Big Time Love

Chapter 16 - Dazed and Confused

I sat there, mouth agape at what Logan had just said. Did he realize the intensity of what had just come out of his mouth? A part of me knew he did. He looked at my face, which I figured looked completely shocked, and he coughed awkwardly and looked back down at the ground.

 “I know…I know it’s really random. It’s just I’ve liked you since you got here. I never made a move because I knew Kendall had a thing for you…and…and I don’t know why I just told you I loved you…but it’s true, I do. Oh God, I’m sorry Sam.” He put his face in his hands and stayed there for a moment. I figured it was my chance to speak. “Logan, it’s okay. I can’t…I’m not mad. I get what you’re saying. I just can’t…” I stood up and dusted the sand off my shorts. He looked up at me then, begging me with sad eyes not to say what he knew was coming.

 “I just can’t love you back. I’m sorry Logan…”

 He stood up then. He gave me a sad smile and said, “I never expected you to.” He walked away and shoved his hands into his pockets, leaving me behind like a puppy abandoned in the rain. 

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Why I suddenly felt so guilty was beyond me. I mean, it wasn't as if I had done anything wrong...it was obvious enough that it was more than a little late for Logan to be making any moves on me. For goodness sake, I was ENGAGED. To. Kendall. If he had spoken to me, said anything at the beginning of the summer, it could've been different. Just maybe we wouldn't be here like this now. 

As I sat on that newly vacated beach towel and stared out into the ocean, I knew this was somehow my fault. How? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that it was easier to blame myself. 

I hugged my knees to my chest and bit my lip as my eyes started to blur with tears. This summer had been more than just some romantic love story gone awry...it was more like I was in some jacked up episode of Degrassi. 

The tears finally cascaded down my cheeks, past my nose, and fell off my chin. "Sam! What's wrong!? What happened!" Kendall was suddenly in front of me, wiping my face with his fingers. "Are you okay?" His voice was frantic, but even so, I couldn't find my own. I nodded, hoping that that would be some consolidation. His eyebrows crinkled together. He didn't buy it, but then again, why would he? 

"I'm...fine. I just...I really want to go home." I managed to say. Kendall nodded quickly and stood up. He held out his hand and helped to my feet. I was all too aware of the way James and Katie were looking at me, like they were disappointed. Had they overheard what had been said? 

A part of me wouldn't doubt it. I avoided their gaze and walked forward with Kendall's arm around my shoulders. As we reached the car, I opened the trunk and grabbed my shirt. I slipped it on and slid into the passenger's seat as Kendall tossed all our things in the back. He got in as well, slamming the car door harder than usual as he started the engine. He backed out of our spot and headed toward the main road. 

We were silent for quite some time. I kept my eyes focused on the palm trees and hotels, and the passing bystanders, anything to keep me from crying again. 

Thinking back, how many times had I cried this summer? It seemed like too many to count. I mentally shook myself, trying to get rid of the thoughts welling inside my brain. 

"What did he say to you, Sam?" Kendall said suddenly. 

I looked over at him, at the way his jaw was clenched, the way his knuckles were turning white from grasping the steering wheel too tight. He was furious. 

"He told me he loved me..." I said quietly. 

It was like something in him had finally snapped, because at that instant, Kendall pulled over and turned off the car. He faced me, murder in his eyes and said, "WHAT!? He told you he loved you!? Who in the hell does he think he is! He knows were engaged and he thinks that it's okay to just something like that!?" His yelling made me tear up again. I knew he wasn't mad at me, I knew that his anger was directed towards Logan, but at that instant I felt like maybe I did deserve some of it. 

As his ranting came to a halt, Kendall seemed to notice me. He reached over and grabbed my hand, taking a deep breath as he squeezed it. "I'm sorry...I just...I can't take much more of this." My eyes widenened. I sent a silent prayer, a prayer begging God to keep Kendall from breaking up with me. Kendall met my gaze and shook his head. "I'm gonna talk to Logan. I have to. It's the only way this whole thing is ever gonna be made whole again." I nodded, relieved. I never knew what to expect. My whole life had been a flurry of different relationships, each ending in the same way. I'd never been good enough for them, and a little part of me was always afraid that it'd be that way with Kendall. He reached over towards me then, and I knew that everything was going to be okay. 

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 As we stepped into 2J, the air seemed to be filled with suspense. Momma Knight was cooking again, frantically, and as she heard the door close, she turned around and let out a huge sigh of relief. 

"Oh thank God!" she breathed quickly, "Where's everyone else?" 

Kendall was not only confused, but in a daze as well. He shook his head and looked at Momma Knight. "Mom...what's wrong?" She looked at him and went back to cooking, her eyes welling with tears. "Logan called me about a half an hour ago. He said he was staying at a hotel, that he wasn't coming home tonight. Do you know why?" she asked quietly. Kendall and I looked at each other. 

"Momma Knight..." I began, "Logan told me he had feelings for me today, and when I told him that it couldn't work, he got upset and left the beach." She nodded slowly. "Oh...well, Kendall...you'll just have to go find him." Kendall looked like he was about to disagree, but I waved my hand at him and shook my head. Momma Knight didn't any more stress tonight. "Ok." Kendall said quickly. He began to walk away and I followed behind him quickly. As we reached the hall, we both stopped and faced each other. "Go to Rocque Records and have Kelly track Logan's cell. That should get you to him." I mentally slapped myself as I said that. Why hadn't I thought of this when Kendall had been the one missing!? 

Kendall nodded. "Okay. I'll be back soon." He kissed my cheek and I smiled. "Don't do anything stupid." He grinned. "No promises." 

As Kendall grabbed his keys and headed out the door, my stomach was in knots. 

I glanced at the clock. It was one in the morning. 

Longest day of my life.