(A/N: Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you! Due to it being Star Wars Day and the day I officially turn 18/ am legally classified as an adult, I will give you an extra long chapter! Enjoy!:))
Chapter 44
After the high of being presented with an award and all the partying that went on afterwards. Things got weird and I began to just feel really sluggish with the knowledge that I was not invincible; I was probably going to die prematurely. The briefcase Vasily had given me had provided a lot of answers to my family's unfortunate history however, it also caused me to question a lot of things.
My mind was a mess as I contemplated the purpose of living. For a few days I went from reading the materials in the briefcase to crying on my couch to eating out my fridge and then to sleeping only to wake up and read a new piece of information and begin the cycle all over again. I refused to put a term to what I was going through. Saying I had depression seemed a little too dramatic and it was just another label.
On the fourth day of my ridiculous self-imprisonment, I decided to ring the most happy-go-lucky person I knew.
"Hey...husband." I spoke softly as the call connected. I had not exactly spoken to Feliciano after he had married my persona and quickly gotten a divorce after it came out that I was actually...well, me. I wanted to take this gently.
"Sophia? No, it-a is, Taishya? Si?"
"Yeah." I affirmed, feeling almost ecstatic that Feliciano had not hung up the phone...not that I thought he would, it's just I was sort of really lacking in confidence with everyone in relation to me. "Can I tell you something?"
There was a long pause and I sighed. So much for taking it easy.
"Si..." Feliciano said reluctantly, "Is it about the bambino? Am I the padre?"
I grimaced as I deciphered Feliciano's Italian. I was not fluent in Italian in the slightest...the only word I was really sure of was "ciao" but Latin-derived languages had many similarities; padre/papa, bambino/baby. It wasn't rocket science!
"You and I both know there is a chance." I said quietly, "But I can't confirm anything for sure yet and anyway that is not what I wanted to really talk about it. I guess I am ringing you because you are literally the nicest guy I know and I just want to vent to someone who isn't just a little self-absorbed. So if it is all good with you, I am going to just go for it, okay?"
"Si." Feliciano said again and I had to wonder if he was actually picking up all of what I was putting down. I chose to continue what I wanted to say, the only drive I had was that talking to Feliciano would be an outlet for all the anxiety that had been building up in me for the past few days.
"You see, a few days ago I found out I am going to die." I began, "I guess everyone is but I am prone to die prematurely all because my grandparents really effed up and condemned all of my family to be part of a stupid experiment to do with genetic warfare. So yeah. It turns out Ivan and I were always meant to get together because I suppose the government got sick of the repercussions of the whole funding us to die and you know...he was supposed to stop my bloodline and me passing the disease on to my offspring but that potentially hasn't happened. It's just a complete set up mess and I don't even know what to think. I am going to die so what do I do? Do I start planning a whole death plan? Like I had a pretty dysfunctional childhood and not much to really hold onto when my parents left me so they could die but what am I mean to do for this kid? The one thing I wanted to do for this baby was to be there for it and its father, too but shit! I can't even do that for it!"
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