The Rock Rollercoaster

28. Just Say Yes

I'm sorry about last time, but it had to happen. And, if I'm totally honest, it might even get worse... BUT.... On the bright side, you've had two uploads in two days!

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The tour bus smelt like the soundbooth from Number Four. This was comforting - I was already missing the studio, which felt more like home than England or my apartment ever would. It was the place Nate and I had written our music, where I'd fallen in love. With both the music and him.

It was a small bus, but since we were close, we hadn't cared when they'd first told us. Now, after last night, I was beginning to regret not demanding either a separate bus or just a bigger one. There were four bunk beds with just a slide-along curtain to shield us from view. Luckily, there were two bathrooms. Well, if you could call the tiny room a bathroom.

No one spoke as we boarded that first night. My throat hadn't healed from the concert last night and all the crying afterwards. Nate kept far away from me, anger and cold emotion etched into every line in his face. Chris and Freddie weren't stupid. They knew something had happened, and so kept quiet.

We all just kind of stood and stared around for a bit. The living space was at the back of the bus, with two comfy looking sofas making an L shape in the left corner, a small kitchenette along the right wall and various cupboards and storage spaces. It was nice, homey even. It would've been much nicer if Nate and I were... you know.

Eventually, our driver, an overweight 40 year old named Jimmy, poked his face into the still-open doorway. "Come on, guys, get settled in. Its time to get going. Should arrive in Vermont in about 5 or 6 hours, at this rate."

I internally groaned. Five - six hours in a perpetually awkward bus, whilst I couldn't bear to look Nate in the eye for fear I'd blurt out everything and decide the band wasn't worth it anyway? Fantastic. I cleared my throat. "Right, thanks Jimmy," I said, before closing the door.

Chris threw his suitcase onto the top bunk on the right wall. "This one's mine." He said, grinning.

Following his lead, Freddie jumped onto the bottom bunk underneath Chris, smirking. "You two can fight over the other set."

Chris and Freddie meandered into the living space, which was kept separate from the bunks by a thin plastic door. It closed behind them with a snap, leaving me alone with Nate.

My heart picked up and I started to panic. Should I speak like we were just friends? How could I when I was battling the urge to kiss him and forget the consequences? There was a huge, bubbling mess of guilt inside me, and it didn't allow me to talk.

It was Nate who made the first move. He simply set his bags on the top bunk before stalking into the living space without looking at me once.

It was like a physical pain shooting through me. How was he finding this so easy? Or was he just that good at hiding his anger? Because it was obvious he was angry - he kept clenching his fists when he thought no one was watching. But I was always watching.

Stifling a sob, I dumped my bags onto the last remaining bottom bunk. Maybe it was a good thing Nate was on top of me - we wouldn't be able to see each other during sleepless nights. I was sure there would definitely be a few of those to come.

Wiping the few tears that had managed to escape, I poked my head around the door. "Guys, I'm going to see if I can sleep through this first journey."

Freddie gaped at me from where he was sprawled over the sofa. "What? But its the first one, we're supposed to go wild!"

I shrugged. "I'm still kinda tired from last night, and I don't want to fall asleep onstage tonight." This was true - I hadn't been able to get any sleep at all.