The Rock Rollercoaster

22.

Thank you for all the input last time! 

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I woke feeling very warm.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was wrapped up in Nate on the sofa of my apartment. I was laid completely on top of him, as it wasn't a very big space, and his arms were tight around my waist. My hands were pressed against his chest, feeling every calm breath he took. His eyes were closed, his face so serene in sleep. I put my head back down on his chest and snuggled closer.

He opened his eyes blurrily. "I could get used to waking up like this," He said, his voice coated in sleep.

I smiled and pushed back some of his hair. "Me too," I said. He leaned up, kissing me very softly on the lips. I kissed him back, but something had changed, my head was clearer than yesterday... and I remembered.

I pulled away quickly. "Crap," I whispered. I opened my eyes and looked back at our legs tangled hopelessly together. I looked back at Nate, who was looking sad and confused. "Crap." I whimpered.

I pushed back and fell off  the sofa, landing on my butt on the floor. Nate rolled and looked down at me. "Ly? What's wrong?" He said, raising himself so that he was half-sitting.

I stood up and ran a hand through my hair. "I have a boyfriend." I whispered. "Oh God, I have a boyfriend!"

Nate slumped back down. "I thought we said we were going to forget?"

I scoffed. "Right, lets just forget everything in the whole world except each other, shall we? That's practical."

He stood up. "That's what we did last night."

"And last night..." I sighed, turning around. "Last night shouldn't have happened, should it?" I looked back at him. He stepped closer and pulled on my arm until I was facing into his chest. I jumped back, "No, Nate!"

He looked hurt. "What, I can't even hug you now?"

I shook my head. "I can't... I can't let myself get too comfortable around you in that way! That's not- We shouldn't..."

"But its not fair!" Nate yelled. "Why can't we just..."

"I'm sorry, Nate. I really am." I said.

He pulled me close again, as close as we had been last  night. "At least tell me that it wasn't just me that enjoyed last night." He whispered, his hands tracing up my back.

I closed my eyes at his touch. Why couldn't I just give in? After all, David had never made me feel like this, and it would be so easy and just what I wanted... I opened my eyes and found that our foreheads were leaning against each other. "I'm sorry," I breathed.

He nodded as he pulled away. "That's what I thought." He made his way over to the door and pulled it open, tugging me by the hand after him. He stood on the threshold and kissed me hard, more desperate than before. It took my breath away, and before I knew I was grabbing at his shirt, wishing we didn't have to do this, didn't have to say goodbye.

He pulled away abruptly. "I suppose I'll see you in Number 4 later then." He was hurting so much - not just me, but everything that had happened to him lately. The look on his face made my heart wrench, and I wanted nothing more than to pull him back inside and forget all over again.

Instead, I said, "Yeah, I suppose you will."

He left without another word, seemingly find this as hard as I was. I watched his back down the corridor, but he didn't look back. It was probably a good thing -  I wasn't sure I'd be able to help myself if I saw the hurt look in his eyes one more time.