Sa Isang Sulyap

Ika-tatlongpu't Apat na Sulyap

Ika-tatlongpu't Apat na Sulyap

"Nakuha mo na kung anong gusto mo? Ngayon umalis ka na." sabi ko saka ko siya nilagpasan. Pinahiran ko yung luha ko habang naglalakad ako papasok ng bahay. I don't want any other attachments after this. One kiss is enough. And he misses me? Manloloko siya, paano ko siya paniniwalaan?

"Hindi iyon yung gusto ko Summer!" huminto ako kinuyom ko yung palad ko. I was thinking about my brother. Magagalit talaga 'yon kapag nalamang nandito siya! Bakit kailangan niyang sumigaw?! Nakakahiya sa mga kapitbahay!

"Ikaw ang gusto ko! Hindi mo ba nakukuha 'yon?! I won't lower myself and show myself here if I didn't mean that! Why did you have to leave?! Bakit kailangan mong magalit?! Bakit kailangan mong magbago?!" nagtagis yung bagang ko. I want to slap him! Ang kapal ng mukha niyang itanong sa'kin lahat ng 'yon?!

"Are we playing a game again? 'diba tapos na? Jhustine and you were already defeated. Don't tell me. Nandito ka para maghamon ng rematch?" hinintay ko siyang makalapit sa'kin. Seryoso siyang nakatingin and what the hell am I seeing right now?

He's freakin' crying!

"I want to kill myself because this happened to you. Kung nung una pa lang tinigilan na kita at hindi ko na sinunod pa si Jhustine. Hindi ka sana naging ganito." Kinagat ko yung labi ko. I am not aware of something like this. Talaga bang umiiyak siya? I shook my head in disbelief.

"I don't know--"

"Hindi mo alam Nico? You want me to remind you?! What did I ever do wrong para lokohin niyo ko ng ganito? Damn it! You know what is my only mistake here? 'yun ay yung minahal kita. 'yun siguro yung pinakamalaking pagkakamaling nagawa ko! Because damn it Nico! I freakin' believe that you loved me too. That you can love a plain and boring girl like me. Pero mali ako! You may probably choking after those days you were with me! Kasi ang iniisip mo non. That Jhustine bitch is better! Still the best! Pero san ka na pupulutin ngayon? Niloko ka rin ni Jhustine! She had sex with another man!" tumawa ako ng pagak saka ko siya nilapitan.

"I don't care about her." Mahinang sabi niya pero hindi ko iyon pinansin.

"Ngayon Nico sabihin mo. Are you doing this to play a game again? This time you're gonna use me just to make Jhustine jealous and to avenge--"

"I said I don't care about her! Revenge is fucking bullshit! Everything about it is bullshit, Summer!" he shouted. His eyes looked furious then his hands went over my shoulder. I felt his hard grip on it. Tinignan ko iyon saka ako ulit bumaling sa kanya.

"Could you at least believe me? At least one time. Believe me. Trust me Summer. Minahal kita. And I still do love you! Hindi mo alam kung paano ko pinagdusahan yung mga araw na wala ka! I even used Jhustine to forget! Pero hindi ko pa rin nagawa!" ngumisi ako. Paniniwalain niya na naman ako sa isang kasinungalingan. Sawang-sawa na ko!

"Pero ikakasal na kayo 'diba?"

"Akala ko hindi ka na babalik. Akala ko kaya ko ng wala ka. Pero bumalik ka. Bumalik ka at binalik mo lahat ng sakit at lungkot na dinanas ko. Look, I am not blaming you for this if that's what you're going to think. I just want you to know how I suffered. Hoping that you'll consider it as my punishment and get back to me after." Isa pang tawang pagak yung ginawa ko. Iiling-iling akong tumingin sa baba saka ko siya hinarap ulit.

"Sorry. But whatever you say right now hindi ko na pinaniniwalaan and you know what? I do believe you." Tinanggal ko yung pagkakahawak niya sa balikat ko saka ko inilapit yung mukha ko sa mukha niya. Hindi ako nagpaskil ng kahit anong emosyon pero bago ako magsalita ay ngumiti ako.

Not a genuine one. It is more of a disgusted smile.

"I do believe that you're lying." 'yun lang saka ako umalis na. Anumang sabihin niya. Anumang gawin niya. Wala na. Hindi na ko ulit maniniwala sa kanya.