Little Shy Ariel (ft. Harry Styles)

Chapter 7 - Failure

Chapter 7 - Failure

I am a failure. Honestly, I tried but it didn’t work out as I wanted.

Okay, so here’s what happened this morning.

After breakfast I went to the crops as usual to greet my father and pick up the vegetables to take them to the retreat centre. I was determined to talk to Timmy, I had come to that goal last night and when I saw him I panicked. I’ve known him for a long time and still, knowing I had to talk to him made me feel like all what I had for breakfast was ready to leave me. My heart was beating in my throat and my hands were sweating. As I kept walking —don’t ask me how— I was looking at every possible way to escape. I was dying inside and I wasn’t even ten metres from him yet.

I finally stopped near him, at the other side of the truck and smiled at him. He smiled back, as usual and I closed my eyes, knowing I had to say something else. I had decided to do that, I had to try so I ignored my racing heart, my shaking limbs and took a deep breath. I kept repeating to myself that I could do it, that saying hi wasn’t that hard. It was Timmy! I’ve known him for almost a year. How hard could that be?

Well, let me tell you, it was pretty hard.

I stuttered, I almost choked on my own spit and I parted my lips like a fish out of water. Still, no sound came out. Timmy was staring at me, I knew, wondering if I was dying or something. It felt like I was dying.

“H-h-hello,” I managed to say after three days. Okay, not three days but at least a few minutes. It was just a hello and it took me so long. How pathetic?

Timmy didn’t reply immediately. Maybe he didn’t understand me, I’m still not sure about that. He blinked a couple of times before he parted his lips and said, “Hello, Ariel.”

And that was all. I tried to open my mouth again and ask him how he was but it didn’t work. He had things to do, he couldn’t wait three years for me to utter a sentence, so he left and I stayed there, feeling sorry for myself.

I’m more pathetic than I thought.

And now I’m here, at the dock looking at the water, reliving that scene from the morning and shaking my head at myself. I barely said hello. I know it’s an improvement, but I still feel like a failure. Speaking, making human contact is the most natural thing. It’s what makes us different from other species on this planet and here I am, proving I fail at the most basic human activity. Great, just great.

Maybe I am an Alien.

When I went to school and they realised I couldn’t talk to my classmates, they made me see the counsellor. I sat there for an hour and didn’t say anything. No matter how many things she asked me, it was useless. And it happened many times. So therapy wasn’t the answer for my problem.

I overheard once that I have a social anxiety disorder, and there should be an explanation for this, but no one can imagine why. Being home-schooled has nothing to do with that, all my sisters had the same system and they are fine. So it has to be something else.

I groan and shake my head, trying to stop thinking of this and just breathing. I focus my sight on my shoes, the old and worn out black All Star.

“Hey there,” I hear someone and jump, completely scared and surprised. No one is supposed to come at this time, the first trip takes place in an hour. I checked before coming here.

I turn around with my eyes wide open and my heart in my throat again just to find Harry behind me, smiling widely with his hands on his back. He’s only wearing some denim shorts, trainers and a plaid red shirt. A black fedora is hiding big part of his hair.