One of the Boys 1 & 2 (Published by Pop Fiction)

Chapter Fourteen

Past

4 years ago

"Do you know what's wrong with you?"

"Too caring?" He shrugged.

Lizzie shook her head and put her hand on his shoulder. "No, Yuki. There's nothing wrong with being too caring. It just means you're selfless. Sobrang bait mo, oo, but in this world full of evil stuff, it needs a heart like yours. However, in order to love others, you must love yourself first. The problem with you is not your kindness, but the way you look at yourself. You can't love yourself. You appease other people, but you can't satisfy yourself."

He kept quiet. Lizzie was right, but how could he love himself if he didn't even know himself? He never wanted to hurt people, especially those he cared about, but he was hurting himself.

"How?" He asked. He wanted to know so badly how in the earth he could do that. He wanted to find out if it was even possible.

His friend smiled and asked him to stand up. "Do you trust me?"

"Tinatanong pa ba yan?"

"Okay, let's go." Hinila niya si Apa hanggang sa makalabas sila ng unit nito. Hindi pa rin nila alam kung saan sila pupunta. Apa stopped when he finally knew where they were going and what would they be doing.

"Come on, Yuki." Natatawa si Lizzie sa reaction ng kaibigan.

"Nababaliw ka na ba? Ayoko pa mamatay!"

Lalong natawa si Lizzie. "Take risks, Apa! You've been sacrificing for everyone. You must take risks for yourself. Life's too short to be a coward. Life's too short to live with rules."

"And how is suicide related to... that? And how are all of these connected to finding and loving myself?"

Lizzie folded her arms. "Hey, akala ko ba may tiwala ka? What happened? Come on, Apa. We have to do this. Nandito na tayo, eh."

Wala ng nagawa si Apa at pumayag na sa gusto ni Lizzie. About a week ago, Lizzie booked a tandem skydive for the both of them. Ginugulo pa rin ni David si Lizzie, pero hindi niya sinasabi kay Apa dahil masyado ng maraming problema kaibigan niya.

So, she decided to take Apa with her and release all their problems.

When they were on the top, Apa thought he was going to die. His legs were flailing and his heart was about to left his body. It was too much. When he opened his eyes, he gasped as he saw how beautiful the view was. Beautiful was an understatement. It was incredibly breathtaking.

As the parachute opened, he finally breathe. He calmed down. He relaxed. He was seeing the world differently. His anxiety, depression, and worries all went away. He did not know he could fly without thinking of anything, but how amazing the world was.

After all the craziness, he still felt like he was floating. He could not explain what he was feeling. His heart was beating so fast, but in a good way. He did not know he could feel fear, excitement, worry, panic, and happiness all at the same time.

The feeling of taking risks for yourself. The feeling of doing something for yourself. His mind was peaceful, but his heart was screaming. The feelings were confusing, but it was the best.

Humiga muna sila sa grass ni Lizze. "I thought we were going to die," he said calmly, his eyes closed.

"But we're alive. Do you feel it?" Umupo si Lizzie at tinignan si Apa na nakahiga pa rin at nakapikit. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "You're alive, Yuki! You see, life is all about the adventures." Lizzie was still panting, but she couldn't stop grinning even if she, too, thought she was going to die. "Take risks, Yuki... for yourself. Enjoy life without thinking about your past."

Apa closed his eyes again, letting himself feel everything.

"Love yourself immensely, so you could give yourself the permission to feel every possible thing the world has to offer. No one, not me, not even Agatha, could help you, but you, yourself. Trust and love yourself, Yuki, because you deserve it. You deserve to love and to be loved. You deserve to enjoy life."

Dumilat ulit siya at dahan-dahang umupo. "I owe you. Thanks, Liz."

Liz laughed. It was her usual careless laugh. "For what?"

"For everything, but mostly for being there. Thanks for making me realize that life isn't all about people's lives. Life isn't all about problems. Sometimes, life is about taking risks without worrying the outcome, seeing the world differently, and appreciating its beauty. We're actually fortunate, because we get to see and do these things."

"I know, right?! I'm so proud of you, Yuki! Okay okay, step 1, identify the problem. Step 2, find a solution. Step 3, you must have the will to help yourself, even if it means to take risks. Step 4, take risks. Step 5, don't just look for a solution, do it. Step 6..."

"Step 6, release your anger." He was angry... angry at himself for hurting the people he had loved deeply. For being selfish. For letting Agatha fall for him. For letting Agatha handle everything on her own. "Let it go. Let everything go." Now that Ygona was there to make her happy, he had no right to be with her again.

"Most importantly, don't forget to breathe and relax. We shouldn't forget the golden rule, though. Without it, all these steps are invalid."

Lizzie's brows creased. "Golden rule? What? We have a golden rule?"

Tumawa si Apa. "Pray. Never forget to pray."

Lizzie just smiled, wishing Apa's religious side would never get old.