One of the Boys 1 & 2 (Published by Pop Fiction)

Chapter Fifty One

Chapter Fifty One

Present

Yonder

"He's gone." My world stopped when I heard that. "Sumama na siya kay Lizzie sa Canada."

Tinulak ko siya. "You moron!" I pushed Sean. "You made it look like... like... like he was in danger. I almost thought he was dead."

"Kaninang madaling araw pa sila umalis."

Ang sakit ng ulo ko. My legs were too weak to function.

I seriously didn't know what to do. Wala na akong magagawa dahil nasa Canada siya.

May tiwala ako kay Apa, pero akala ko ba walang iwanan? What was I supposed to feel? Pagod na pagod na ako. Lagi na lang bang ganito? Kasi ayoko na. Sawang sawa na akong maghintay.

Alam ko naman na dadating siya, pero wala naman siyang sinabi kung kailan. Alam ba niyang buntis ako? I guess not. Kasi kung alam niya, sigurado akong hindi niya ako iiwan... or was I wrong? If he knew I was pregnant, would he still leave me?

I knelt down and cried. Buntis ako. Buntis ako! I was fcking pregnant. Ilang buwan na lang, tapos na internship ko tapos nabuntis pa ako. Buntis ako, pero kung anu-ano na ang nangyari sa akin. Buti na lang, malakas kapit ng bata. Buntis ako, pero nawawala naman yung tatay ng magiging anak ko.

Oo, mahal ako ni Apa. Mahal na mahal. Pero nakakasawa na talaga. Nakakapagod. Nakakaiyak!

"Tumayo ka diyan."

I couldn't. Nakakahiya na dahil nasa hallway ako ng hospital at pinagtitinginan ako ng mga tao, pero wala akong pakielam. I was too weak to stand up. Iyak lang ako ng iyak.

I cried harder when my cousins sat across from me.

"Hangga't di ka tumatayo, hindi kami tatayo."

I sobbed. "Ano nang gagawin ko?"

Louie, the youngest, wiped my tears and hugged me. Arvin hugged me from behind. He'll come back. My brother-in-law will come back."

"I don't need him anymore," I said. "Nandiyan naman kayo. Hindi ko na siya kailangan."

My friends sat beside me, trying to cheer me up.

"Tiwala lang kay Apa, Recto," sabi ni Bri. "Babalik 'yun."

He still left. Akala ko ba walang iwanan? Siya nga yung nagsabi na h'wag ko siyang iiwan. Siya naman pala 'tong mas kayang mang-iwan.

"Tumayo ka na diyan," sabi ni Sean. May binigay siyang box sa akin saka niya pinakita sa akin yung phone niya. I played the video. It was Apa inside my hospital room. He was beside me, talking to me, and kissing me. 

Kaninang madaling araw lang 'to. He was so wasted. Bakit hindi na lang niya ako ginising?!

Ang lapit ng mukha namin dalawa. "Love, I need to do this for everyone's sake. You trust me, right? May tiwala ka na sa ating dalawa, 'di ba? Pagdating ko, siguradong galit ka sa akin. I know you very well. Pero babalikan mo pa rin ako kasi meant to be tayong dalawa." My tears fell when his fell. "I trust our love. Nakaya nga natin ng matagal na panahon. Mas makakaya natin dahil mag-asawa na tayo." He smiled. It was a loving smile. "Walang annulment na mangyayari. And when I come back, we'll have less worries. I promise. I'll come back, Love, and no one can set us apart again. H'wag kang mag-alala, hindi ka mabubyuda."

After watching the video, I went back to my room, but I didn't take a rest. I immediately opened the box he gave me. Then I suddenly remembered-- On Apa's second year in Canada, he gave me the weirdest presents a person could ever get. I was thinking then, 'Pinaglalaruan ba niya ako?'

Paano naman kasi, ang titino ng mga binibigay niya sa pamilya ko tapos yung sa'kin, ano? Halaman, isang personalized block na may nakasulat na 'A', at small cards. Small cards na puro words. Yung iba ngang salita, hindi ko maintindihan. They were too deep!

I thought there was no meaning behind those gifts... until I read everything. I should have known. He was Apa.

Punung-puno ng mga sulat yung laman ng kahon. Una kong binuksan yung envelope na may nakasulat na 'INTRODUCTION'.

Dear Bach,

Nangako ako kay Uncle na magsusulat ako. Susulatan kita, pero para sa akin at hindi para sa'yo. Susulatan kita dahil gusto kong i-labas lahat ng nararamdaman ko. 'Yun nga lang, hindi ko alam kung ba't ako nagsusulat. Alam kong gusto lang ni Uncle na mabawasan yung sakit. Biruin mo, alam niyang magbibreak tayo? Ha!

Kaya ito, mukha akong tangang nagsusulat. 'Wag kang mag-alala. Hindi ko rin gets kung bakit niya 'to pinapagawa sa'kin. Bakit ba ang weird nating lahat? He forced asked me to write a letter for myself. I'll randomly pick a word, then pour all my emotions through writing.

Alam mo ba kung anong nararamdaman ko ngayon? Para akong nasa kulungan. Para akong sinasaksak dahan-dahan. Ganun kasakit o mas masakit pa, pero kailangan eh. Mahal mo pa rin naman ako, 'di ba?

I wanted to see you before you go, but I tried my best not to. Pag nakita kita, sigurado akong hindi na ako makakaalis.

Gusto kitang makita. Kahit makita lang. Kahit hindi na mahawakan.

But I promised Uncle... I'll be better. I will be.

I'll find myself, Ags. When I do, I'll come back to you. Can you not date anyone else? Can you wait for me? I'm begging you. Para akong ewan. Hindi mo naman kasi 'to mababasa.

Sumunod na binuksan ko yung may nakasulat na letter 'A' for Abberant, then yung letter 'B', then the next one, hanggang sa umabot ako ng letter Z. Every letter, may word, and every word, may nobela. May epilogue pa na mukhang minadaling i-sulat kumpara sa ibang letters.

Pagtingin ko sa date, kakasulat lang niya nito kaninang madaling araw.

Epilogue

They're random words. Gusto ko lang malaman kung kaya ko bang i-connect lahat ng salita sa'yo. And I guess, I did. Kahit yung pinakanon-sense o pinakamalalim na salita, kaya kong i-connect sa'yo. I honestly tried not to write about you, but my mind kept coming back to you.

I'm sure you're mad at me for leaving. I ate my words. Pinigilan pa kitang iwanan ako, pero ako naman ang nang-iwan. Ang gago ko, 'di ba? I'm not asking you to understand, Love. Magalit ka sa akin hanggang kailan mo gusto pero lagi mong tatandaan, ikaw lang. You're the only love of my life. It's cheesy, but it's true. I've fallen harder for you each day. 

Are you smiling? Crying? Both? Kinikilig ka na naiinis na nafufrustrate at lahat-lahat na? I'm really sorry for making you cry. As I much as I want to kiss your tears away, I can't. It pains me that I can't. But what pains me more is that I'm the reason behind my wife's tears.

I'm sorry, Love. I really want to write 'I'm sorry' a thousand times, but I don't have enough time. Kailangan ko lang gawin 'to. Kahit anong mangyari, babalik ako. When that time comes, maybe we'll have less worries, but when that time comes, will you still be my wife? I hope so (I AM BEGGING).

For now, I have to fix some things. Your boys will surely protect you and they won't ever leave you. Pagbalik ko, kaya na kitang protektahan ng walang umaalis at hindi tayo naghihiwalay. Last na 'to.

Trust us. I really need you to trust me.

Love,

The most faithful and loyal husband in the world (PROMISE)

PS. SORRY (10000000x)