sidemen; oneshots

Insecurities (KSImon)

•Pairing: KSI and Miniminter (JJ & Simon)
•Prompt: JJ getting together with his girlfriend has completely torn Simon apart, but JJ redeems himself.
•Warnings: Smut, slight triggers and angst
•3rd person POV
XIX
Simon looks at himself in the mirror, scrunching his face up in disgust at the figure standing in front of him.

He has his shirt off and only basketball shorts on, his hipbones sticking out slightly and everything about him skinny.

A tear runs down his cheek as he hears JJ and his new girlfriend laughing downstairs, he should be with him, not her.

He hates it. He hates the way JJ looks at her, just like he used to look at him. He hates the moans he can hear from JJ's room, his heart breaking a little more with every little thing.

Obviously he wasn't good enough, he's ugly, no one would ever love him or find him beautiful, he's worthless.

The scars littered up and down his wrist make him want to scream, they're ugly, he's ugly.

JJ used to call him beautiful, say he was perfect, but those were lies. It was all a big fucking lie.

JJ said that he didn't want to ruin their relationship by dating, but Simon knows that was a lie too.

Who would want to date him? He's hideous, JJ wouldn't even touch him in front of the other guys.

JJ was ashamed to be with him, but he can't blame him, he's a disgusting human.

Soon he just can't take the image of himself anymore, lunging forwards and punching the mirror, a spider web crack appearing on it.

"Fuck." He hisses when he looks at his knuckles, cuts from the broken glass starting to bleed and sting.

The mirror is no longer useable, just a blurry and broken up version of Simon now stares back at him.

He tugs on the hoodie that was laying on the floor, holding his hand tightly to try and stop the bleeding.

Slowly he backs away and walks out of his room, stomping down the stairs to announce his presence, not wanting to walk in on something he'd regret.

"Hey Simon- what happened?" JJ's voice is laced with concern as he sees Simon holding his own hand with blood covered fingers.

Simon just ignores him, walking past both of them and heading for their medicine cabinet in the kitchen.

"I'll be right back." JJ says to his girlfriend, getting up and following Simon, seeing him scavenging around for something to wrap his hand.

"Need help?" JJ asks sheepishly, his hands clasped behind his back as he looks anywhere but Simon's eyes.

"No." Simon dismisses JJ, grabbing the gauze and wrapping it around his hand sufficiently before moving to walk back upstairs.

Before he can leave the kitchen JJ blocks him, crossing his arms in front of him and looking him directly in the eye.

"What's wrong?" JJ asks and puts his hands on Simon's shoulder, just to have him harshly pull away from the touch.

"Simon." JJ insists and the taller boy just looks down ashamed, instinctively wrapping his arms around himself.

"Have you been crying?" His hand goes up to touch Simon's tear stained cheeks, just to have it pushed away.

"Have you even been eating?" JJ asks in a concerned tone, noticing his hoodie looks bigger on him than usual.

"Why would it matter to you." Simon sneers and shoves past him, rushing past JJ's girlfriend and up the stairs.