Fall Back On Me {Haylor}

Trials-Chapter 33

Chapter 33

After a week, the sickness had subsided except the cough and the respiratory junk that's in me. Whatever that may be, at least. I'm still going to the doctor today because it's more of my stomach/back area that's aching today. It feels almost constricted, so much so that I double overed in pain early this morning. Harry had insisted on taking me to the ER but I refused, sat it out thanks to Harrys' soothing voice swaying my hair against my head, and waited until it ended. And it did, the serious pain though, not the consistent pain, that still remains strong. It feels almost like a cramp that aches and makes you almost nauseous. I wasn't gonna go to the ER when my appointment was still today, that wouldn't make much sense unless I truly needed to.

Harry was currently walking me in, hand wrapping mine up pretty securely. His is decently clammy, definitely more nervous than I am. I mean, of course I'm nervous but everything will turn out alright. That's what always happens, you go in, you sit down, they take some tests, let you go with a antibiotic and you're done and it clears up in a few days. I've done it before even though the symptoms weren't as bad.

We are a few minutes late so as soon as we tell the receptionist my name, she sends us up to a checkup room with a large machine overseeing a table. I shudder. That doesn't look fun.

I glance over and prop myself up on top of the cushion bench across from Harrys' waiting chair. I absent-mindedly begin to sway my legs forward, the sound of wood tapping filling the thoughtful silence. We're both pretty deep in thought, Harrys' doing that thing when he's thinking where he just barely sticks his tongue out. Its pretty adorable but I don't have as much time to admire as i'd like when the door hinges open. Doctor Robinson walks in, smiling as he does, shutting the door behind him.

"Taylor! How are you?" He booms friendily. He was my doctor head back when I worked at the hospital. I had quit and just worked at a little restaurant downtown lately. It was mainly a lounge, one that I would listen to the singers as I work, on my off hours I'd just sit there and write songs. It had became a routine and I had gotten to know all the regulars there, though I do miss the other nurses and everyone.

"I'm-I'm okay, Todd, how are you?" I check myself wording wise.

"I'm doing just fine, so I've got your symptoms right here. It says that today it's kind of right under your ribs?" He asks, gently putting his hand to raise my shirt enough to press his cold fingers to the cramping spot. I immediately wince and see Harrys' face tighten.

"Y-yeah, uh. A lot." I say as I inhale tightly. The action only worsens the pain, causing my chest to constrict.

"Okay, well, we're going to do a ultrasound and probably a CT scan, if all goes well, we'll get you out of her real soon," He says with a gentle smile. I nod and look to Harry for sympathy which he graciously gives, walking over and taking my hand in his. Dr Robinson says a quick greeting to Harry who he apologized, saying he didn't see him. He applies a blue goo to the stomach and rubs a machine over it thoroughly. This feels like a scene that we'll be going through one day, having a baby hopefully. Harry at my side and our hands clutched together as we go through a Ultrasound. I look forward to live that moment.

He removes it and grimaces, "Let me go print these off, hold on."

I squeeze my eyes shut. That wasn't good, Dr Robinson is not one to simply give into looking disappointed. He tries to look hopeful in front of his patients no matter what. Selena had asked if I had gotten a mammogram before to which I responded no, I was pretty young and from what I heard, you have to be 40 for that. She had cleared it up saying that I probably should get one, especially with my condition. Harry had joke around, saying he wanted to be in the room for that, of course. He always attempts to brighten a mood that is so far in the dark, nothing could lighten it, yet he does. He can with his smile or his stupidly cheesy jokes that just make me love him more.

"Hey, look at me. You're fine, okay?" He echoes into my own thoughts and I let my eyes wander to his. All I can do is nod.

The door opens revealing Dr Robinson holding two black and white papers, "We need to do the CT."
•
Three black spots.
Two of those on my liver.
One on my pancrius.

What those little spots are are a mystery to be found according to the doctor. From my knowledge, spots mean cancer and that, that just can't happen. I don't think I'd be able to fight it if it was, I mean I would for Harrys' sake, for the girls' sake, for our futures' sake. I just wouldn't fight for my own sake, that sake just isn't worth fighting for anymore, I have up that fight years ago. They say that they don't know what they are but I think they're lying, I think they know what it is and are just too scared to tell me. They're trying to hide it, cover it up like they do to all the patients that have something really bad, I know this because that's something we're taught. We're taught to cover mess upon mess with lies on top. All to ease the pain that never truly resonates until you're blantantly told, and that's all I want right now. Closure. Someone to flat out tell me what I have so I can get my mind around it and fight it. Whatever it may be, it better bring a pretty good fight because I have a bigger purpose willing me on than it does.