speak to him. It's because I wanted to be part of his world that I accepted Mare's deal. That I sought for a way to overcome my disorder.

Did I really do all this because of Harry? Because of a boy that went after Mare at the first opportunity he got?

I've seen the rumours and I always thought they were lies. I couldn't believe someone like Harry could be a womaniser. But then this happens. He tells me he doesn't care about Lake Girl anymore, that it's a closed business for him but then goes after her, to thank her. If what Mare told is true. He said he didn't like Mare -even if his reasons were unjustified- and he went after her and took her away from the rest. Why? Because she's prettier? Because she's more confident? Why? I don't get it. He said he was mad at her!

I take a deep breath, still looking at the calm waters of a day in this new summer day. I'm at the dock, trying to figure out what to do, looking at the lake hoping to get some insight from it. But nothing so far. I couldn't sleep last night and I feel like my mind is drowning right now.

I feel betrayed. By Mare and by Harry. Mare shouldn't have gone with Harry knowing I was looking for him and how I feel about him. Harry shouldn't have gone looking for her if what he told me is true. Did both of them lie to me all this time?

And even if Harry lied to me; even if he was just looking for a fling during his break... I can't even fathom the idea of hurting him to prove Mare she's wrong. It's impossible, I don't even know what to do because I have to stop denying it... I did all this because of him. And it hurts so much what he did to me. It hurts so much that he doesn't really like me like I got to hope at some moment. He doesn't return my feelings and that is burning inside of me, leaving a horrible and terrible wound.

I've been wondering how you know if you love someone. Is there a test you can take? Is there an accurate symptom? But now I'm starting to think that the only way to know if you love someone is by how much it hurts when you know you can't have them... when you lose them. When you feel like someone ripped your heart out of your chest and squeezed it in front of you with a grin across their lips. When you feel like that I think you can say you love someone because there is no other way why it would hurt so much if you didn't love that person.

And I think I love Harry Styles.

"Ariel," I hear my name and I shake my head to come back to reality. With my arms wrapped around my own waist I turn around just to feel my shattered heart break again.

Harry is standing right in front of me.

"H-Harry," I stutter and he smiles at me, his hands shoved in his pockets and an awkward smile.

"Hi," he continues and I take a step back, putting distance between us because the pain in my chest is too much to bear. I've never felt like this before, I don't know what to do. Not even when my mum died because when that happened I knew it was coming, she prepared me, she taught me how to face that pain. No one has taught me how to face this one. I'm lost. "I've been looking for you."