Fall Back On Me {Haylor}

Maybe Someday-Chapter 22

Chapter 22

My feet dangle slightly from the tree, kicking one foot forward to the next every so often. A cycle I've been repeating for the last ten minutes as I try to will myself into writing. Usually, the process comes naturally to me, the ink just flows onto the page in the form of my feelings but right now, everything is just stuck in my head and it's driving me crazy. All of my thoughts, weaknesses, feelings, longings, everything, is just bottled up inside me and all I can do is tap my pen fervently against the notepad.

I talked to Harry again last night, still a little bit shaken from the events with Ed that evening 4 days ago. He was concerned but had just expressed every longing emotion I had and only worsened the feelings by 200. Not to mention the snide remarks that only teased the both of us to make us feel the tension building from entirely different countries. It absolutely didn't help that Harry was shirtless and flaunting off the newest tattoo of his collection. A simple outline of a heart with a cursive 'T' traced in the middle. It shocked me once again that he'd mark himself for me, even after the trials and heartbreaks that seem to haunt me. It's still a mystery why he'd stick by me even though he has a choice of any girl in the entire world. Whatever he's thinking, I'm glad he is.

There must be too much to write about, not too little. That, or I just can't concentrate. Either way, my venting method just went out the metaphorical window. I press my fingers to the branch, smoothing them over the carvings and up until it falls out of reach. My gaze follows the path until it rests on a small bluebird that sits perched on the branch a few feet above me. It sits still, turning its head slightly as it stares curiously back at me. I smile at it as it does before it flies off. At least there's something to distract me for the time being but I'm not leaving until I can get something down onto this page. I decide to push something out of these bizarre emotions that overwhelm me right now.

Dear Harry,

Wow, the things that have happened in past few months have been crazy. I could go on about everything that happened and everything we did but that'd be too much to name. I've written to you a few times since you came back, explaining how I fell in love and stuff but since then, I've learned I'm in so much more than love with you. It's deep and emotional, something more than physical lust, even though we have that too, this is just straight passion. It's something tough yet so smooth and it comes almost effortlessly to us.

You left for LA four days ago so you'll get back tomorrow. I don't know how I'm suppose to live like this, maybe someday I'll travel with you because going without you on weeks is something I don't think I can do. The years apart made me numb to distance and as much as I know that I will have to wait for you, I also know that I will wait. No matter how long that takes, i'll always stay because of the threat of losing you again is too much to handle.

I also lost Ed this week. He took it better than I expected but still couldn't stay friends. I understand what he's talking about but it hurts to see him go. He was there for me for all those years and acted as one of my very bestfriends. He understood us, though, said that he knew you'd come back for me one day. I would like to say that I believed that too, but it was more of a wish that got granted. Anyway, I'll write you again soon, Harry.

Always,

Taylor

I finish tying up the paper before lowering all my materials back into the hole. Writing these letters are suppose to help vent but something always just itches me that Harry will never see these. Although they reveal every single thought I've ever imagined of him, they also reveal every single fiber of how long I've loved him. How much I love him. I know a lot of my highschool notes could potentially embarrass me to death of my daydreams I've had but I really do want him to read these someday. Maybe..

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Chapter 1 of 3 today, working on 2 now.