Chapter One:
Eloise is the name, don’t wear it out. Haha. I’ll start by introducing myself, I live in New York, the city to be precise and I am 18 years old. I really don’t like it here, especially now because my “best-friend” Emily has completely turned on me for no reason whatsoever, but that’s besides the point as of now.
My appearance is fairly average I’d say. I’ve been told I was gorgeous before, but I personally don’t see it, I just think I’m a little above average, nothing special. I’ve also been told I was ugly, but I mean everyone has right? I have long, wavy brown hair which goes right past my shoulder blades. I have olive colored skin, and green eyes which are surrounded by my long eyelashes. I think that people think I’m pretty because my eyes stand out, which is probably my best feature.
Personality wise, I’m shy around people I don’t know, but when I’m with my friends...well I’m a completely different person. I’m so self conscious about myself, and I feel like I’m being judged all the time, which I am but I just can’t get that feeling out of myself. My friends always tell me I’m funny, nice and caring, but I’ve been trying to change that recently and I do think I succeeded. I am so awkward when it comes to boys that it’s really quite embarrassing to talk about. I’ve only been in one relationship, which was last year and also the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. And let me just mention that he was the secret crush of my best friend Emily. His name was Justin. He was buff with tan skin, slightly lighter than mine. He had really dark brown hair and these captivating brown eyes. We went out for one and half months, and in that time I was brainwashed, pulled into some trance where I thought that I was in love and had found my soulmate. But, damn was I wrong.
Everything went smoothly the first three weeks or so, almost perfectly. We did everything together, we were happy, and we thought we were in love, or at least I did. Then, everything turned for the worse. My older brother had left for college, leaving me alone in the house with my parents, and when he left, they got divorced. Justin started to never come around, he never talked to me when he was with his friends anymore and he’d only contact me through texts. Well that was until he invited me to his house one day, and with not a clue as to what was going to happen, I went. I walked inside, the house was completely dark, all the blinds were closed and the only thing I could hear was muffled voices upstairs. I walked into his room, and there they were. Justin and his friends were all gathered around his bed, with this crazed look on their faces. He walked up to me, grabbed me by the hands and threw me down on the bed. There he and his friends raped me. I’m not going into detail because frankly, it’s absolutely revolting and it would be graphic, and it also pains me to talk about it.
I was horrified.
He broke up with me right after they were done, and he sent me on my way home.
Alone, feeling so dirty and so violated. I got home, and there was a note on the door:
Dear Eloise,
Your mother has decided she will be the one to leave, and you are going to live with me, without sharing the custody. She doesn’t want to say goodbye because it will be too painful. We’ve moved the things into her new apartment and I’m staying at a hotel in Albany for a while until we can get the papers signed. Sorry I hadn’t told you before, you just were always in your room or out. You can stay home or with Justin’s family for the time being, and I’ll be back home as soon as I can.
Love,
Daddy
I had always been a daddy’s girl, ever since I was little. We did everything together and I know that it’s horrible to say, but he is my favorite parent, no doubt about it. My dad and I are really close, we bond so well and I am so much like him! I knew that he honestly felt bad about having to leave, and that he would make it up to me. Noticing how he had said to stay with Justin just completely made my mood even worse, what was I supposed to tell him happened with us? I can’t tell him what happened yet, maybe even at all...should I tell anyone at all?
Before I decided to tell anyone, I went up to my room and showered, for what seemed like forever. I felt so disgusting, like I was worthless. I felt so many things, I felt guilty and shameful, I felt degraded and used, but mostly I felt numb. Not because of the physical aftermath, but emotionally I felt numb. Drained, shocked it’s like I’m in a haze, a trance. I needed to relax, try to forget about it for a little while. I knew exactly who to turn to, my superman.
I opened up my laptop and double-clicked my “Superman” folder and sighed. Louis William Tomlinson is my superman. I don’t know him, he doesn’t have a clue who I am. but for some strange reason, he makes me feel happy whenever I am sad. I call him that because of the video diary and it’s partly quoted from One Direction’s song “Save You Tonight”; “I can't be no superman, But for you I'll be super human”, I don’t know it’s kinda just my little nickname for him. I can look at a picture of his gorgeous smile, and I will automatically smile and giggle. If I watch a video of him being funny, I’ll laugh no matter how sad I was before I started watching. A lot of my friends think I am joking when I tell them that I love him, but it’s true. If I ever met him, I would be so grateful and I would be sure to tell him how happy he makes me.
