Killer (phan) (completed with a sequel out now ^.^)

une ~ why can't I?

So hi sexual ;) I kinda sorta like the concept of this story that you may or may not have found. And you'll see the concept eventually. I hope you happened to find this and enjoy this :) also if you vote for this I'll give you an invisible hamster <3

I lay on the couch at one in the morning with nothing to do. I just can't find the motivation. Nothing really at all. TV is boring. Plus the remote is on the other side of the room. My laptop's dead. But anyways all I would see on there is posts about people "shipping" Dan and his girlfriend. I honestly don't want to see that.

Everyone loves them together. Everyone. Even I get questions on my live shows about how their relationship is going. I don't talk about them. But I do see the posts and questions. I can't talk about them without bursting into tears.

I miss the good old days when we would do our best to avoid the "phan" shippers. Not the "Danabell" shippers. I miss it when we would exchange our disgusted feelings about phan fiction our viewers would write. I miss the times I would be up until one playing sonic with Dan, not just staring at the ceiling with nothing to do but think. I miss our collab videos. I miss being able to watch his videos without hearing the name "Annabell." I miss talking to him endlessly about the Internet instead of just his girlfriend. But most of all, I miss him.

When I first met Dan I knew he would have a big impact on my life but I didn't know the impact would have been this big. I saw his comments on my video and knew we could be amazing friends. But soon, after countless times of skyping, messaging, texting and finally meeting him for the first time, I had to face reality. I fell in love.

I always dreamed of being able to call Dan my boyfriend ever since I figured out what hit me. We've always had the same agreements with sexual preference, that love has to do with meeting someone you truly connect with, not depending on what's between their legs. I always knew he was bisexual. But finding the courage to tell him I had feelings for him was not something I could just do.

And now, I regret it horribly. I wish I would have just said something. I wish I wouldn't have been such a pussy and just said something. Anything. But I've made that decision just two years too late.

I remember that sinking feeling in my heart I got when Dan walked in with a girl. By the smile on his face and the tone in his voice, I could tell he fancied her. By the way he blushed and looked down when she spoke and the way he giggled after almost every word that came out of his mouth, I knew it was too late.

And two years later I still haven't got over him. Not a day goes by where I over extend my glance. Not a night goes by without tears rolling down my face at the thought of him nuzzling a girl on our couch. That same feeling reaches my stomach every time they're together. Jealousy, regret, sadness, anger, and confusion.

Why can't I get over him by now? I just want to live on my own life without listening in on their arguments hoping that they would break up. I want to look in Dan's eyes without falling in love with him all over again because he's found someone that makes him happy. And me having these feelings seems like it will somehow wreck that.

I wish I can just move out and get my own life with own girl or guy and live happily ever after just like I know they will. But I can't move out. I don't just want Dan in my life. I need Dan in my life. I can't just leave him. He may be the one I fell in love with, but no matter what happens, he's still my best friend. He's my rock, my other half, the sun to my shine (if that doesn't make me sound like a pansy). And no matter whether he believes it or not, he needs me too. There's going to be a time when Annabell isn't there. When all other doors shut him out, I'll be there, waiting, with the door wide open willing to do anything just to see his dimple filled smile again.

And maybe I have moved on when that happens. So what? He'll always be my best friend and we'll always be there for each other. At least I hope so. No matter what goes on in his life or mine, I'll never leave him behind. And somehow, I'm pretty sure that he'll never leave me behind too.

I hear the door open and I quickly take out my phone to attempt to make it look like I wasn't just laying there waiting for him to get home. Dan took Annabell out to dinner for the third time this week. Maybe I could get him to play some halo with me before bed!

Scratch that. Behind the beautiful brunette boy walking, in is a tall, short-haired girl, with blond hair and bangs that hand low on her forehead. Even in the darkness, I can still see those little freckles that litter her face and Dan loves so much. Thick, big hipster glasses, shield her blue eyes and are pushed up her nose slightly by the hand that's not occupied with Dan's hand. They're both giggling and enter the living room and sit on the smaller couch that I'm not filling. My existence isn't noticed as they begin making out right in front of me. I sigh and stand up.

"No, guys, I don't mind if you suck face right in front of me," I say sarcastically and begin to walk to the hall to my room.

"Thanks mate!" Dan says quickly between kisses and dips his head back in make out with Annabell. My mouth drops open slightly at his douche bag ways. My lips close and form a small pout at the whore kissing my Dan.

I take that back. Annabell isn't a whore. She's the nicest girl I've ever met. She's selfless, she's sweet, quiet, she's basically the best thing that has ever happened to Dan. And that's one of the things I hate about her. The fact that I don't have a legitimate reason to hate this girl. And the fact that Dan has absolutely no reason to break up with her. She's also beautiful. I secretly wish that I could have her good looks just so I can be with Dan.

I walk to my room and crash down on my bed and tears fall down my cheeks. Maybe I can play halo with him tomorrow. Maybe he'll make a video with me! Or maybe the usual will happen and a certain someone will be with Dan the whole day.

Tears fall swim down my cheeks. Why can't I just get over him?

If you like and voted for this, go check your mailbox, ... there's an invisible hamster in there ;)