Bea
When I woke up I was in Dallas' arms, and I had a pacifier in my mouth, which meant I was probably headspaced before I went to sleep, I hate it when it happens, I feel like such a burden. I fully opened my eyes and took the pacifier out
"hey baby" Dallas looked like she had been crying, her eyes were red and puffy, and it generally concerned me.
"Dally? are you okay?" I asked her putting my hand up to under her eyes and wiping them free of a couple of tears were escaping
"I'm fine baby, it-it's nothing, I-I'm f-fine" she whispered not looking at me, Demi sighed and looked at Maddie
"Dallas can you come with me please?" Demi asked Dallas, Dallas nodded and put me on the couch next to Maddie, Dallas whispered something to Maddie before walking out of the room
"did you mean it?" Maddie asked quietly when Dallas and Demi had left
"mean what Mads?" I asked her wrapping my arms around her
"that you want to kill yourself?" she whispered again, looking quite scared of the answer
"I uh" I shifted my gaze to the ground, Maddie lifted my head and looked into my eyes her face dropped and a tear rolled down her cheek
"I love you Isabella, I love you so much, and I would never be able to live with myself if you killed yourself, please, please tell Dallas, please don't do it" Maddie begged wrapping her arms around me and kissing my forehead
"I-I can't promise you that Mads" I said looking away from my sister's pain filled eyes
"please Bea, please, I can't lose you" she begged with her arms still around me
"I can't promise you Maddie, I'm so sorry" I said taking her arms from around me
"I can't promise you because I don't know whether I'll be strong enough to find Dallas, I don't know whether I'll be strong enough to not take my own life because I don't trust myself anymore, I am not safe and I won't be safe, I'm only safe when Demi is by my side twenty-four seven, but she can''t be by my side twenty-four seven because she has her own life, her own recovery, and I can't be by her side twenty-four seven because it's too much pressure for her. I'm not promising because I don't want to break a promise, and I certainly am not ready for any of this"
"not ready for what?" Maddie asked after processing my information for a couple of minutes
"recovery, I don't want it and I am not ready for it" I said
"sometimes we get what we need and not what we want" Maddie said holding my hand
"I don't need recovery Madison! And I'm sick of being told that I do" I yelled slamming my hands on the couch
"you do" she whispered sadly, looking kind of afraid
"no I don't!" I yelled standing up and running towards the door. Someone grabbed me and picked me up carrying me back to the couch, I tried to fight their grip but I had no energy and collapsed into them. They sat down on the couch and put me on their lap, I figured it was Demi when I saw the black ink on their wrist.
"calm down babygirl, just breathe" Demi said, I tried to get off of her lap but she wouldn't let me go she had a really tight grip too. I ended up just giving up and laying my head back on her shoulder and taking deep breaths
"that's it baby, just breathe, I know you're angry but just breathe" I continued to breathe slowly and deeply
"I'm good" I whispered
"what were y'all fighting about? All I heard was 'No I don't!'" Demi looked at me and then at Maddie
"I told her she needed recovery, and she said she didn't" Maddie said, I rolled my eyes at her, seriously she was just making me mad for no reason
"Mads, can we have a moment" Demi asked, Maddie nodded and left the room
"baby" Demi sighed, I looked away from her
"baby look at me" she said softly grabbing my hand
"babygirl, look at me" she said gently moving my head back to look at her, she turned me around on her lap so that I was facing her
"I'm not worth recovery, I'm a waste of space and I deserve every single ounce of pain that I bring upon myself" I said burying my head in her neck
"baby, you don't deserve what you do to yourself, all the pain you put yourself through. I know you think you do, trust me I know, but you need and you deserve recovery baby, we all need you here, we need you, I, I need you baby, and if you don't recover I'm not going to have my baby anymore" a tear slipped out of Demi's eye and landed on my cheek
"and I need my baby" she whispered before moving her arms from around me to wipe her eyes, my sister crying made me cry, I started to sob loudly, I didn't want to hurt Demi
"baby, you and Dallas are moving in with Maddie, Wilmer, Marissa and I for the next couple of weeks, until I know that you are safe enough, until you are stable enough" I was happy about moving back in with Demi, I missed being with her
"I'll be closely monitoring you, and on days when I feel you need it you will not be sleeping in your own bed instead you'll be with me, you will be tube fed three meals a day and all bathroom trips will be monitored by either Me, Dallas or Marissa" she said sternly
"I'm doing this because I love you baby, and I hate seeing you like this. I never wanted this for you, I never wanted you to go through the pain I went through"
"I love you too DemDem, none of this is your fault"
YOU ARE READING
Hidden Secrets
FanfictionI guess most people would say I'm lucky, I mean I am related to the Demi Lovato, and trust me it has it's up sides but it's not what it seems like. Demi's fans like to attack me, because I'm Demi's little sister, and Demi never see's it. It's also k...
