Big Time Love

Chapter 23 - Determination

A week later, I was still a wreck.

Sappy love songs, romantic movies, and couples who happened by my house constantly all reminded me of what I’d lost.

The night before, it’d finally sunken in. I was no longer the future Mrs. Kendall Knight, and that was why my engagement ring now lay inside a tiny box on my desk. What was the use of wearing it if it didn’t mean anything anymore? It was only a broken promise, shattered by no one but myself.

Most days I spent in my room, only coming out to eat. My parents had learned by now that all I truly needed was space. In a way, I appreciated it. In another, I longed for someone to hold me, and tell me it was all going to be alright, even if it was just a lie.

Carlos had called a couple days earlier, letting me in on all the big time news. As much as I wanted to be happy for him, I just couldn’t. He mentioned Kendall by accident at one point, saying he was crazy messed up and staying out all night. It wasn’t reassuring. Who knew what he was doing, or who.

 It was Monday night, and I was driving myself insane, watching some love fest on Lifetime.

And at that, it wasn’t my biggest concern.

Four days, and the boys would be on tour. Four days.

Four days from now, thousands of girls would be there to take Kendall’s mind off of everything, if he was even concerned. I was jealous. I had a good thing, and I threw it all away. Now, it was time for these girls to take a swing at the ball, whether I liked it or not.

I had to do something.

At that point, I’d been all cuddled up underneath the covers, and so, unwillingly, I got up and booted up my computer. I sat down at the desk and logged into my email. Luckily, Carlos was online. I sent him an IM, and waited for his reply. “Hey. What’s up? You OK?” he typed in response. “I’m fine, I just need you to book me a flight to L.A. And quick.” I replied. He took a while to write back, but when he did, my heart soared. “…okay. Let me check. Hold on.” I leaned back and sat patiently. About five minutes later, Carlos finally got back to me. “The next flight that I could get to L.A. is in two days. Is that gonna be alright for you?” I took a deep breath. “Yep, that’ll do.” “I’ll book the flight and send you all the info. I’ll talk to you soon, Sammy. Don’t do anything stupid.” Before he could log off, I sent: “Don’t tell anyone Carlos.” He agreed and I shut down my computer. In the morning, I’d check my email for the flight information, and I’d tell my parents. It was that simple. It had to be.

I turned everything off and got up and faced the window. The snow had subsided a bit, only about two inches. I slowly opened the window all the way and shivered as the cold air hit me. It felt nice anyway, and I took in a deep breath. In a couple of days, I’d be back in sunny California, and to be honest, I was nervous. I’d have to see Kendall, and I’d have to fix everything…somehow. One way or another, it’d be alright. But what if he only wanted to be friends? I couldn’t handle that. Especially with knowing what we could’ve had.

Don’t think too much. You’ll worry yourself to death.

I took another gulp of the fresh air that was pouring through the window and snuggled underneath the covers. I grabbed my phone from where it lay charging on the floor next to my bed and set my alarm for ten.

At ten tomorrow morning, everything would fall into place.