A Plan for Appreciation

Chapter 18

It's been a whole month since we went to the beach. I can't help but say that my life has been nothing but dull to this point. Everything seems to be getting back to normal. The only good thing is that school will end soon. May's almost over and in just a few weeks we'll be able to roam California. I still don't know what I'll be doing this summer. I usually just stay home and hang out with Beck all summer. However, it seems that Beck is going to Canada for the summer, which I don't mind I could also go with him. If I'm being honest with myself I don't really want to go with him, but I haven't told him yet. I guess I could travel, my parents usually like to go on trips I don't go with them all the time, but maybe I need a break from everyone. I need to get it together again.

I guess I was lying before saying that everything went back to normal. Well yes everyone continued on with their lives as before, even Andre. Key word Andre, he went back to being the good friend that he always was. Sure it didn't happen right away, but within three days of being back he started talking to me again. Talking to me as if nothing happened. As if the last few months were just some sort of dream of mine. When he told me he'd try I didn't know he meant he'd pretend everything was okay. I don't even know why I'm even thinking about any of this, this is what I wanted, what I asked for.

"You seem to be pretty thoughtful today" I hear a voice behind me say, startled I jump a little bit and turn around.

"I'm just wondering about the summer" I respond, which is technically not a lie. Beck only smiles and says "Hey don't worry I told you, you can come to Canada with" he wraps his arms around me and sits next to me on the bench.

"I know" I smile back and rest my head on his shoulder. I feel so guilty right now; Beck is only concerned that I'm upset because he's going to Canada but that is the least of my concerns.

"Have you told your parents about going?" he asks while rubbing his hands down my arms.

"I haven't mentioned it but I know they want me to travel with them this summer" I say. This was also not true, yes they wanted me to travel but they would have no problem letting me go with Beck.

"What, but if they say now we won't see each other all summer" He says this time sitting up and looking into my eyes, I can see the fear in his eyes.

"Hey don't worry even if they don't let me go, they won't mind if I go for a few days with you." I really feel bad now because what I'm saying isn't exactly the truth.

"You're right I have nothing to worry about, it's just that we always spend summer together." He says feeling a bit better that we won't be completely apart the whole summer.

I intertwine our hands together and say "I know babe but maybe it'll do us some good, so you can appreciate me more" I say in a joking tone.

He lets go of my arm and turns to face me, he grabs both of my shoulders and says "is that how you feel? Like I don't appreciate you?"

Not quite meeting his eyes I say "It was a joke, I was kidding of course you appreciate me" I try to smile at him so he can be sure to believe me.

"Is this why you haven't wanted to spend the night over lately?" He asks again not letting go of the subject.

I again don't know what to say. I guess it's true we haven't really had any alone time lately. "What? No we've just been busy you know I love you" I say this time meaning my words. Because, I did love him.

"I love you too" he says while pulling me close to him and kissing the top of my head. "If I truly make you feel underappreciated you need to tell me."

I again only nod my head at him. He doesn't quite realize that I do tell him, I tell him how I feel like he chooses everyone over me. How he's everyone's side but mine. But, I don't tell him any of this and I don't really know why.

I got out of class early and was at my locker when I spotted Andre by his. I of course went over to his locker and ask to see if he wanted to write some songs with me later. "Hey Andre do you want to come over later?" I ask while leaning beside him. He looks as me and smiles but says, "I can't I have plans already"

"What plans can be better than hanging out with me?" respond in my best shocked voice. He only laughs but says "None of course, but I kind of have a date tonight"

"Oh" I say this time I don't have to pretend being shocked because I am. I also don't know how to respond to that. "Well, have fun than" I add as an afterthought.

I walk away before he says anything else. God I need to sort out my life. What is wrong with me? I cannot feel jealous that Andre is moving on, this is what I asked for. I love Beck I can't have feelings for someone else. Maybe Beck was right we haven't slept together in a while now which is probably why I was feeling this way.

Without thinking any further I took out my fun and texted Beck.

I'M SLEEPING OVER TONIGHT.

It didn't take long for him respond:

LOOKING FORWAR TO IT ;)

I didn't respond back but I did smile. If there was one thing me and Beck were good at it was that we were passionate. I've only ever been with him, but from what I hear from other people me and him were not boring. I too was looking forward for tonight, without realizing it I missed the physical side of being with Beck.

A/N: Like always thank you for reading my story, i'm sorry i haven't updated sooner. Don't forget to comment/favorite. 

Just on a side note, i know on the summary i said it would at the end be Bade. But, if i'm being honest i'm leaning more towards Andre. I want to know what you think about this?

Love you guys!!