The Push Away

You're Lucky.

I stayed up for the majority of last night thinking about what came to mind when Jacob left my room. I was and still am genuinely horrified of my own mind. How could I think that? There is no bloody way I, Drew Gonzalez is in love with Jacob Evans-Harper. There is just no way! Plus, all that would happen is him playing me. Thats just who he is.
I sigh and finish doing my hair ready to ride my new board to school but when I opened my door I saw Jacob with his hand up, just about to knock. I dont know why, but just seeing him made my stomach twist and turn.
He smiled at me and just stood there. So did I. I dont know why I couldn't just say a normal word like Hi...but I was froze in my spot. He starts to get uncomfortable and clears his throat.
"You need a ride?" He asks after it got too awkward.
"Uh...no...I was going to board to school today." I say quietly never looking up.
"You sure?" He asks.
I nod and walk past him.
I sigh in relief and head out the door.
I just honestly hope I can get this out my mind so I wont be so awkward anymore.
I finally make it to the school and just on time. I head to my locker and find Symone there smiling widely at me.
I look at her confused and stand in front of her.
"What?" I ask.
"James and I are dating." she says. Honestly Im happy for her. I just hope James doesnt hurt her the way Sam hurt me.
I smile at my bestfriend knowing how happy she must be and give her a hug. She hugs back even though I can sense the surprise in the way she tensed up for a second.
"This is awesome! Just be sure to let James name the kids we know how selfish you can be in that department." I say jokingly. Symone rolls her eyes at me and pushes me slightly. I giggle and open my locker.
"So, Sam told me about what happened Drew, Im really sorry about that." She says and I sigh. I close my locker and turn to her.
"What did he tell you?" I ask. She looks down and then back at me.
"You mind if we miss a little of first hour? This could take a while." she says. I furrow my eyebrows at her but nod anyway. Is there something I didnt know about my own break up?
We head to the girls bathroom in the freshmen hall, there is never anyone in there. She sits on a sink and I lean on the wall.
"Sam told me he was being a jerk to you because he knows that you like Jacob." She says. I open my eyes wide in fear.
"W..why would he say that?" I ask biwildered.
"He says you look at Jacob the exact same way He looks at you." she explains.
"But...I still really like Sam...I dont know what he means, I would have never cheated on him!" I defend myself.
"See thats the thing Drew, you like him, he loves you." She says and I dont even know what to think. Yeah, Sam was a douche but he had a good reason I guess. Hes in love with me when he sees that Im in love with Jacob, before I could even see it.
"Drew, are you in love with Jacob?" She asks me, genuinely concerned. I dont know why, but I cry. Why have I been so emotional lately?
"I really dont know." I say in tears. Symone gets up and wraps her arm around me.
"Well, whatever it is, Im sure we will figure it out. But, before you figure things out with Sam, you have to figure things out with Jacob." she says. I groan and put my face in my hands.
Symome sighs and pulls me off the wall.
"Come on, lets go to class." She coos.
I follow after her and enter the classroom. The teacher just rolls her eyes and points at the board. As I go to my seat I lock eyes with Jacob and my heart skips a beat. He throws a smile and I try to but its more like a 'something stinks' face. I just roll my eyes at myself and sit down. Why do I make things so difficult on myself?
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School went by in a blurr. I coaught Sam's eye more than once and I couldn't help but feel terribly uncomfortable because I couldnt stop staring and neither could he. Talk about awkward. I ate outside by myself refusing Symone and James's offer to sit with me because I didnt want Sam eating alone just because we broke up. Plus, I wanted to be alone. I decided to go to the gallery and who did I find? Jacob. I groaned to myself. Why God?? Why?
I try to turn back aroumd but he yells my name.
I turn reluctantly and give him an awkward smile. I walk towards him and he, to me. We meet at the middle and he places his hands awkwardly in his pocket rocking back and forth. I do the same, really uncomfortable with the silence but, too awkward to break it.
"Did I do...something wrong?" He asks and that gets my attention making me look at him. I finally speak.
"No! Not at all." I say. He sighs in relief.
"I just thought you were mad at me for something, you've been acting weird sense last night, I've really been trying to stay on your good side, I really dont know where we are right now." He says.
"I just...I'm...very confused right now, and we need to talk about this." I say gesturing between him and I.
"Me too. Sit down, lets talk." He says. I nod and we walk to the tree sliding down against it.
"You go first." I say to him.
He nods and clears his throat.
"I'm honestly terrified!" He blurts out and it makes me feel a bit of relief.
"I dont know what to do in these situations, I have never liked a girl the way that I like you. Yeah, Ive had some girlfriends and some flings, but I've never felt so vulnerable and at the same time comfortable with someone like I am with you."
He says looking in my eyes and gesturing for me to go next.
 
"I'm scared to fall for someone again, but somehow I just trust you. I always have. And I dont know why, but it terrifys me that I feel like this because Im scared Im going to fuck up or you're going to fuck up or we're both going to fuck up! And Im not sure if I'll be able to take that because you were the person who comforted me when Sam and I broke up, who would comfort me if you and I do?" I ask. Maybe Im just hellucinating, but his eyes seem glossy.
"Promise me something." He says.
"Anything." I say.
"Never say you hate me again." He says looking in my eyes fiercely and it kind of scares me.
"I promise." I say, and I mean it.
"And I promise not to break your heart. Ever, because I never want to see you broken again." He says. A tear falls down my cheek and I roll my eyes at myself.
"You have to mean it Jacob, because I mean it. I'll never say I hate you ever, because I lo...I.....Im sorry. i didnt..I...I" I rambling was cut off by lips smashing into mine. When I was out of shock I kissed back. I thought the kiss the other day was passionate but this one was the best yet.
We moved in sync and I've never felt so safe. He had his fingers running through my hair and I in his. It was magical. I really was in love with Jacob.
He pulled away and looked in my eyes.
"I mean it." He said with a solid secure tone and I believed him. I sighed a breathe of reliefs and just hugged him and I never wanted to let go. It was a feeling I'll never forget.
After a while we finally decided to go home because Jacob has a game today. It starts at 6 and it was already 5:15. He had to get me home because he wanted me to go to the game with him and I wanted to change.
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We were now on our way to the football feild and I was nervous. I know this wasnt, but it felt like a date. I know he'd be out on the feild...probably wouldnt even think about me. Even if it wasnt a date, I sure did dress for it. It was signature that people dressed up for the game because after it was a party at one of the players houses', win or lose.
I've never really been to a party, but that one time I had to get a drunk Julio home and Carlos needed my help getting him. I could maneuver through a crowd alot easier than him so I found Julio a lot faster. Other than that I was kind of clueless on how to even party. Dancing wasnt my thing but I wasnt uncomfortable to do it and I'm not a people person. But yesterday was my birthday and I deserve to treat myself into being a normal, sane teenager. When we got to the feild it was only about 15 people there. Probably to get the good seats. We get out the car and he stops me from walking without him. I stand and wait for him to get his equipment out of the trunk.
I grab his shoulder pads as I see him struggling to keep everything in his hands and he smiles in appreciation. We walk to the feild and go across to where the announcers sit and which is a above the doors leading to the locker rooms. We go through those doors and down a hall leading to the mens locker room and we stop. I sit his shoulder pads down on the bench in front of the locker room and he sits his duffle bag on the same bench. I spread my arms for a hug and he does too. We hug for a while and he squeezes hard which makes me grunt.
Once we pull away he chuckles and I fix my clothes.
"Good Luck." I say with a smile. He smiles back and kiss my cheek, which makes me melt.
"Thank you." He says grabbing his things and going into the locker room. As soon as he opens the door I smell sweat and hear whooting. I run as far away as possible because it just smell really gross.
I make my way back to the feild and there are a lot more people here now and they are all staring at me because. Im some tiny girl walking across the feild just 10 minutes before the game is about to start. I start to walk faster getting a little ticked that everyones staring so hard and I finally make it. I find a seat in the middle and sit down. Sense Jacon took me I didnt have to pay for the tickets but the tickets were 10 dollars. Even though the game hasnt started yet everyone is cheering. I geuss to get into spirit but I dont really think its rational so I stay seated.
I then noticed that the cheerleaders were lined up on the side hyping the crowd and I sigh. Every simgle one of those bitches remind me of my old school.
At least they arent super bitchy like that school. I havent had to beat any of their faces in with a text book yet.
About 4 minutes later the announcers introduce the teama and the game starts. I find myself getting excited naturally. I love football. Im no good at it, but its a sport I really enjoy watching.
At quarter 2 only 4 seconds on the clock Jacob throws the ball to Kyle right when he was only 10 inches away from the end zone and he leaped in and made it! I hopped up and screamed with the rest of the crowd and realized I had on a skirt so I sat down. I was looking way too pretty to be making such manly sounds. I had on a black skirt with pink roses scattered about. And a fancy white crop top I found at Rue 21. I had on black wedged boots because around Jacob with normal shoes was terrifying. Hes way too tall for me. Hes 6'3 and Im 5'2...with these boots Im at least 5'5.

When half time struck we were allowed to go on the field until the game starts back so I ran to the fence where Jacob stood waiting for me.
"Have I told you, you looked beautiful tonight?" He asks before I could even say hi.
I smile and flip my hair.
"No, but thanks for noticing. You're not so bad yourself." I say smugly, in my Miranda Sings voice. Jacob laughs and shakes his head at me.
"Come over here." He says gesturing for me to come on his side of the fence. I turn to the opening of the fence and pout.
"But the openings so far." I say still pouting and Jacob pouts too.
"But I want ypu to come over hereee!" He whines like a baby. I groan and take offy shoes. Jacob looks at me really confused. I hand them to him and I start to climb.
Jacob looks shocked and hisses at me.
"Drew! You have on a skirt!" He says over protectively.
"Relax! I have on shorts under!" I explain and hop off the gait once I get to the other side. I wipe off imaginary dirt and smile at him.
"You're a little monkey." He says.
"Only for you. You're Lucky." I say. Jacob smirks and grabs me by the hips making me turn red.
He steps closer and I get chills.
"Awww look how bad you want me." He teases and pulls away and I hit his chest and wince in pain forgetting he had on armor.
"Fuck!" I shout. Jacob laughs.
"Maybe later Drew, Im not into the whole audience thing." He says and wince in at me. I roll my eyes and snatch my shoes from him, throwing them on the other side and climbing on the gate again so I can get away from him so I dont hurt myself trying to conflict pain onto him.
I tried at least. He pulled me off and hugged me from behind.
"Dont gooo Im sorry." He whines. I groan.
"You're so needy." I say and stop trying to escape. For some reason he still holds me from behind and to be honest I think this is really cute. Like if I saw this from the bleachers Id be like 'awwww I dont even want to puke' and then it hits me. People are staring at us from the bleachers. Not everyone but a lot. Most people were either on the feild or doing their own thing but the people whocane alone were basically eating popcorn watching the nobody and the star quarterback all hugged up. It bothers me, but it doesnt bother Jacob so I just hang in there. He has his head on my shoulder and hes humming some song rocking side to side. Its so weird. All this PDA is killing me and I guess its killing the announcer because they told everyone to get back to the bleachers because the game was about to start again. Jacob pouted again but set me free and I climbed the gate, gaining attention from some people but I didnt care. I grabbed my shoes and got back on the bleachers watching as our team demolished the other.
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The game was over and we won 56 to 21! We destroyed them.
We were now on our way to the party and I was extremely excited and nervous. When we finally got there my stomach tued but as we got to the front door I felt Jacobs hand slip into mine and I felt safer than ever. Like ISIS could come here and I fell like Javob would sheild me jsust by taking my hand.
When we got in plenty of eyes were on us and there was already a heavy scent of alcohol. I smuched my face up in disgust as I saw 2016 edition to soul train or whatever the hell they were doing and Jacob just chuckles. I dont find it funny I find it uncomfortable.
We go to the back yard where there are more civilized people. They're just slightly bobbing their heads to the music and sipping from their cups.
"Gross right? I dont knoa why I torture myself with these." Jacob says to me. I chuckle and shrug.
"It could be fun I think." I say. Jacob raises his eyebrows at me.
"Show me fun." He says. I smirk and grab his hand, dragging him into the house on the dance floor.
"Lets show them what real dancing is." I say with a suggestive eyebrow.
"I have never been so turned on in my life." He says shimmying towards me and I laugh. We dance to the music and its by far the most fun Ive ever had in my life.
Maybe dancing is my thing.
I wonder what else Ill find out about myself tonight.
In the words of Nicki Minaj, the night is still young!