The Push Away

Im A Loser And I Love It

Have you ever hated someone so bad that you'd give anything to watch them suffer?
Well...I'm so close to feeling that way...except it's something deep....deep....super freaking deep deep down in my stomach...not even my heart, my stomach that has a little bit,an entsy tentsy bit of care for Jacob. If he died....I would be like "oh man...that's pretty boguss." Then get on with my life.
Jacob isn't the start to my problems. Sure I had the problem with being the only girl,and being underestimated by other girls...but Jacob brought way more problems to my plate. And yeah, he may have started off helping me...but he's over stayed his welcome in my life and now he's like...going to be here forever!
Its the stupid rumors,his stupid kisses, and his stupid, stupid cockiness! It drives me insane. First, I thought he was cute and before it happened, if someone told me he would be living with me I'd say something very sexual, wink, and be happy with the outcome. Now....I'd kill for him to pack his stupid little duffle bag and skittles and be out of my way!
He causes way to much anger. I shouldn't be so freaking angry...I'm only 15 for crying out loud!
I take a deep breathe and walk towards my locker. After all this fuming over Jacob...I've noticed that I have so much more things to worry about. My only friend is stuck playing house nurse for her mom until next week and I have no one to talk to until then.
I'm definitely going to be walking home today...and I still have to live with 6 boys when I get there...luckily I'll have a little time alone until then.
I opened my locker to get my chemistry book when I hear my name I raise my eyebrow and turn around.
It was Sam!
"Sam?" I ask confused. What the hell is he doing here!?
He runs towards me and hugs me. I stiffen a little at first but hug back.
"Drew, I'm so sorry I haven't texted you,or called but I got my phone taken." He says apologetically.
"No,its fine...but why do you have a busted lip...and why are you here?" I ask.
He then smirks at me and I smirk back but raise my eyebrows in confusion because I really don't know what I'm smirking for.
"I got in a fight...my parents transferred me here." He says motioning towards the school grounds.
"Awww, your like a male me!" I tease. He punches me playfully in the arm and I chuckle.
"Well what can I say? Your a real motivation of mine." He says sarcastically.
"Oh, don't be sarcastic! When you first saw me you were practically begging for an autograph!" I say teasingly. He scoffs and rolls his eyes. I do the same and he laughs.
"Lies!" He says.
I laugh at his out burst and am interrupted by someone clearing their throat. I look up to see Jacob. I completely stop my laughter and look blankly at him. Does he not get the hint?
"Can I talk to your for a second Drew?" He asks. I frown at him.
"You've talked enough Jacob! I don't want to hear whatever it is you have to say." I say.
He groans and looks at me.
"Drew....please...just 10 minutes of your time."he says. I look at him seriously and he looks at me with pleading eyes. I groan and nod.
"Sam...I'll talk to you later?" I ask. He nods and smirks at me.
"You bet." He says and walks away.
"So that's Sam huh?" Jacob asks. I roll my eyes.
"You're wasting your ten minutes." I state and start to walk to a quieter place in the school.
"Okay. So....what I have to say is...I'm...I'm sorry?" He mostly asks. I look at him incredulously.
"Dude...was that a question? You bet your sorry ass you're sorry!" I say stabbing my finger in his chest doing more damage to my finger than anything. His chest is rock hard.
"Okay...yeah I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you...what was it like 4 times? Anyway...I know your not like other girls and I respect that, but you have to know that I'm not used to girls like you." He says. I'm surprised. He's kind of good at apologies.
"Just do me a giant favor...and don't get used to me...okay? Just act like I don't exist." I say before walking away.
"Why do you hate me?" He asks sounding exhausted.
"I'm tired...of people like you who think they own the world Jacob...its not okay. How many times does a person have to tell you they aren't interested in being your friend?" I say rudely. I'm just super tired. Maybe I could have come about it a different way but...its sad.
"I didn't realize you felt that way." He says. I scoff.
"Okay maybe I'm being rude and all...but now your just being plain idiotic. I literally tell you I hate you everyday. I mean...I try to be nice because sometimes you help me out and your a good person,but most times your arrogant,pushy,and you just attract way to much negative attention towards me." I say frustrated.
"We live in the same house now Drew...we have to find a way to work it out." He sort of whispers.
"No! Either you stop trying to make my life even harder than it already is...or you stay out of it. We can easily live in the same house and never talk...me and Giounni do it all the time. Lucky for you...I have amazing silent treatment skills." I say and storm off for real this time. I decide to ditch Chemistry. I've had enough agonizing torture for one day.
I go to the auditorium, which I know will be empty until 4th hour. I sigh as I take a seat on the piano stool up on the stage.
My family doesn't know about my love for music...they would just push it to the side anyway. Their sports people. Outside of my household my other family members believe that women are basically slaves to men. Now as I do believe in the traditional respect women should have for a hard working man...women should also earn the exact same amount of respect. My mom was fortunate enough to land my dad. My dad says my mom was a lot like me...but I can't help but deny it because,my dad doesn't even know me.
I start to play a couple notes on the piano and hum along to it.
Don't rescue me,don't rescue me.
Take what's left of me,this grim reality!
And the moon shines red,tonight...as I pray your heart and sever mine!
Calling out to me,I'm holding on,but my bodies caving in! Calling out to me,I know I've won! But it don't mean anything!
I sing Moon shines red but get cut off by a gasp. I swiftly look up in complete and utter fear!
Its the music teacher.
I'm busted. I'm so fucking busted. I could run...I could always run. Oh crap, no! He probably got a good look at my face.
"What's your name?" He asks. My breath hitches.
"I can't tell you that." I say calmly but stand up swiftly.
"And why is that? I'm not going to rat you out for skipping." He says. I raise my eyebrows and eye him suspiciously.
"What's your angle Mr. C?" I ask.
"Glee club." He says. What?!
"G-glee club? That's a thing?" I ask interested, but shut it down immediately after he nods.
"I can't! Noooo, no can do." I say and begin to walk off stage.
"Wait! Why? You have an amazing voice. You should share it with the world." He says.
"I live in a house with nothing but boys, all of them play sports...they don't even listen to music! What sane person doesn't listen to music? The only time they listen to music is in the car. Every time I even hum in the house I get called a sissy!" I exclaim. I've been verbally bullied at school plenty of times for just being different and I stuck up for myself, but I refuse to be bullied at my own house.
"Sounds like something you need." He says.
"Yeah? Well its not. What happens when its time to preform and no ones there for me? I'm just going to get hurt. I don't want reality... That my family doesn't really care about me...I don't want that." I question.
Mr. C stands by me and pats my shoulder.
"Think about it." He says then walks of stage.
He leaves me in the auditorium where I'm left refusing. I'm not doing this.
I'm not Becky G...I'm just some normal girl who can sing...I'm sure lots of people can. I don't want to flaunt it...and I don't want attention.
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I sit in the lunch room thinking really hard about my day. This is the worst day...ever.
"Hey there." I hear someone say. I look up to see a grinning Sam.
"Sam! Thank God!" I say sighing in relief.
"What? Your happy to see me? I'm shocked!" He says sarcastically.
"I'm just happy someone else is here so I won't die in thought." I say.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks.
I sigh, not really in the mood to even talk about him.
"Jacob." I say.
"What about Jacob?" He asks.
"He lives with me." I say.
"What?! When did this happen." I groan and feel him in on everything.
When I'm done he just sits there dumbfounded.
"He kissed you 4 times and he still has balls?" He asks. I sigh and nod my head.
"Doesn't that like...count for sexual harassment?" He asks.
"Well...yeah, but I would never ruin his life like that." I say. He nods.
"I mean I understand...but what if things escalated?" He asks.
"I would never let that happen...plus, he would never do that if he had sense. He lives in a house with my 4 brothers and a dad...and sweetie I'm Latina...I have a machete." I say. Sam shakes his head and laughs at my statement.
"You also have me. I will kill that guy if he so much as pulls a strain of your hair." He says.
I smile.
"Thanks Sam." I say.
I realize that the lunchroom was getting quiet and I realized why.
Jacob is arguing with some guy.
"Dude, that chick is really taking all your balls!" The guy says to Jacob.
"That chick, has a name and think what you want man. I've been a jerk and she put me in place. There is nothing wrong with realization." Jacob says back.
I gasp and so does Sam.
The other guy chuckles. "Whatever dude." He says and walks out.
"Oh my gosh Jacob you are so sweet!" Some bimbo says. He looks at her with a raised eyebrow and scans the room. When his eyes land on me he stops and his eyes soften.
I look away and Sam still stares at him.
"Drew, accept the mans apology." Sam says. I look at him and frown. He frowns back.
"Fine!" I say. The lunchroom was still quiet and they all snapped their heads my direction. I rolled my eyes at them and walk towards Jacob.
"What are you doing? I thought you never wanted to talk to me again." He says.
"I'm sorry I was being such a jerk." I say. He looks at me with wide eyes and the whole lunch room gasps.
"Wait, what?" He asks.
"I'm apologizing to you." I say. He looks at me surprised at my words.
"Why? You were supposed to be mad at me, I was being a jerk." He says.
"I know, but you apologized for it and I blew you off...but I want you to know that I accept your apology."
"Wow." He says still in aww.
I want to laugh at him but I don't want to sound like a walrus in front of all these people.
"Okay, do you accept my apology?" I say.
"Yeah...of course." He says happily and picks me up.
"Oh my God! Jacob put me down now!" I exclaim. I hate heights!
"Nope!" He says.
"Jacoooob! Everyone is looking at us and I don't like it!" I scream.
"So!" He says. I scream again when he starts spinning in a circle.
"Sam! Help me! I think I'm. Going to barf." I say. Sam gets up and walks towards us.
"okay man, she's turning green." He says to Jacob. Jacob chuckles but finally puts me down.
I look around to see everyone looking confused.
"She's such a loser." I hear someone say. I then grin.
"Yep, I'm a loser, and I love it!" I shout sticking my tongue out and putting up the rocker hand sign thingy.
I walk out the lunch room to possibly barf...because my stomach is still bothered my the spinning.
I can't believe I made up with Jacob.
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