The Boy in the Black Hoodie

Chapter Thirty-Six

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

HIM's POV

I looked up at the dark ceiling, scouring my mind for the small amount of memories I had of Jay. I wanted to relive them one last time. I wanted my last thoughts to be of him, of us. I just had to remember the times when we were together. The times when we were a family. And then, maybe it would be okay to die.

I was going to soon. There was no doubt about that. I hadn't eaten or drank in...I don't know how long. All my wounds were open and infected. Some were newer, and some had been there for weeks. Sleeping, well, that never happened. I was too afraid of falling asleep and never waking up to do that.

I let out a small, shuddering breath in an attempt to relax. It was useless. Relaxation never came. The only thing that came close to comfort like that was how I felt was when I remembered the times where Jay and I were together.

-----

Jay giggled in delight as I lowered his legs into the water. He reached his tiny hand into the lake, splashing some onto my face. I smiled.

Looking up at the sky, I saw it was consumed in the beautiful colors of a sunset.

"Look, Jay," I pointed. "Isn't the sky pretty?"

Jay grinned, his eyes widening. I held him close, and we watched the sun make its descent. I sighed, wanting the moment to last forever. It wasn't much longer until our little family would be torn apart. A few days, and times like these would be nothing but memories.

"One day, Jay, after all this is over, you and I will come here. We can watch the sunset like this again. It'll be so much fun!"

Jay giggled innocently. He wrapped his tiny hands around my finger. I closed my eyes, smiling.

"Some day, Jay..."

-----

I let the tears slide down my face. How I longed for those times again!

"Some day, Jay..."

More tears spilt out. I would never get to go out on the lake and watch the sunset with my son again. I would die soon, and then Jay really would be alone with no family. I didn't want to leave him like that. I didn't want him to think of me as the father who left his son helpless and alone forever.

My silent tears became strangled sobs as I cried out my frustration.

I foraged in my mind for something comforting. Something that would calm me.

-----

"When you feel all alone and you need a sign,

Put your hand on your chest and you'll know I'm inside.

When life is all confusing and you wanna cry,

Put your hand on your chest and you'll know I'm inside.

You may not see me, but I'm there.

'Cause I'm inside,

Yeah, I'm inside.

Put your hand on you're chest and you'll know I'm inside."

-----

My tears slowed as I let the song sink in. I still remembered when I wrote it, that day after we watched the sunset. I remembered Jay's giggles as I sang and played my guitar.