Hetalia Oneshots (Book One)

Hitman Jones X Reader: Fucking Psycho

Omfg, that bitch mom in the Family is completely ruining Hank's life! Like, that poor man didn't do anything, leave him alone! Fuck!

***

Humming pleasantly, you push the door to the house open.

As soon as said door is opened, your humming stops and you sigh in annoyance. Why does he have to make such a fucking mess with his fucking hits?

He's lucky he's so damn hot!

Mumbling a few curses, you stomp into the gory sitting room.

The contract this time was an important buisness man. And his family.

And a certain, unnamed person (Alfred Jones), made a mess for you.

You can hear the man upstairs... probably looting.

Grumbling in anger, you lay a plastic tarp next to the body, glaring in annoyance.

Of COURSE it just HAD to be a... portly gentleman!

Grabbing him by the arm, you try and pull him onto the tarp... with no luck.

Brows furrowed, you pull harder, only succeeding in falling into a pool of blood.

"OH FUCK DAMNIT! POMPOUS CROTCH JOCKEY!" Hissing, you curl your nose up, kicking the limp body as you get up from the ground.

A small chuckle is heard from behind you, making your annoyance flare up even more.

Whipping around, your glare at the smirking blonde.

"Shut up you dicknose goblin Nazi!"

He laughs, rolling his eyes at you.

"Nice one (n/n)! I never know what you'll call me next!" The cocky grin on his face makes you want to smack him, but somehow you manage to suppress your anger.

You shove him away as he attempts to wrap his arms around your waist.

"Do I look like I have time for your shit? I need to clean up your fucking mess!" Scowling, you turn your back on him and start to bend down to the body, but you're stopped by a pair of strong arms wrapping around you and picking you up.

"Damnit Al! Lemme go, I need to clean up!" He doesn't respond to you, but instead nuzzles his face into your neck.

"Whhhhy? I wanna cuddle you!" Groaning, you wiggle in his grip.

"Go away Alfred. Don't you have another job or something?"

Nose wrinkled, you try to squirm away from him, only to slip in another puddle of blood.

You screech as you fall to the ground, dragging Alfred with you.

He's kneeled over top of you, a look of shock on his face, before he grins.

"Ohohohoho! You know you could've just asked~"

Even though you're scowling at him, you can't help the faint blush on your cheeks.

"Not funny, Jones! Get off me, and get to work!"

Smug grin on his face, he shakes his head.

"Nuh-uh! It's been a while since I've had you under me! Especially with such a helpless look on your cute little face!" He coo's in what would be a sweet voice, if it was anybody but him.

"You pervert! Get off!" Growling, you start squirming, and thrashing. You manage to get one of his arms away, but almost as soon as you do its gripping you even harder, pinning your hands to the ground.

"Stop struggling! It's annoying!" Scoffing, you struggle a bit harder to prove what you'd consider a point, before going limp.

"What do you want you tone deaf dick dragon?" He giggles, leaning down and kissing your cheek.

"Oh calm down!" He kisses your jaw, cupping your face. "You're such a cutie! So tiny and sweet and innocent! And really good at cleaning up after me!"

He purrs happily, biting your collarbone.

"I love you so, so, so much (y/n)! You're such a sweetheart!"

You can't help but chuckle, attempting to hide your smirk.

For such a violent, tempermental man, he can act super sweet.

"Oh hush up... I need to clean this up, or we'll both be killed."

He pouts unhappily, hiding his face in your neck.

"Fine... I'll help! Then it'll be over faster, and I get to spend time with you!"

He jumps up, suddenly bouncy and happy... kind of like a big dog.

Groaning, you get up yourself, squeaking as he grabs your hand and drags you to the pale, now completely bled dry, body.

The cleaning and disposal process only took.... four fucking hours.

You're standing by the disposal area... a cliff.

Alfred's humming a happy tune, lighting up a cigarette. You can't help but snarl, glaring at the American.

"You're going to die."

He shrugs, grinning at you as he throws an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest.

"I looooove you!" His smug grin pisses you off a little more.

"Plus, I won't kiss a guy who tastes like smoke."

He actually stops, a thoughtful look on his face before he crushes the butt out on his shoe. You laugh at how easy it was to wrap him around your finger.

He yanks you towards him by your waist, a hand slipping up your side.

"Do I get a kiss now~"  He leans closer to you, nose brushing against yours.

Blushing, you lean up into his grip, letting his lips brush against yours.

He frowns lightly, slamming his lips to yours, immediately slipping his tongue into your mouth.

Smirking, you grab his bow tie, pulling him deeper into the kiss.

Your tongues curl around each other, pushing back and forth. Just as quickly as he connected his soft lips to yours, he pulls away, flashing you a devious grin.

"Sooo~ Does this mean you're all mine now? For real this time?"

Rolling your eyes, you lean into him, stroking his cheek. Before he can react, you bite his neck, sucking roughly. He groans, shivering as your tongue runs over the abused patch of skin.

"No. You're mine, you creepy psycho."

***

Lool, I can't do a good Hitman Jones, OBBBBBVIOUSLY. Whoops.