The Notebook of Crap

Diary of A Girl With a Messed Up Life chapter 2

Entry2: Parents

Uugggghhh! I cannot believe my mother! First, my dad left and went to Africa. He never left before, and when he did my mother totally freaked. My parents got divorced when I was four. It was a really ugly one. My mom would always call him and yell at him, then he would hang up, she'll call back and they'll fight some more. But I had no clue what they're saying because it's in a different language than English. The day he left my mom started drinking a beer a day. He left March 29. That's a lot of beer. But the happiness and the drinking aren't what pissed me off. (Maybe what freaked me out.) But it was that he was the one that she took her anger out on. Now that he's in Africa and we are here in Canada, she took her anger out on everyone else! I'll admit that I don't see everything but that doesn't mean that she should yell at me! Or my sisters, or anyone at all! My dad always dealt with it. It's been years since he went back home, and now that he has, she yells at everyone just to get the pain to go away for like an hour. She yelled at my sister Wendy for using her visa. Wendy's 26.

Wendy was like an older version of me. Everyone gets us confused. I hate it. She was so scared of our mom that she didn't call for 3 days. But when my mom yelled at Nicole, everyone was terrified. Nicole was one of the funniest people I know. She's Jamaican. You know how funny they can be. She always wore a hat. Now that I think about it, I don't think I ever saw her hair before. She had angap in between her two front teeth and she also had two kids. Matthew t(he guy I mentioned from my first entry) and his little sister, Chelsea. Matthew's my age which is13 and Chelsea is 8. After my mom yelled at Nicole, Nicole came straight to our house when she could.

Living with my mother is getting worse every year. Maybe it was because I was getting older. But it was. I even thought about moving and staying with my dad for two years. But when I would be like 16. So that he won't be missing out on anything. Today though, I nearly choked on my water when my mother said, "I think you should stay with your dad for a week when he comes back."

"But why? What about school?" I asked her in disbelief.

She had her back to me. "He can take you. I mean, he has a car." My mother knew how to drive me nuts.

"But that's an hour away! And plus I'd have to wake up at 5 in the morning every morning."

"So? I thought you said that you loved him more than me."

She finally turned and faced me from the kitchen. I walked to the dining table and sat down. My eyes were already getting blurry. "I never said that. I love you both the same. I always have and I always will." I said my voice cracking, tears running down my cheeks. Whenever my parents talked about each other in front of me, I would be the only one of their kids who would to cry. I wasn't a cry baby. (That's my sister, Loretta she cries about everything it was so annoying!) Maybe I cried because I didn't get to spend so much time with my parents as a family.

But whatever it was it made me hate when they bad mouthed each other or argued because I would always cry. "Nice going mom. You made Debbie cry. Again." said Loretta who just came down the stairs. She came to where I was sitting and rubbed my back in a comforting way until I stopped crying.

"Oh. Honey I didn't mean to."

"Sure you didn't." I said and ran up the stairs to my room. I was so mad at her. Falling asleep with the radio on was what I planned on doing. But instead I fell asleep listening to these three songs over and over again: 'What is love?' By Never Shout Never, 'Welcome to my life' by Simple Plan, and On the bright side also by Never Shout Never. They made the second round of tears leave really quick. And also put me to sleep. Parents can be the people that you look up to, the people who love you, or the people who make your life a living hell. I found a poem that kinda describes what I felt. Here it is.

Flowered heart

When you left me

I was too young to see

I was too young to tell

How much pain you would make my heart dwell

I cried almost every night

Because I know my daddy won't be here tonight

He left me some years ago

Nothing can ever make me feel this low

I barely saw them together because at the divorce I was only four

But I have to say daddy, it was all because of you

You told her you didn't love her

How could you do that to my mother?

The woman that loved you more than you will ever know

A woman that still waits your return at the window

I am 13 now, it's a shame you aren't here to help me fill my life support bag

You missed out on Band competitions

That we even won first place in

You miss out on my first overnight camp

There I made so many new friends

My softball games are the funniest by far

I hit that ball so hard one time I could have swore it hit a star

But daddy, enough with that,

I have no question that is hanging on my back

Where'd you go daddy?

The peelings on my heart are making a pretty big stack

This is kind of how I feel about my dad but I still see him but we don't talk about the divorce.

Sometimes, I wish I could pick my parents and pick if they will stay together or not. But I can't. No one can, which totally sucks. But hey! I'm getting through it one messed up year after the other.

From,

A girl with a messed up life

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