With Our Own Eyes

Day 47

Sept. 11th, 2013

Dear reader,

I am in grief. But I know I must stay strong. But she....she was only two years old....

Nick sat beside me in the field alone. He could walk on his own again. Which was a good thing. I didn't feel like talking. My knees were against my chest and my head was down in pain.

"All I can really say is it wasn't your fault." Nick says softly.

"And all I can say is I know, but it still feels like it, Nick, I sigh, "She was only two. We could have united her with her parents, but no, it was...too late." At this I stop.

Nick sits closer with his arm around me. He was warm. Comforting even.

We are both silent. Nick had to be my second closest friend aside from Carmen. In fact he's got to be my only closest guy friend. If you ignore that fact that he loves me.

"I don't want to think about her anymore. Actually I don't want to think about anything. Can you stay here, Nick, but stay quiet. I am really tired, I need quiet." I murmur.

"Yes, Juliana." He mutters back softly.

***

Flashback:

Carmen is swimming beside me in an indoor pool. I dive under and thrash about, feeling free.

Suddenly my hands slams into her nose and I'm feeling utterly ashamed. I hug her and apologize but I know words can't mend pain.

So I wait, bouncing around on my toes until she seems to be acting normal again.

***

It felt more like a dream then a flashback. But when I opened my eyes I was still in the field next to Nick. The grass swayed around. There was not a sound except for the wind. No zombies. It was paradise.

"I like how this is." I smile.

"Hm? Oh. Me too. I was expecting some corpse to crawl out of nowhere." Nick replies with the same gladness.

Then, another pause before I get up and stretch.

"You want to leave?" Nick asks.

"No. But we have to. We cannot stay here and waste time." I say.

"I didn't think it was a waste of time. It was peaceful. It was nice." Nick smiles.

I smile back, but I know I'm not feeling the way he is. I replace my smile with a grim look. "Nick." I sigh.

"Don't tell me what I already know, Juliana." Nick says, his shoulders sunken.

"I'm sorry. I just don't...." I can't come to find the right words.

"No. I understand. You have more important priorities. But you can't destroy something that's already grown. I won't bother you anymore." And with that he steps toward me, steps back, and leaves.

***

I'm sitting next to Carmen in the barn attic talking about Riley and how good she's gotten at cooking when there's a small tap on the door. Lifting it up, Kieth is below.

"Zombies." Is all he says before we jump out, guns raised.

A mutant. As far as I know, they are the most dangerous and the most hungry. They would do anything to eat brains. And considering most zombies haven't eaten in weeks, this would be a horrible disaster waiting to happen.

The zombie was 12 feet tall, five or six heads, stomach open with rotten intestines hanging out. It roared and bones and blood spilled out.

I aim and fire at one head. It explodes on impact. The mutant runs my way. In three seconds I dash into the barn just as the mutant lands right where I had stood.

This thing was fast.

"What the Hell?!" Nick swears, pulling out a gun and shooting another head down.

"Be careful!" My mom yells as she aims and fires a shot gun.

The mutant is wildly chasing after different people at different times. I don't know where Carmen went and its got me worried.

I shoot until my ammo is gone. The mutant is nearly at an end. Its a miracle nobody's hurt just yet.

I grab onto the largest rock and throw it, flinging straight through its stomach, creating a huge hole, breaking its spine. I have no idea how I did that but it worked.

The beast was shot twice before it officially gave up and died-again.

"Carmen? Carmen!" I call out. She's gone.

"Carmen!!! I found her!!" Kieth is shouting.

Nick is staring into the distance, pain in his eyes.

Before I knew it I was chasing after Kieth until I was kneeling beside him looking at a crooked knife with a black handle. A strip of blue cloth was hanging on the tip of the knife. Bandits.

"Where is she?" Mr. W comes over looking at the knife with anger.

"Taken." Nate says. He was standing behind me.

"Bandits, Nick says while pointing a finger toward the black dot of a car driving at high speed on the road, too far to chase after, "Are not what took Carmen. I recognized the driver."

My heart beats in my chest. No. This could not be happening. This could not be possible. Never.

"Who's taken her!?" Kieth screams, tears coming down.

I narrow my eyes. "Raptor. Rap has taken her."

***

"We need to act fast or we will never find them." Nick says, unrolling a map of Washington that was already marked with little dots marking the bars. He points at a street marked Sunset St. and said, "This was where the treehouse was. This is a possible place they're going."

I'm shaking. I am utterly confused on why Rap would take Carmen out of pure hatred. Would she kill her? Would she torture her? Would she....

"Are you alright?" Riley asks.

"Yes. I'm fine." I say.

"You're crying." She says, taking a step forward.

I touch my cheeks, whom as she said, were tear-stained. Traitors, I thought to the water coming down from my eyes.

"You guys study this map. I will be right back." Nick says, taking my hand, which I nearly jerk back, and leads me into Kieth's bedroom. He sits me on the bed and sits next to me.

I couldn't stop shaking. Why was Rap doing this? Revenge? For what; taking Nick with us? That sounded stupid and idiotic. It was a nightmare to wonder what would become of her.

And how did we not see Rap coming? It was because of the mutant. No wonder. But, I still don't understand. What was going to happen to her? I'm so frightened. These were the thoughts running in my head.

"She's gone, Nick. I can't live without knowing she's okay. I can't live without knowing that everyone's okay!" I say.

My mother should be the one talking to me, but we weren't exactly the 'get along' type. Big Nate wouldn't help either. My siblings wouldn't want to listen. Kieth had better things to do. Mr. W had to be worrying about Carmen, his daughter, not how I felt. Nick had to be the only one to do it. I should've seen the wary eyes passed around the table until they all met with Nick until he realized himself that he was the only one that could calm me down. And he took the bait willingly, even though he'd promised to leave me alone.

"Don't worry. I can find her. Rap isn't the best with disguise. She won't be hard to track, considering I was her best tracker." Nick assures me, making me relax slightly.

I hug my legs tightly and rock back and forth, tears dripping down. I was in shock.

Nick wraps a blanket around myself and then puts his arms around me. He was warm and that was comforting. Slowly, I relaxed.

"Don't be scared. Don't worry. I promise I will find her. And I will save her." Nick says.

But I'm barely listening. My rocking has soothed me into a deep sleep and all that I hear is a peaceful hum before I'm out cold.

~Juliana